Inheritance

[Gato]

Other than doing something for the kids, like paying off their student loans if they have any, I will be giving away my inheritance and H is fine with it. I do hope to keep my parents’ house if my mom doesn’t sell it.

[aspentosh]

Aug 23, 2024 5:53:00 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

Theres some difference, but not much between keeping the owner of the account the person inheriting it and using the money jointly.

For me, I’m not adding DH’s name, but I will use it for all of us.

I do think the amount plays a part.

I stand to inherit a six figure sum from my mom and I think this is how I would like to do it.

It feels weird because I haven't made a dime in 10 years (SAHM) and so all of H's money is family money. But if something were to happen to us, my earning potential is peanuts compared to his, so I like the idea of having money that is mine, no questions asked. Depending on the time of her passing, I'd use a lot on DD (college shortfall if necessary, wedding, etc), a good amount of travel for the family, paying down/off the house, etc so he would definitely benefit.

I brought this up once and he got upset and I get it... But I do hope he comes around.

[googled]

It’s weird - with my late husband I would have said yes, we’d share. With my current partner, who I am basically in a domestic partnership with, we keep our finances separate. Interesting how the dynamic is so different based on the couple rather than the person.

[mustardseed2007]

My husband and my parents have all died in the last year and he has inherited and will inherit much more than I will from my parents.

The way we have talked about using those funds is for our kids - they go to private school and also college funds. And then probably putting some money into our home. I have thought about the cash and tend to steer the conversation into using the money for our kids because in the front of my mind I know it's his separate property. He doesn't normally bring that up.

The thing I have thought about as the person in the relationship whose parents have died with less money is that my husband has inherited quite a bit in stock a well. That's in his own name and if we did every divorce I am positive he would take that. So I think in his mind he's thinking about it as additional retirement for us but I don't completely count on it. Not because I think we're going to get a divorce just...stuff happens.

ETA: So yes kind of on sharing cash, but I try to share on things that clearly benefit our children first and the entire family second. On stock I predict sharing but it's separate in case we are ever not together in the future. 

ETAA: I'm the main breadwinner in the family and I'm a lawyer who works with a lot of people who have family wealth. So even though my H is the one with the inheritance I think I have thought about this a lot more than he has. Him inheriting actually put him on a more independent footing in a way. And also I have seen divorces with spouses swinging for family money that has always been in trusts, and it gets so ugly. If we did get a divorce I would try to keep myself fair, but part of me also thinks that if I let this impact our rate of retirement savings for community funds then we're treating separate property like community property and that is really putting me at risk. This is new to us so we'll definitely talk more about it in the future. 

[sent]

I haven't read all the replies but no, I would not expect any sharing. We are both children of very average boomer immigrants who didn't create much generational wealth to leave us beyond setting us up to be financially solvent adults. It's always interesting to read the inheritance questions on this board because it's something that I've never heard discussed IRL. He is an only child so maybe the IL's plan on leaving him sums of money. However, I suspect FIL financially supports some of his siblings back in the motherland so maybe there isn't much to leave to their son. If there is, I don't want any of their money. If they're smart, they'll divvy things up between my kids and their son and not just leave it all to him to immediately spend on garbage, but I don't expect any of them to have any foresight in this kind of stuff. I have always told him that my parents have nothing and I think it's my dad's goal to "die with zero" so there is no expectation of getting anything from them either. If my parents do have anything to leave us, my sibling knows to leave my terrible spouse out of everything and give it all to my kids.

However, I'm trying to set up to leave the terrible spouse and I've learned it doesn't matter what I think, there are state laws that supersede my opinions on money.

[meanie]

We will comingle everything when the day comes. I am the one who will have much of anything to inherit, and I am an only child. I'm sure H would defer to me when it comes to spending it, although we would both agree that any debt should be paid off first.

My dad inherited a sizable amount when my grandmother passed and my mom was very adamant that he use it as he sees fit. She felt strongly that she should have no say and saw it as his money, even though they are joint financially.

I know people who have received inheritances prior to their marriage and that money is held in a separate account. I understand how that situation feels different, but it does create problems when their shared finances are tight and one person has a large sum sitting in a private account.