@@ Op-ed: Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often

[neverfstop]

GIFT
www.nytimes.com/2024/09/15/opinion/parenting-helicopter-ignoring.html?unlocked_article_code=1.PU4.dH46.6LFzyLk4r6xU&smid=url-share 


To be sure, when kids are upset, in danger or require guidance, parents can and should swoop in to help. But that is precisely the point: It is only by ignoring our children much of the time that we conserve the energy necessary to give them our full attention when they actually need it.

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Parents have it easier in countries such as Germany and Spain, where you can find beer gardens and tapas bars situated right next to playgrounds, or in Denmark, where parents routinely park their infants in strollers outside cafes while they socialize. In such places you can relax and catch up with friends while children romp around — a reminder of how much easier parenting gets when we enjoy the social trust born from shared investment in care.

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In other words, underparenting requires structural change, and not just the obvious changes that we think of as parental stress-relievers, such as family leave and paid child care. It also requires that as a society, we build back our tolerance for children in public spaces, as annoying and distracting as they can be, and create safe environments where lightly supervised kids can roam freely. In a society that treated children as a public good, we would keep a collective eye on all our kids — which would free us of the need to hover over our own.

[waverly]

This is a great article and I agree with structural change. Playgrounds next to breweries would be amazing.

Free range has never been defined well. Playing on a farm or several acres of land next to a house is not exactly free range.

My experience with free range for younger kids in my neighborhood is that I did all of parenting and light supervision. So I did not reap any of the rewards. In a city/ village this works better when there were stay at home mom, aunts, grandparents who lightly supervised the neighborhood kids. Ultimately it was romanticized unpaid labor, that is difficult to reproduce in an economy with more people working.

My kids can now be out and about town fully independent for several hours at age 12 and 14. I no longer consider this free range. It’s kind of like the word play date. It just doesn’t really apply to kids who don’t need much supervision, if that makes sense.

I’m not sure where they were going with the wording “benign neglect daycare” if they were talking about modern daycares. In a modern daycare setting benign neglect should never come into play. This is another phrase that I think is not well defined. But my interpretation is not under parenting but just straight up neglect that people want to feel good about.

[DarcyLongfellow]

@@

I fully agree. I'm a big fan of places where kids can be "lightly supervised" - and to me, playgrounds and areas with play spaces for kids are just that. Kids need time on their own to develop their own life skills. This was my theory when my kids were little and at the age for large playgroups. We'd have 5-10 kids and their mothers that would meet up regularly at people's houses. I saw that time as socializing time for both me and my kid. Most of the other moms agreed, but every so often there would be that one mom who would spend the whole time playing with her kid instead of talking to the grownups. I mean, it didn't really affect me, but it did make me feel a little guilty when my kid would come up and ask me to read to her, and I'd tell her no, not now - go play with the other kids!

It would be great for our society to embrace that idea more. I was able to (sort of) create that for myself, but having more playgrounds next to coffee houses or beer gardens would be amazing.

[fancynewbeesly]

@

We did a lot of this. I think location also matters. We are in an area with a lot of kids, and a lot of parents feel similarly. to us. But every single time the girls would have friends over or even at a play group--I wouldn't do it if it was more work for me. So I never laid out crafts, etc. Of course I would have snacks but no preplanned activities. The point of being with kids is to give me a break. And some of their friends were NOT able to handle that---they kept on trying to ask me to play with them. Or to set up a craft. And I would tell them no.

[underwaterrhymes]

@@

One of our favorite places to eat in nice weather is a local pizza place that has large play structures outside. We like to order pizza and drink wine while the kids play. I wish there were more places like this in our area.

[Patsy Baloney]

Hm. I think I probably fall into the category of the folks who use what little time we have as “quality” time with our kids (focused on kids). For better or for worse 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t really have much leisure time with them and would be sad to lose that. I do tend to think of time spent at school, with friends, extracurriculars, etc., is lightly supervised and without a lot of screens since my kids don’t have devices yet.

[underwaterrhymes]

Oct 3, 2024 18:40:17 GMT -5 Patsy Baloney said:

Hm. I think I probably fall into the category of the folks who use what little time we have as “quality” time with our kids (focused on kids). For better or for worse 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t really have much leisure time with them and would be sad to lose that. I do tend to think of time spent at school, with friends, extracurriculars, etc., is lightly supervised and without a lot of screens since my kids don’t have devices yet.

@@
We do really love spending time with them too. But it’s also nice to be able to watch them play while we have alone time because that is also in short supply.

My kids aren’t athletic so it helps that we don’t have a lot of extracurricular activities to run to all the time. We do get a lot of time together as a result.

[wanderingback]

Ok people should actually read the article
It’s not really at all about not supervising during playtime.

So anyway, yes I think we often take this approach so far, especially with travel and I hope to keep it that way. We go places we enjoy that aren’t toddler centric and she adapts.

Generally on the weekends we do something more toddler centered like library story time or the playground but we have a good mix. Like last Sun we brought her along with us to a (adult) museum and out to eat, then we went to a playground so she could run around.

I think this correlates with the article and discussion we had about how kids time is too structuee and supervised and kids need to play/free imagination. This is talking more about how kids learn from everyday activities like running errands. I think it’s all true that we don’t need to curate kid’s lives on a daily basis, there can be a good mix.

[erbear]

I always think I was meant to be a European parent.

[waverly]

Oct 3, 2024 18:54:36 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Ok people should actually read the article
It’s not really at all about not supervising during playtime.

So anyway, yes I think we often take this approach so far, especially with travel and I hope to keep it that way. We go places we enjoy that aren’t toddler centric and she adapts.

Generally on the weekends we do something more toddler centered like library story time or the playground but we have a good mix. Like last Sun we brought her along with us to a (adult) museum and out to eat, then we went to a playground so she could run around.

I think this correlates with the article and discussion we had about how kids time is too structuee and supervised and kids need to play/free imagination. This is talking more about how kids learn from everyday activities like running errands. I think it’s all true that we don’t need to curate kid’s lives on a daily basis, there can be a good mix.

We definitely brought our kids as we didn’t have a babysitter. There are many situations though where it was super annoying like trying to furniture shop while my kids run all over the store or buying a car at a dealership. Maybe if they had a kids play area it would make it easier.

[shauni27]

Oct 3, 2024 18:54:36 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I think this correlates with the article and discussion we had about how kids time is too structured and supervised and kids need to play/free imagination. This is talking more about how kids learn from everyday activities like running errands. I think it’s all true that we don’t need to curate kid’s lives on a daily basis, there can be a good mix.

yes yes yes. I loved this article and it is really relatable for me and our friend groups. Sure, we do various organized activities (sports mostly), but we usually coordinate get togethers for adults and just know that the kids will find a way to have fun.


Every Friday, for example, we go to a little concert at a local ski area. We set up a "base" so the kids know how to find us, then they are off running around the ski area. These are 4-8 year olds. They look after each other and play and explore and expand their comforts a bit. The adults get to socialize and see our kids having so much fun. 

Even at our homes when we do get togethers (usually a group of us), dead of winter, adults are in one room (kitchen, lol) and kids are outside. Find something to do. It is shocking how late into the fall these kids are willing to have water gun fights around the yard, lol. But you do you!

Allowing our kids to use their imaginations and push the limits a bit is important. They need creativity and free time to find out how to have fun, how to grow and learn in ways that work for them. 

[wanderingback]

Oct 3, 2024 21:17:10 GMT -5 waverly said:

Oct 3, 2024 18:54:36 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Ok people should actually read the article
It’s not really at all about not supervising during playtime.

So anyway, yes I think we often take this approach so far, especially with travel and I hope to keep it that way. We go places we enjoy that aren’t toddler centric and she adapts.

Generally on the weekends we do something more toddler centered like library story time or the playground but we have a good mix. Like last Sun we brought her along with us to a (adult) museum and out to eat, then we went to a playground so she could run around.

I think this correlates with the article and discussion we had about how kids time is too structuee and supervised and kids need to play/free imagination. This is talking more about how kids learn from everyday activities like running errands. I think it’s all true that we don’t need to curate kid’s lives on a daily basis, there can be a good mix.

We definitely brought our kids as we didn’t have a babysitter. There are many situations though where it was super annoying like trying to furniture shop while my kids run all over the store or buying a car at a dealership. Maybe if they had a kids play area it would make it easier.

Yes of course kids will be kids and they will annoy us. But I think the point of the article is saying that the more you do those things the more your kids will get used to them. That not every weekend has to be curated activities and play dates and children’s activities the whole time. And obviously systemic change is helpful to make places more kid friendly. I love airports and airport lounges with little play areas. But obviously not everywhere has them but that still doesn’t stop us from traveling. So that’s the point is that we as a society can do better with expectations these days that structure and 100% of our time or kid activities is the best/will make them the smartest/most successful.

[ny96]

We used to do a lot more of this when the kids were little and this article is a reminder to do more of it, but it’s hard with kids who have a lot going on after school because our schedules are bent towards them a lot of the time. The action item I can take away from this article is to leave the screens at home more.

We do practice what’s in the article on trips. On vacations we often travel to big cities and with a few exceptions, the kids tag along to the museums and restaurants we want to go to. We make sure to throw in some playgrounds and ice cream, but the trip is not geared towards them.

[scm1011]

Oct 4, 2024 7:23:40 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

Oct 3, 2024 18:54:36 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I think this correlates with the article and discussion we had about how kids time is too structured and supervised and kids need to play/free imagination. This is talking more about how kids learn from everyday activities like running errands. I think it’s all true that we don’t need to curate kid’s lives on a daily basis, there can be a good mix.

yes yes yes. I loved this article and it is really relatable for me and our friend groups. Sure, we do various organized activities (sports mostly), but we usually coordinate get togethers for adults and just know that the kids will find a way to have fun.


Every Friday, for example, we go to a little concert at a local ski area. We set up a "base" so the kids know how to find us, then they are off running around the ski area. These are 4-8 year olds. They look after each other and play and explore and expand their comforts a bit. The adults get to socialize and see our kids having so much fun. 

Even at our homes when we do get togethers (usually a group of us), dead of winter, adults are in one room (kitchen, lol) and kids are outside. Find something to do. It is shocking how late into the fall these kids are willing to have water gun fights around the yard, lol. But you do you!

Allowing our kids to use their imaginations and push the limits a bit is important. They need creativity and free time to find out how to have fun, how to grow and learn in ways that work for them. 

This is very similar to how we parent with our friends. Its great for everyone.

DH and I also love to go out to eat and do so about twice a week with the kids. Its definitely not their favorite activity, but they've learned to sit and behave at the table (without screens) even if they find it boring. I hadn't really considered this as them "learning to tolerate boredom" as in the article, but I suppose it fits the bill. 

[ECB]

We’re visiting cousins this weekend in Nj/PA and DH and i are literally sitting at a huge playground wishing there was a bar here. 😂

[5kcandlesinthewind]

Oct 4, 2024 8:29:27 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Oct 4, 2024 7:23:40 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

yes yes yes. I loved this article and it is really relatable for me and our friend groups. Sure, we do various organized activities (sports mostly), but we usually coordinate get togethers for adults and just know that the kids will find a way to have fun.


Every Friday, for example, we go to a little concert at a local ski area. We set up a "base" so the kids know how to find us, then they are off running around the ski area. These are 4-8 year olds. They look after each other and play and explore and expand their comforts a bit. The adults get to socialize and see our kids having so much fun. 

Even at our homes when we do get togethers (usually a group of us), dead of winter, adults are in one room (kitchen, lol) and kids are outside. Find something to do. It is shocking how late into the fall these kids are willing to have water gun fights around the yard, lol. But you do you!

Allowing our kids to use their imaginations and push the limits a bit is important. They need creativity and free time to find out how to have fun, how to grow and learn in ways that work for them. 

This is very similar to how we parent with our friends. Its great for everyone.

DH and I also love to go out to eat and do so about twice a week with the kids. Its definitely not their favorite activity, but they've learned to sit and behave at the table (without screens) even if they find it boring. I hadn't really considered this as them "learning to tolerate boredom" as in the article, but I suppose it fits the bill. 

We will occasionally give our kid one of our phones to play with at dinner if it's taking too long for the food to come out, but otherwise, we don't give in to the whining.  We're very "Back In Our Day" about it when he complains about being bored in the car, waiting around, not wanting to go where we're going, etc. Our parents used to drag us around to tag sales & just take drives with no destination on the weekends - it was awful for a kid. So going to a museum he's not necessarily interested in or having lunch somewhere he doesn't love is nothing compared to that.  I tell him he can add it to his list of Ways We Screwed Him Up for his therapist, haha.

[wanderingback]

I will say this type of parenting does seem easier living in a city. I’ve never been a parent in a rural or suburban area but grew up more in those.

When we go for errands we walk. Often times, especially in the summer we’ll stumble upon an event, parade, music, performers, etc. And even if not that there are playgrounds every few blocks, so it’s inevitable that we’ll go do an errand and then go to the playground and then continue on with errands, etc very spontaneously without a plan. I imagine that is much harder to accomplish if you have to drive everywhere.

So I do feel like it comes naturally to drag the toddler around for errands and out to eat or a museum or events since there is so much easily accessible stuff here and I’m thankful for that recognizing that not everyone has that option.

[erbear]

Oct 4, 2024 13:25:11 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I will say this type of parenting does seem easier living in a city. I’ve never been a parent in a rural or suburban area but grew up more in those.

When we go for errands we walk. Often times, especially in the summer we’ll stumble upon an event, parade, music, performers, etc. And even if not that there are playgrounds every few blocks, so it’s inevitable that we’ll go do an errand and then go to the playground and then continue on with errands, etc very spontaneously without a plan. I imagine that is much harder to accomplish if you have to drive everywhere.

So I do feel like it comes naturally to drag the toddler around for errands and out to eat or a museum or events since there is so much easily accessible stuff here and I’m thankful for that recognizing that not everyone has that option.

I agree with this. Also I find parents to be less judgmental in my city than I do when I visit my family in the burbs, for example.

I love articles that back up that lazy parenting is actually a thing that is really beneficial

[waverly]

I would argue that free range parenting is normal parenting as long as it is done age appropriately. I don't really believe in an immature 5 years old going wherever they want with no supervision, but a 7 year old with light neighborhood supervision- sure.

For roaming the neighborhood, sidewalks and playgrounds do make that a LOT easier. I grew up in a rural area and while playing in the backyard was totally normal and walking through the woods, biking and walking on the street was discouraged because it was 55MPH with no sidewalks.

My guess is that you are right, parents in the city are probably less judgemental since they are used to being around many different people and parenting styles.

I do find many kids to be overscheduled so it is difficult for my kids to hang out with them, if they constantly have other plans. But I don't think that some activites or video games are bad, just needs to be balanced.

In terms of errands, I was definitely brought everywhere as a rural kid, and we bring our kids since we didn't have babysitters as someone in the burbs, so I think it is similar but just in a car rather than walking. You are right that likely there are less playgrounds and festivals/ street fairs though.

We've kind of phased through this now that I have middle schoolers that I can just leave at home. I am definitely not bringing both kids with me everywhere I go anymore, and I do LOVE that I don't have to anymore. It's all just the cycle of growing up, I guess. But I am loving the freedom of middle schoolers. 

[IndiaInk]

"This approach can take the form of bringing children with you not just on boring errands, but also when you work, socialize or exercise. I was at my gym the other day when a father came in with his 4-year-old son. The two of them took turns working out with a trainer teaching them martial arts moves. When it wasn’t his turn, the 4-year-old scrambled around the gym and, when he got tired, lay on his belly on the mat and watched his father practice kicks. Observing the boy, his big eyes taking in a ton of social information, I thought about all the parents who say that they have no time to exercise because they’re too busy with their kids.

At the same time, I thought about all the gyms that bar small children. Even as parenting has gotten more intensive, public spaces, especially in the United States, seem to have become more hostile to the presence of children. "



This part really resonated with me, because of an experience I had yesterday! After neglecting my own fitness since my divorce in 2020, and making a lot of excuses about how hard it is to fit in workouts with young kids, I finally decided to join a CrossFit gym within walking distance of my house. I was hesitant because they don't have childcare, but the owner assured me my 7 and 10 year old could just hang out during the session.

When we went yesterday, we rode our bikes there, and the kids brought a backpack full of books/small toys. There was a toddler there as well, so all the kids played together while the grownups worked out and when my kids got bored they went outside and rode their bikes around in the parking lot. Yes, it was slightly inconvenient for me because I had to keep reminding them at first to stay off the equipment and out of the grownups way for safety, but it was really good for them in the long run. They got bored, they found appropriate ways to entertain themselves, they cheered me on during lifts, they entertained the baby so his parents could workout, and most of all - they saw their mom prioritizing herself and working hard to make her body strong! I'm grateful for the gym's family-friendly approach - it's certainly reduced my stress as a parent trying to juggle it all. 

Loved this article - thank you for sharing!

[Jalapeñomel]

Oct 4, 2024 13:25:11 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I will say this type of parenting does seem easier living in a city. I’ve never been a parent in a rural or suburban area but grew up more in those.

When we go for errands we walk. Often times, especially in the summer we’ll stumble upon an event, parade, music, performers, etc. And even if not that there are playgrounds every few blocks, so it’s inevitable that we’ll go do an errand and then go to the playground and then continue on with errands, etc very spontaneously without a plan. I imagine that is much harder to accomplish if you have to drive everywhere.

So I do feel like it comes naturally to drag the toddler around for errands and out to eat or a museum or events since there is so much easily accessible stuff here and I’m thankful for that recognizing that not everyone has that option.

It’s also something people who have no family to watch children are just sort of forced to do.

[cville]

I agree with this article. But I'm also sick and tired of people telling everyone else how to parent. We're all just making it up as we go along. Down with parenting articles! Up with binge watching Love is Blind!

[Michelle]

for the longest time there was a big empty space between my neighborhood and the big freeway interchange. I fantasized about building a donut-type building with an atrium in the middle. The outer perimeter would be 1/2 coffee/light snacks shop, 1/4 smoothie shop, 1/4 restroom/nursing area. Inside the atrium would be a playground setting with parent tables and chairs all around so parents could have coffee, book club, etc. and their kids could play on the playground with light supervision but no need for helicoptering since it would be harder to wander off or be kidnapped if you had to go through the coffee or smoothie shop to get to the outside. There'd also be pretty thick glass so those wanting the coffee shop quiet wouldn't have to hear kid screams and cries. I also imagined a drive-thru for both the coffee and smoothie place for those of us on our way to work, given the location right at the freeway interchange. You could get high volume customers for those on the go and those who want to lounge could come inside.

Now I'm thinking it could have been half coffee, half bar, with smoothies at the bar, lol.

Unfortunately there is now strip center there with a mattress store, bank, daycare, and a donut shop that is normally a great brand but this location's are always cold.

This article is reviving my fantasy.

[wanderingback]

Oct 4, 2024 16:27:10 GMT -5 cville said:

I agree with this article. But I'm also sick and tired of people telling everyone else how to parent. We're all just making it up as we go along. Down with parenting articles! Up with binge watching Love is Blind!

I’ll admit I’m all for articles that tell people to chill out lol.

But yes I binged LIB and I’m currently ignoring my daughter who is begging me to read her a book

[expectantsteelerfan]

Oct 4, 2024 14:51:33 GMT -5 IndiaInk said:

"This approach can take the form of bringing children with you not just on boring errands, but also when you work, socialize or exercise. I was at my gym the other day when a father came in with his 4-year-old son. The two of them took turns working out with a trainer teaching them martial arts moves. When it wasn’t his turn, the 4-year-old scrambled around the gym and, when he got tired, lay on his belly on the mat and watched his father practice kicks. Observing the boy, his big eyes taking in a ton of social information, I thought about all the parents who say that they have no time to exercise because they’re too busy with their kids.

At the same time, I thought about all the gyms that bar small children. Even as parenting has gotten more intensive, public spaces, especially in the United States, seem to have become more hostile to the presence of children. "



This part really resonated with me, because of an experience I had yesterday! After neglecting my own fitness since my divorce in 2020, and making a lot of excuses about how hard it is to fit in workouts with young kids, I finally decided to join a CrossFit gym within walking distance of my house. I was hesitant because they don't have childcare, but the owner assured me my 7 and 10 year old could just hang out during the session.

When we went yesterday, we rode our bikes there, and the kids brought a backpack full of books/small toys. There was a toddler there as well, so all the kids played together while the grownups worked out and when my kids got bored they went outside and rode their bikes around in the parking lot. Yes, it was slightly inconvenient for me because I had to keep reminding them at first to stay off the equipment and out of the grownups way for safety, but it was really good for them in the long run. They got bored, they found appropriate ways to entertain themselves, they cheered me on during lifts, they entertained the baby so his parents could workout, and most of all - they saw their mom prioritizing herself and working hard to make her body strong! I'm grateful for the gym's family-friendly approach - it's certainly reduced my stress as a parent trying to juggle it all. 

Loved this article - thank you for sharing!

That's great that you were able to find a place that works.  It reminded me of the gym I went to before Covid.  It was a boot-camp style gym, and there were benches before a row of open cubbies before you got to the 'blue mat' and kids were welcome to sit on the benches and wait while adults worked out, but they had to stay off the blue mats. 

And at times it was great...the workouts were 30 min. and most kids could hang and color, play with cars, etc. for 30 min., but other times, a few kids had screens and then all the kids gather around those kids to try to watch.  Other times there would be SO many kids there literally wasn't room for all of them.  And some kids just weren't mature enough to not get into trouble and the whole workout would stop so a parent could stop their kid (who was too young to play in a parking lot) from pushing the door open and escaping.  My kids were 8 and 10 when I worked out there, but I'm talking about 2-5 year olds.  I definitely would have felt more comfortable at a gym that provided a 'lightly' supervised childcare area when mine were that young, which goes against what the article is saying.  

But I also think of all the trips to Target my DD took with me before she started school.  The big red balls on the sidewalk were her favorite things to climb on, and she was so happy when she could 'hop' over them.  And going with me so much when she was little made me feel more comfortable letting her go look at 'her' stuff while I grocery shopped in other aisles.  So I do agree with the article in other ways.  

Mostly I just think parenting is hard, and I'm all for anything that makes it easier.  

[jlt19]

I see this at my son’s baseball game, with all of the younger siblings. The moms bring a few blankets, lot of snacks, some legos, art supplies and balls or something and those kids fend for themselves sometimes for hours.

[basilosaurus]

I was just waxing poetic about my upbringing of a family focused pool club. It sounds more exclusive than it is. They had a "teen" room so we could play pool and video games until food arrived. And after dinner, we could go back while adults had their decaf coffee and chatted. I prefered to stay with them, but they sent me away

So, when I see myself judging parents to distracting kids, I have to remember I got the same in the 80s just in a different manner. I was always begging to bring books to the table. How different is that? I'm not actually sure.

[sonrisa]

Oct 4, 2024 16:27:10 GMT -5 cville said:

I agree with this article. But I'm also sick and tired of people telling everyone else how to parent. We're all just making it up as we go along. Down with parenting articles! Up with binge watching Love is Blind!

amen to that. Everyone is doing their best, every family has their own situation and every kid is different.

[sent]

I laughed at the phrase "your average benign neglect daycare." When I was ready to put DD in a place with other kids and some structure to her days, I toured four daycares. I came home extremely confused why they kept talking about "curriculums" and "educational milestones" for toddlers that weren't even yet 2 years old. I remember creating a post on MMM to ask if this was normal because I had totally expected to tour a bunch of "benign neglect daycares" where I could send my kid for a few hours that would have a story time, a mealtime, and then be left on her own to figure it out with the other kids. I did like the "early childhood learning center" that she ended up attending much better. I wish all kids in the US could attend one of those. 

However beyond the early childhood learning center phase, I am so fed up with helicopter parenting. I grew up with very strict helicopter parents while all the other kids in the 80s and 90s were latchkey kids. I vowed to someday raise my kids to have way more freedom than I did. Now those same latchkey kids have turned into helicopter moms. I try to give my kids more freedom and they side-eye me. I've been taking my kids on errands since they were tiny. Recently I took them into the bank and they were acting up on the chairs while I was waiting in line. I went over to them and said "we're leaving." As we exited the bank, they said they would behave so we went back in and they did a much better job of waiting on the chairs. Of course it would've been much easier if I had just handed them a phone. I hope I'm doing this all correctly.

[shauni27]

Oct 4, 2024 13:25:11 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I will say this type of parenting does seem easier living in a city. I’ve never been a parent in a rural or suburban area but grew up more in those.

I live in a rural area with pockets of suburbia, so maybe I am just used to it, but I feel like it is super easy for us. We already have to drive everywhere, so our kids are used to being in the car for 20+ minutes on a daily basis. And we can just pull over and do a run break or stop at a playground or if we see a trail to hike or something, if we really need to. (this is not to discount what you are saying at all! I think we get used to our surroundings and find ways to adapt them to our parenting styles regardless of where that is, you know?)

Oct 4, 2024 14:51:33 GMT -5 IndiaInk said:

"This approach can take the form of bringing children with you not just on boring errands, but also when you work, socialize or exercise. I was at my gym the other day when a father came in with his 4-year-old son. The two of them took turns working out with a trainer teaching them martial arts moves. When it wasn’t his turn, the 4-year-old scrambled around the gym and, when he got tired, lay on his belly on the mat and watched his father practice kicks. Observing the boy, his big eyes taking in a ton of social information, I thought about all the parents who say that they have no time to exercise because they’re too busy with their kids.

At the same time, I thought about all the gyms that bar small children. Even as parenting has gotten more intensive, public spaces, especially in the United States, seem to have become more hostile to the presence of children. "

My son (7) has been coming to work out with me since he was 2. He would watch and safely participate when appropriate. He has become an honorary member of our bootcamp and when we do Murph or other big workout events he participates. We are running a 5K this weekend, next weekend he is doing an outdoor workout fundraiser with all the adults.

There are newer rules now that prevent him from doing the normal daily workouts with us, so we have recently allowed him his 30 minutes of screen time while I am working out, but before and after class, he is using the gym with our guidance.