@ Firstborn and only children likelier to have anxiety

[neverfstop]

www.axios.com/2024/10/16/firstborn-only-children-anxiety-depression

Firstborn and only children are likelier to develop anxiety and depression by the time they reach age 8 than children who are born second or later, according to a new review of almost 182,500 cases.



Why it matters: The findings add another wrinkle to the still-unresolved debate over whether birth order affects childhood mental health. A conclusive link could aid in identifying other risk factors for behavioral disorders.

[livinitup]

I’d love to learn more. It would be interesting to get good data on birth order and mental health outcomes.

Some parents feel such guilt for not giving their additional children the same focus and attention as their first. Wouldn't it be funny if all that attention wasn’t so great after all.

[loira]

Huh. As an only child turned eldest child (parents had a 2nd and 3rd when I was 11 and 14) this is interesting. I do have anxiety but this is mostly because I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD. I'm not sure if it spiked when I was a teen because I suddenly became an eldest child or because it was bound to spike at that time.

My DD is an only child and is also an anxious kid but I assumed it was genetic. I can't imagine I'd be a less anxious mum if I had more kids - if anything I think it would cause me to be more anxious/reactive.

[livinitup]

loira I don’t think they meant you’d be less anxious with more kids. It’s the kids who are less anxious if their birth order lands them as not the first born or only.

I do remember laughing with a mom I met in a park. We were talking while her little kid sat in a stroller and chewed on a pizza crust. He dropped ithe crust on the ground and I picked it up. The little kid wanted it back and the mom said “It’s okay, he can have it. He’s my third.” She wasn’t even trying to be funny. It still made us laugh.

Or the time I was helping during breakfast at my cousin’s house. Mom was feeding the oldest, dad was feeding the second oldest, and the third was buttering his toast and feeding himself. My cousin laughed and said the third was a great eater because they ran out of parents to feed him.

[mcppalmbeach]

You don’t say…signed an anxious only who spent the evening trying to cope with an anxious oldest.

My 2nd born has no anxiety whatsoever. Jury still out on the third.

[abs]

Oh.

Yes. Can confirm. For me and my only child DD,

[wanderingback]

Very interesting!
I wonder if more specifics will be made about the correlation.

I’m an only child and the opposite of having anxiety. If my toddler’s behavior continues similar to how she is now then I think she’ll be the same as me and the opposite of anxious and she will be an only child.

I know everyone is gonna chime in with their anecdotes

[loira]

Oct 16, 2024 21:36:20 GMT -5 livinitup said:

loira I don’t think they meant you’d be less anxious with more kids. It’s the kids who are less anxious if their birth order lands them as not the first born or only.

I do remember laughing with a mom I met in a park. We were talking while her little kid sat in a stroller and chewed on a pizza crust. He dropped ithe crust on the ground and I picked it up. The little kid wanted it back and the mom said “It’s okay, he can have it. He’s my third.” She wasn’t even trying to be funny. It still made us laugh.

Or the time I was helping during breakfast at my cousin’s house. Mom was feeding the oldest, dad was feeding the second oldest, and the third was buttering his toast and feeding himself. My cousin laughed and said the third was a great eater because they ran out of parents to feed him.

Yes I get that, but at the same time you just pointed out that parents often act way more chill with their spare kids (eat off the floors, we don't have the energy to make food for all of you). Whether they FEEL chill or not I don't know, but it's implied that parents are acting more chill/ giving less attention to subsequent kids and therefore those kids are less anxious.

[noodleoo]

Yup, this rings true for our family as well (both with our kids and my adult siblings).

DD2 is so much more chill than DD1. I think a combination of us being experienced (eg. less anxious) parents and not having our undivided attention from birth helps.

However i know other families where the kids temperaments don’t follow that pattern, obviously genetics has a component too.

[imimahoney]

Both of my kids have anxiety. For the first, it's relatively mild but for the 2nd, it's very impactful to their everyday life.

[leahcar]

My oldest and middle both have anxiety. DD1's is more textbook and reminds me so much of my own eldest child, overachiever self.

DD2 has ADHD. Anxiety often co-presents, but that became obvious for her as an older tween/young teen.

Jury is still out on the 9 yo; I hope she avoids the anxiety that curses the rest of us.

[neverfstop]

I wonder if this is a very Western/American thing...is this mainly culturally driven? Or more of a SE thing? I do think that many eldest children, at least in big families of olden days, tended to age up quickly as they had to care for younger siblings.

[mags]

Oldest of 4 girls here.

2nd and 3rd are definitely the most anxious. Maybe because there is the a short age gap between them?

In my 3 children the oldest definitely has the most anxiety.

[scm1011]

Huh, its the exact opposite for my kids. DS (7) is the chillest, posi, most go with the flow kid. DD (5) has such debilitating anxiety we had to medicate her.

[joy]

I’m the second child/baby of the family.

I have far far far more anxiety than my older sister.

But, I understand that my story doesn’t make the generalized trend less true.

I only have one child but I do wonder if having a second would have made me relax more or wind up tighter. The idea of a second put me into such a tailspin that I never truly considered finding out.

[wanderingback]

Oct 17, 2024 5:25:20 GMT -5 neverfstop said:

I wonder if this is a very Western/American thing...is this mainly culturally driven? Or more of a SE thing? I do think that many eldest children, at least in big families of olden days, tended to age up quickly as they had to care for younger siblings.

Obviously can’t speak to every culture, but I think in many cultures the first born, whether that be a son or daughter often face a lot of pressure. I’ve dated men from multiple cultures and this has definitely rung true. I have actually never dated another only child.

[wanderingback]

Also for the first and only children, I wonder if there is correlation to their parents mental health diagnoses.

Since I’m not anxious, obviously I care about my child, but I def haven’t worried about some of the things I’ve noticed some other first time parents worry about. I let my daughter eat off the floor from the beginning lol. Our daughter isn’t 2 yet but talks in full sentences and understands more complex thinking for her age. Several people have asked "what did you do to get her to talk so much and have conversations" and I reassure people that we did absolutely nothing. We def didn’t force any language on her or do anything special or were worried at all about her development. We just go with the flow. So you just never know!

[breezy8407]

Checks out for me.

I am always curious about these findings as a parent of twins. DD is first born, and definitely has the classic first born traits, as well as being anxious. I am always fascinated in their differences since they have in theory, experienced the same life so far. To our own detriment sometimes, we have always strived for everything being equal for them.

[wanderingback]

Oct 17, 2024 8:54:55 GMT -5 breezy8407 said:

Checks out for me.

I am always curious about these findings as a parent of twins. DD is first born, and definitely has the classic first born traits, as well as being anxious. I am always fascinated in their differences since they have in theory, experienced the same life so far. To our own detriment sometimes, we have always strived for everything being equal for them.

Does your screen name match your personality? lol.

[cville]

Response to title only: obviously. How is this news?

I will now read the article.

[DotAndBuzz]

I mean, yes, obviously.

In my small sample size of my family, and H's family, yes this tracks. My younger brother and sister are fucked up in other ways, but anxiety isn't one of them, lol. H and his brother also follow the anxiety trend, as do both my girls. My youngest has some, but it doesn't impact her life like her sister's, and she didn't really show signs of it until more recently. Looking back, my older one was showing signs as early as toddlerhood, I just didn't recognize it for what it was, because 1) new parent, and 2) I figured toddlers were supposed to be beasts, so her Beast Mode was what I thought was "normal," not a manifestation of something bigger.

[StrawberryBlondie]

Anecdotally... I'm an only child and have never had any anxiety (quite the opposite). DD is an only, and she doesn't either. DH is the 3rd and he's a ball of anxiety.

I wonder if there's a correlation to only children who like being an only and only children who really wanted a sibling. Most onlies I know are really binary in that being an only child is the best thing ever and having a sibling would've been the worst thing ever, or that they hated being an only and wanted a sibling with their whole hearts. I've never anyone ambivalent about it.

[mrsukyankee]

My H is only born to two Indian parents. He was the focus of their everything - EVERYTHING. And yes, he felt that pressure throughout his life. His parents would have loved for him to continue living at home his entire life, pressured him through financial incentives to have his first flat less than a mile away (which he did), etc. He puts a lot of pressure on himself now and we live with my MIL, so that's a stressor as well.

I'm a first born to a first male and a first female in families but not first born. I would say there is some anxiety from being first born as I am rule driven in a lot of ways, want to fit, etc. Being a therapist has been a saving grace for me as I worked through a lot of my anxieties (phobias and social anxiety) so I feel more chill than I was when I was younger.

[mrsslocombe]

H is an only child and has severe anxiety. Both his parents also had really terrible anxiety (1 was first born, the other 2 of 2).

I'm a first born (of two) and don't have anxiety. Neither of my parents have anxiety. My sister does.

[cville]

Okay. I read the stuff. It's about relative frequency, not an "any chill firstborn or anxious youngest is an anomaly."

That said, there's a reason "first born daughter is bossy and anxious" content is memed everywhere. Double dose of factors.

What reading stuff like this and looking at memes does for me being the anxious first born daughter of an anxious first born daughter and mother of an anxious first born daughter is lets me know I'm not alone and neither are they. It does not cause me to weep and wring hands over the possibility that if my daughter has kids and her firstborn/only is a girl she is doomed to a life of mental health challenges.

It's interesting and a watch out.

[picksthemusic]

DD is my oldest and I'm almost certain she is on the OCD spectrum. She has anxiety but it comes out as a need to control everything around her. I am not sure if it's because she is the oldest/first born or if she just expects a lot of herself.

ETA for an anecdote: It took DD until she was 14 months old to walk on her own (without holding fingers) because she didn't trust herself to walk unassisted. I had to physically push (very, very gently lol) her to take her first steps. She took two steps and then promptly fell backwards because she was so used to someone being right behind her to catch her. She was held/carried constantly as an infant/young baby because all the grandparents didn't want to put her down because they just loved her so much.

DS was running by 12 months because he wanted to keep up with his sister. lol

[bugandbibs]

I think I have lost sense of what's a normal level of anxiety and when it is a problem. Obviously in the extreme it's clear, but sometimes it's hard to differentiate between a lack of skill (coping, communication, functional organization, etc that can be learned) and an underlying diagnosable cause.

It stood out to me that younger children are more "prosocial" and prone to wanting to help others. I wonder how much of this is related to perspective? Like older siblings are expected to help (they don't choose or have ownership of helping which feels negative) and younger children "get" to help and that feels more positive?

[Scout'sHonor]

So we've got two first borns raising an only, my poor kid!

[breezy8407]

Oct 17, 2024 9:35:56 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Oct 17, 2024 8:54:55 GMT -5 breezy8407 said:

Checks out for me.

I am always curious about these findings as a parent of twins. DD is first born, and definitely has the classic first born traits, as well as being anxious. I am always fascinated in their differences since they have in theory, experienced the same life so far. To our own detriment sometimes, we have always strived for everything being equal for them.

Does your screen name match your personality? lol.

It's aspirational! 

[tiki]

I'd like to know if gender plays any role in these results. For example, my mom has crippling social anxiety despite being the fifth child, but she was the first and only daughter.