@ Firstborn and only children likelier to have anxiety

[sakoro]

How much of this is “you have to be a good example to your younger siblings! If you misbehave/ don’t do well in school, it affects them too”.

Or as an only child, “you’re the only kid we have, so you need to be extra cautious about driving/ getting in cars with other people/ using drugs/ alcohol… you can’t take risks because you’re all we got”.

[heygrey]

I love reading about only children since I am an only raising an only. I think DS and I defy a lot of the stereotypes, but some are dead on.

I was not an anxious kid, but neither of my parents have ever been anxious people. I think I won the genetics vs. birth order on that one. DS(10) has expressed moments of anxiety, but it's all situationally appropriate and he's always been able to articulate his feelings pretty well. I am aware of his comments, but they don't cause me concern at this point.

H is the 9th child in a large family and I would LOVE if someone would give me some birth order studies on him, lol. He is the most anxious of the three of us, but not remotely as anxious as some of his siblings. I wouldn't say his parents are particularly anxious people either, but it's definitely a common trait among several of his siblings.

[glw]

I've never dealt with anxiety, but First Born Daughter Syndrome? 1000%.

(Perfectionist, over-achiever, "old soul"/never got to act like a kid, had to "set an example" for younger relatives, caregiver to everyone, feels responsible for keeping the peace in the family, plans all the family stuff, etc. etc.)

[wildrice]

All three of us have anxiety, lol. I believe my mom does too, which I am sure was a contributing factor. Of the three kids, I'm the oldest and honestly probably the most stable with my mental health - but that leads me to think about WHY. I think some of it is that in our family dynamic, I've always been the one who has to keep it together because everyone else is more emotional than I am. I am definitely more of a people pleaser than either of my sisters and so a lot of drama in my family has been more about me trying to calm everyone down and get them to get along vs dealing with my own emotional needs. I do see this pattern going beyond my family and showing up in my marriage, friend relationships, etc as well. I tend to the be leader and the problem solver vs the one who needs to be reassured or helped. I am waiting for the day when I crack and need someone else to do that for me, but so far it hasn't happened.

[glw]

Oct 18, 2024 10:51:00 GMT -5 wildrice said:

I'm the oldest

Please see above ^^ lol

[pinkdutchtulips]

Not surprised. I'm a firstborn who has slight anxiety who is a parent to an only who has severe anxiety. 

My anxiety spiked at 5 yo when I was lost at Disneyland by a relative. My mom thought it was cute that whenever we went somewhere I was always counting noses making sure everyone was where they were supposed to be (I'm also the oldest of 4). Nope, just an anxiety thing from being lost at the happiest place on earth. When it comes to being on time, it gives me horrible anxiety if we're running late for any reason bc we're not where we're supposed to be. 

DD though has horrible anxiety - most likely due to abandonment issues stemming from her dad (direct) and me (indirect). Also she has anxiety regarding her health. Its exhausting having to reassure her over and over that she's not dying. She'll go to Dr. Google and Dr. Reddit to check her symptoms and for a dx .. never a good idea. 

[pinkdutchtulips]

Oct 18, 2024 10:44:29 GMT -5 glw said:

I've never dealt with anxiety, but First Born Daughter Syndrome? 1000%.

(Perfectionist, over-achiever, "old soul"/never got to act like a kid, had to "set an example" for younger relatives, caregiver to everyone, feels responsible for keeping the peace in the family, plans all the family stuff, etc. etc.)

+1 on the first born daughter syndrome + a dash of anxiety

[cville]

Oct 18, 2024 10:44:29 GMT -5 glw said:

I've never dealt with anxiety, but First Born Daughter Syndrome? 1000%.

(Perfectionist, over-achiever, "old soul"/never got to act like a kid, had to "set an example" for younger relatives, caregiver to everyone, feels responsible for keeping the peace in the family, plans all the family stuff, etc. etc.)

Hate to break it to you, but sounds like you have dealt with some anxiety. And by some, I mean potentially a lot.

[Scout'sHonor]

Oct 18, 2024 11:44:43 GMT -5 cville said:

Oct 18, 2024 10:44:29 GMT -5 glw said:

I've never dealt with anxiety, but First Born Daughter Syndrome? 1000%.

(Perfectionist, over-achiever, "old soul"/never got to act like a kid, had to "set an example" for younger relatives, caregiver to everyone, feels responsible for keeping the peace in the family, plans all the family stuff, etc. etc.)

Hate to break it to you, but sounds like you have dealt with some anxiety. And by some, I mean potentially a lot.

Right, I was like "But that's exactly my anxiety!"

[glw]

Oct 18, 2024 11:44:43 GMT -5 cville said:

Oct 18, 2024 10:44:29 GMT -5 glw said:

I've never dealt with anxiety, but First Born Daughter Syndrome? 1000%.

(Perfectionist, over-achiever, "old soul"/never got to act like a kid, had to "set an example" for younger relatives, caregiver to everyone, feels responsible for keeping the peace in the family, plans all the family stuff, etc. etc.)

Hate to break it to you, but sounds like you have dealt with some anxiety. And by some, I mean potentially a lot

Perhaps; if I google "symptoms of anxiety" I check none of the boxes, though:

Mental symptoms: Feeling tense, restless, or irritable, having difficulty concentrating, or having a sense of impending doom
Physical symptoms: Having a rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, or shaking, experiencing nausea or abdominal distress, or having unexplained aches and pains
Behavioral changes: Avoiding places or situations that trigger anxiety, or having difficulty enjoying leisure time
Sleep issues: Having trouble sleeping or staying asleep
Other symptoms: Feeling tearful, having intrusive traumatic memories, or having obsessive thoughts

[glw]

Oct 18, 2024 11:51:50 GMT -5 Scout'sHonor said:

Oct 18, 2024 11:44:43 GMT -5 cville said:

Hate to break it to you, but sounds like you have dealt with some anxiety. And by some, I mean potentially a lot.

Right, I was like "But that's exactly my anxiety!"

I guess I'm defining "anxiety" in a more clinical way. I don't have any of the symptoms of anxiety that would lead me to a diagnosis as such.

[picksthemusic]

Oct 18, 2024 12:21:53 GMT -5 glw said:

Oct 18, 2024 11:44:43 GMT -5 cville said:

Hate to break it to you, but sounds like you have dealt with some anxiety. And by some, I mean potentially a lot

Perhaps; if I google "symptoms of anxiety" I check none of the boxes, though:

Mental symptoms: Feeling tense, restless, or irritable, having difficulty concentrating, or having a sense of impending doom
Physical symptoms: Having a rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, or shaking, experiencing nausea or abdominal distress, or having unexplained aches and pains
Behavioral changes: Avoiding places or situations that trigger anxiety, or having difficulty enjoying leisure time
Sleep issues: Having trouble sleeping or staying asleep
Other symptoms: Feeling tearful, having intrusive traumatic memories, or having obsessive thoughts

This is the form we used in the clinic to screen for anxiety.

adaa.org/sites/default/files/GAD-7_Anxiety-updated_0.pdf

Another anecdote: I thought I had anxiety when in reality I had crippling ADHD. Now that I'm medicated for it, I'm MUCH less anxious than before, and I sleep so much more soundly since my brain isn't working overtime anymore.

[cville]

Oct 18, 2024 12:21:53 GMT -5 glw said:

Oct 18, 2024 11:44:43 GMT -5 cville said:

Hate to break it to you, but sounds like you have dealt with some anxiety. And by some, I mean potentially a lot

Perhaps; if I google "symptoms of anxiety" I check none of the boxes, though:

Mental symptoms: Feeling tense, restless, or irritable, having difficulty concentrating, or having a sense of impending doom
Physical symptoms: Having a rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, or shaking, experiencing nausea or abdominal distress, or having unexplained aches and pains
Behavioral changes: Avoiding places or situations that trigger anxiety, or having difficulty enjoying leisure time
Sleep issues: Having trouble sleeping or staying asleep
Other symptoms: Feeling tearful, having intrusive traumatic memories, or having obsessive thoughts

I was joking. I'm obviously not qualified to make a diagnosis on an internet message board.

But I will say for ME, my perfectionism, for example, was motivated a lot as a way of handling intrusive/obsessive thoughts, avoidance generally, trying to relieve tension, etc. Once I realized WHY, and got the why treated, I was less perfectionistic. I have other complicating personal history and genetic factors though.

[glw]

Oct 18, 2024 12:54:42 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

Oct 18, 2024 12:21:53 GMT -5 glw said:

Perhaps; if I google "symptoms of anxiety" I check none of the boxes, though:

Mental symptoms: Feeling tense, restless, or irritable, having difficulty concentrating, or having a sense of impending doom
Physical symptoms: Having a rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, or shaking, experiencing nausea or abdominal distress, or having unexplained aches and pains
Behavioral changes: Avoiding places or situations that trigger anxiety, or having difficulty enjoying leisure time
Sleep issues: Having trouble sleeping or staying asleep
Other symptoms: Feeling tearful, having intrusive traumatic memories, or having obsessive thoughts

This is the form we used in the clinic to screen for anxiety.

adaa.org/sites/default/files/GAD-7_Anxiety-updated_0.pdf

Another anecdote: I thought I had anxiety when in reality I had crippling ADHD. Now that I'm medicated for it, I'm MUCH less anxious than before, and I sleep so much more soundly since my brain isn't working overtime anymore.

Thanks for sharing; I'm a 0 on that scale. 
(PDQ) Living with someone with ADHD and OCD I'm pretty sure I don't have those either

[ssmjlm]

I feel like 2009 - 2016 for birth years is when a bunch of older millennials started having kids and we all wanted the Best Parent Evah trophy. I’m sure that affected things.

Mine is an only and leans mainly in the honey badger territory.

[macmars45]

I have anxiety and H has depression. We are OAD. DS is autistic and has adhd. He is anxious, however autism and anxiety co-occur in 50% of autistic people so basically it was inevitable. :-p

[irishbride2]

I am an only who then became the oldest of 3 (2 1/2 sisters) and then the oldest of 6 (3 step sisters).

My personality IS anxiety.

[trytobearunner34]

Very timely as we are dealing with what is likely anxiety in our 7 yo only who we had attributed to family history but the family history comes from that of her dad who is also an only so….things that make you to hmmm…

[basilosaurus]

I'd be shocked if I didn't have anxiety. A firstborn, mom diganosed with terminal cancer when I was 3, home hospice, younger sister treated me as mom, earliest memory is watching her ct scan, of course I was anxious!

But my specific situation obviously cannot be extrapolated. Maybe I'd be a anxious mess regardless.