@ Parenting Politics

[ellipses84]

Please share any parenting related thoughts you have about the election or raising kids in this political environment for the next few years.

PDQ
I dropped my ballot off on the way to drop my boys off at school and was explaining to them how important this election was to women because rights we’ve had for 50 years had been taken away. They stopped me and said, that’s important for us too! 🥹

I just broke the news to them, in tears, but they woke up a few minutes before me and had already seen the headlines (one has a phone he uses for an alarm clock and one was watching Euro football ⚽️ on the iPad).

In the last few days and especially the past 24 hours I realized I’ve been in a bit of an online echo chamber and not been talking about things to people enough IRL. I need to be more intentional about making sure my boys are educated socially and politically, and don’t ever go down a redpill incel path. My brother fits the incel stereotype but he grew up in a blue city/state and his high school BFF is trans so he is extremely liberal (and gave our Stepdad hell for voting 🍊 in 2016 - everyone else in our extended family voted blue). I know peer groups have a ton to do with who children grow up to be as well.

I think teaching kids the importance of choosing good friends, good character, right and wrong standing up to bullies and speaking out for the bullied is important too. Moral /ethics lessons are important. I got a lot of that from church and my kids had a bit of religion from preschool and short attendance at churches but at this point I really don’t want any part of Christianity in this country. It’s honestly a fear of mine that my kids will gravitate to Christian Nationalism as an adult. How do I combat that?

I got into a huge debate with DH the other day because I feel like he wants to bury his head in the sand and not deal with problems in the world or life. Like, he’d never vote for 🍊 but politics are not his thing so he doesn’t fully understand the gravity of my concerns or why this election was so important. He’s a GenX-er and can definitely have an old school resistant to change attitude, so he’s not without toxic masculinity, which can be little things like, I don’t want to watch the Barbie movie (and I’m often outnumbered as the only female in the house). There’s a TikToker who “Pinkpills” her husband with all these crazy facts about women and I feel like I need to start doing that with him and the boys. In our daily life, it’s not like he’s a total mysogynist. I’m usually the primary breadwinner, so he does nearly all the cooking, a lot of the cleaning, most of the school runs, we’ve always been pretty 50-50 with parenting since the kids were toddlers, etc.

Feel free to share any parenting resources that align with liberal, non-religious ideals.

[rachers]

Oh I struggled with this this morning. My DD (7) has been SO excited for a first female President and I know she is going to be devastated. She didn't ask so I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to ruin her school day. We'll talk about it this afternoon.

I don't shy away from talking to her about things - she often goes with me to my Moms Demand Action meetings for gun violence and DH and I talk about politics often. We try to kid it down for her as much as we can.

I did feel a little guilt this morning, wondering if I was putting too much on her the past few months because I know it has stressed her out. But I want her to understand why things are the way they are and I want her to have a voice in a world that seems to constantly be trying to take it away from her. And I want to be the positive person to keep up the confidence that hopefully (ONE DAY) we can finally see positive change.

It sucks. This is hard and my heart feels really heavy today.

[mrspez07]

ellipses84
I could have written nearly the same thing. Raising 2 cis- white boys and not feeling like I'm vocal enough about being female. Or about standing up for what is right and good.

[breezy8407]

I've been struggling with this for months. I actually didn't say anything, but DS saw snapchat before he left the house and said "So Trump won?" he said some friends had posted about it with the "Let's effing go" tag.

I also worry I've put too much on them with my values. Its all from a place of being a good, caring person and caring about humanity. So I feel like a sham I guess? Because good lost and evil won.

I was bringing DS to practice last night and I was telling him about 2016, and how excited i was to vote for the first woman president. And he turns to me and pats me on the shoulder and said "Mom you just did." And now I want to cry again.

My thoughts aren't coherent...I just keep feeling like I don't know what to say or think. 

[gretchenindisguise]

Last night was hard. I had both kids and both kittens piled on me.

Pdq

15yo dd is gay. 10 yo amab on a gender journey currently using she/her pronouns. We live in CA, so somewhat isolated but our area is turning redder and school board elections don’t seem to have swung great this year. I am scared for them both. But they are also both prone to anxiety, eldest has done lots of therapy and is on meds, so I am trying my hardest to be as positive snd reassuring and also realistic as possible.

[underwaterrhymes]

Telling my kids was the hardest thing.

They keep coming over for hugs and asking why. I don’t know what to tell them that even makes sense.

[hermione]

My 11yo cried and said, "I know my future just changed." She's not wrong.

[lilac05]

I told my kids that I don’t understand how people voted for someone so hateful, but they did. And all I can do now is everything possible to create the world that I want my kids to live in. I reminded them of the ultimate importance of loving ALL of our neighbors, but especially making sure their marginalized friends know that they are loved and we will never stop fighting for them.

Admittedly, this comes with a HUGE dose of privilege, as I have two boys. I don’t think I would be able to muster that speech to a daughter.

As far as avoiding Christian Nationalism, I love to follow @thenewevangelicals. They’re building something really great, I think. We talk a lot with our kids about the intersection (or lack thereof) between our faith and our politics. Our faith informs our politics (love your neighbor, care for the sick, the poor, and the immigrants, etc. But we do not use politics to control other people and their behavior to fit our faith. Ever.

[ssmjlm]

We've already been having a lot of safety and body autonomy talks. I live in too red of an area where rapes were swept under the rug.

We've practiced what to say if she's somewhere uncomfortable, calling us, blaming us for why she has to leave "oh my mom just found out I got a bad grade and is making me come home, etc."

We'll have to have more conversations once things like birth control, etc are taken away. How long is plan b good for? Probably need to google that.

DH and I have had conversations already about medical care and abortion support. Even if not for our kid, but what if it's a friend.

She's only 11 and I fear for her teenage years with this dictator.

[Patsy Baloney]

I have an 11yo girl and 5yo boy.

My biggest stand is no YouTube right now and generally no unfettered media consumption. No, you’re not getting red pilled in my house. I’ll crush anything I can to keep that shit away from them. But I know that only lasts as long as I hold the keys to their kingdom. The window is rapidly closing.

I think/hope they see me as a fighter. My daughter has labeled me “complainer mom”. I used to take it personally, but now I recognize she is trying to be humorous and is understanding of how I bitch and moan and show up to fight for the betterment of our community. We volunteer. We donate. We do all these things as visibly as possible, not because we are “good” or “have time”. These actions are mandates. It is part of living.

We’re not like other families, that’s for sure. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. My husband has been a party to my weariness in being “complainer mom” and he’s now “complainer dad”. For every fight I take up, he does the same level of effort. If I send an email, he sends and email. If I make a phone call, he makes a phone call. If I speak at a board meeting, he speaks at a board meeting. Demonstrating that shared responsibility has been HUGE for us in helping our kids understand who we should all be, even when it sucks to be that person.

I also want to give credit to my daughter’s social study teacher. He has been integral in shifting our home conversations toward critical thinking, perspectives, the root of beliefs, and purpose. This election cycle, my daughter asked me why we vote the way we do and why my brother’s family doesn’t. We talked about wealth, public service, beliefs about the role of the government, healthcare, autonomy, culture, etc.

Exposure is the only thing I know to do. I really hope when they’re adults they’ll be operating in solid belief systems that are built on community and not the individual. I hope they’ll do something good for someone else and think, “I’m making my mom proud.”

[AJL]

My children at 14 (DD) and 16 (DS). DD was in tears this morning and DS was just silent. We let them stay home from school. I'm sure for some that is a silly thing to do, but I don't care. I'm a therapist and I prefer my children take care of themselves then worry about some assignment or lesson. We can make those up. I also want them to know that life can be hard and they don't always have to show up. They can rest, reset, and heal.

I'm seeing clients today and no one has canceled so it's likely going to be a full day of holding space for everyone. Now the trick will be how to hold space for myself.

[breezy8407]

Patsy Baloney Good point about SM and youtube. I am going to check in with them on what they are seeing.

[brady2012]

My kids are 11 and 13 and just due to geography the kids in this area have a lot of parents working in politics and the federal government.  So on the whole these kids have a broader understanding of what is happening politically then kids may have in other areas of the country due to exposure at home and locally.  My kids hid under their bed with foam swords the night of January 6 because of proximity.  That said, partially because of where we are, most/all of their friends views align with ours and so I don't have to worry much about any mixed messages which I am grateful for.

I plan on talking to them about a path forward and what our role should be. They are old enough to take an active role so I will provide them with opportunities to get involved in causes they think are important and I will support them. I feel that the best thing I can do for this country right now is to raise caring, empathetic human beings who are civic-minded enough to get involved and stay involved as adults.  It is our responsibility to right this ship and I firmly believe that we can.

[Patsy Baloney]

Nov 6, 2024 12:43:15 GMT -5 breezy8407 said:

Patsy Baloney Good point about SM and youtube. I am going to check in with them on what they are seeing.

Even their ad algorithms can be absolute trash. Someone like me who is tracked to kingdom come via cookies still gets a whole lot of conservative propaganda. It’s not an echo chamber - they’re infecting anyone they can.

[anlo]

PDQ

My 17 yo daughter has her first gynecologist appt scheduled for a few weeks from now. She was on the fence about an IUD but told me now she thinks she has to just in case she can’t later.

My 16 yo son has autism and gets services through Medicaid. For now.

[sequins]

PDQ

I can't explain the devastation on my 9 year old's face when I told her.

And to add insult to injury, I had to warn her about the rise in racism we'll soon see against south asians, and to tell her to be very careful with what she says. She wanted to wear an all blue indian outfit to school so maybe she should take over the fight because I'm feeling defeated.

I'm devastated on so many levels but especially about a potential AR ban. I was so hoping we could get that done if Kamala's elected.

[5kcandlesinthewind]

Nov 6, 2024 11:45:02 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Telling my kids was the hardest thing.

They keep coming over for hugs and asking why. I don’t know what to tell them that even makes sense.

My 9 year old was gutted. He couldn’t stop sobbing when I told him, and I could barely hold it together.
Later, he asked me if people didn’t like Coach Walz as much any more. I said, “no, bud, I don’t think that was it.” And he got real quiet and said, “so they just don’t want a woman President.”
I told him the only way we get through this is to be kind to everyone, and ourselves, because a lot of people are going to be hurting and right now, that’s the best thing we can do to help. He said, “ok, but do I have to be kind to TRUMP?” so at least he shook it off enough to go to school.

[ellipses84]

Nov 6, 2024 12:48:28 GMT -5 Patsy Baloney said:

Nov 6, 2024 12:43:15 GMT -5 breezy8407 said:

Patsy Baloney Good point about SM and youtube. I am going to check in with them on what they are seeing.

Even their ad algorithms can be absolute trash. Someone like me who is tracked to kingdom come via cookies still gets a whole lot of conservative propaganda. It’s not an echo chamber - they’re infecting anyone they can.

Yeah we have Bark which is parental monitoring on devices but I agree the ads are trash and teens are so good at figuring out work around so I think we really need to teach them how to think critically and make good choices.

[pinkdutchtulips]

After 4 LONG years of school refusal, we FINALLY have my daughter back in a classroom in a special school (therapeutic) run by the county. Any Federal cuts to public education means her program is on the chopping block. I fought so hard and long for her to get back into something that resembles 'normal' school that to have it all undone makes me sick. 

[StrawberryBlondie]

I couldn't bring myself to tell DD this morning. I feel bad that she probably found out at school but I hope she will understand that I wasn't in a place this morning to talk about it.

I have no idea how I'm going to navigate the next 4 years. Genuinely no idea.

[sdlaura]

We're on the West coast so knew the likely outcome before bedtime, and told the kids it wasn't looking good. Then this morning we talked about who won. We decided to all wear blue today to sort of register our discontent and the kids got really into that idea, especially my 10-year-old son.

Honestly, my 3 little boys were more upset about the outcome than my 12-year-old daughter. I think she's just more of a tween worried about middle school politics vs. national ones.

We also talked about how we and our extended family live in states that will be more likely to protect our rights (CA and MD) and are glad about that. So with the kids we tried to find small positives where we could. Like MD electing the state's first Black senator and Arizona adding abortion rights to its state constitution.

Regarding talking to kids about politics and values overall, we realized during this election cycle that we need to do more. I had my two older kids watch Obama's speech from the DNC because I felt like he expressed DH's and my political values very well.

[1confused1]

I am also on the West Coast, I was crying as the results were coming in late last night my 15 year old daughter was trying to comfort me.

My son is making his college decision soon, we will now take into what state he is looking at very closely.

[imimahoney]

I have a 12 year old boy who games and enjoys video game videos on youtube- ie the perfect target for the radicalization MAGA content creators.

After I told him this mornibg he made some joke about Trump and was impersonating him. I stopped him cold and said Trump is not funny, he is not someone to impersonate... he and his politics are evil and should be treated as such.

I realize that was probably a harsh way to react to my son but I feel like part of the reason why we are in this mess is because no matter what, young men have this warped view of Trump.

I am not interested in my son becoming one of those maga followers and I will do everything in power to ensure that does not happen.

[livinitup]

I wish I could pull it together to write something coherent or supportive about parenting and politics. I can’t. At least not today. I’ll try to come back to this post when I get some distance and perspective from our Harris loss. Thank you for those who have written posts. It helps me.

The worst thing is that DD is so much more cynical than me. I grew up thinking the world was getting bigger and more inclusive with ever more opportunities if you work hard & blah, blah. White supremacy was getting smaller and less relevant. The Kamala Harris win was going to prove all of that right. Finally.

I don’t think my DD is surprised at all. She’s 16. She’s a hard worker and super liberal but she sees the world meaner. And it’s really hard to parent when the world won’t stop rewarding rich, racist assholes who lie all the time.

[stuffandthings]

One thing I think is important as a parent is to not necessarily isolate my kids from the gross MAGA stuff--I'm trying really hard to teach them to recognize the logical and moral bankruptcy inherent in it. For awhile I tried to turn off the Trump ads when my kid was in the room, but then I realized that they're seeing and hearing that bigoted garbage everywhere--on billboards, on YouTube, even probably from a classmate or two. So instead, I've been trying to get them to ask questions like: "Is this true?" "Who is paying for this ad/saying this thing?" "Why might the people paying for this ad/saying this thing want you to think this?" "What are some ways we could find out whether this is true?" "What are some pieces of the puzzle that are missing from this ad/perspective?" We can't protect them from all media forever, but we can teach them to logically rebut and disassemble it. Media illiteracy is one of the reasons we're in this mess--people across the country have a hard time figuring out what's actually true, and if you're a low-information voter then you tend to take things at face value.

I was proud the other day when my 8-year-old said, in response to a commercial on during a football game: "Oh, that ad is from Senate Leadership Fund. They're just a group of Republicans and they're trying to scare people into giving them the Senate. We can ignore that." When I was 8, I couldn't have told you who my Senator was, let alone who was funding their Super PAC.

[rachers]

DD asked me at pickup why I seemed down and then immediately asked “Did Kamala not win?” Cue lots of tears.

When we got home she ran for a piece of construction paper and a marker and wrote “trump” and then said “this is how I feel” as she tore the paper to shreds.

Might have to keep the shreds as a memento.

[taratru]

I really believed I was doing the right thing teaching my daughters they could do more and be more than anything I could have dreamed. I feel like I should've known I was lying.

My 14 year old said this is like "that guy who wins class president because he promised pizza, while the girl who does all the actual work loses." I had to tell her that sometimes the bad guys win, and I don't know what to do about it.

[ajj]

I’m sure no one will remember me but I’m back here after years of being away. Just needed to vent with some familiar “faces” to me that I know have similar concerns. So, hi to everyone.

While I was gone I had another baby (at age 44) who is now 2. I’m so worried about his education. Like, unbelievably worried.

My now 15 year old son has been talking for years about moving to Australia. I think we are going to seriously start looking to how I can get him in college over there. If it’s at all possible.



ETA- ugh and yesterday morning when my SO was getting our 2 year old dressed I overheard him saying “you’re going to get to see our first woman president.” I’m in tears thinking about how wonderful of a man my SO is and just heartbroken.

[estrellita]

I just had SUCH a good talk with my 9 year old son (and 6 year old daughter after she came in looking for me lol). We've talked about things here and there but this time he surprised me by saying he'll be happy when these next 4 years are over. Then he asked me what abortion was. I swear I've explained it but I sat down and explained it more clearly, about Roe v Wade and that it had been repealed, and what has happened because of it and could happen if a national ban does happen. This led to other questions and topics like climate change, same sex marriage, taxes, slavery (which was random, lol), all sorts of things. Kids are also being mean about my kids choosing Harris in their mock elections apparently. I told them it was brave they voted differently than others and that while they can vote however they want when they're older, I want them to understand why I vote the way I do. Seeing them sad really reminded me of its effect on them. But overall, it felt so nice to talk to them about it and know they're actually listening. I just hope things don't get too bad for them to inherit as adults because they deserve so much better ❤

[sonrisa]

My biggest parenting fear? Targeting my kid will be his second term Muslim ban. He made that central to his campaign and we know he’ll come out of the gate swinging at something.