Dealing with MAGA family members

[sju]

MIL is conservative, not confirmed MAGA, but openly hates democratic politicians.

SIL lives across the country so H is now in the position of having to determine what to do for Thanksgiving. My brother is hosting, and I know he would make her feel welcome because he is an amazing human and the dynamic has always been respectful and positive between her and my family.

However, I have gotten more hurt with every election so I am not going to ask for her to come. H mentioned cooking something here on Wed. and having her drive. If told this to my very democratic Puerto Rican mother, she would likely be pissed at ME. If I am wrong, I accept it but we have been dealing with this for way too long.  

[gault]

I disowned them all during covid. Very rarely do I interact with any Maga or anti vaxxers in my family with the exceptions of my sil's parents, who I see probably once a year. I have some hard lines regarding this.

[pinkdutchtulips]

I have my sister hidden on FB for the moment and refuse to discuss politics with her. She voted for DT and is all giddy about the RFK Jr. nomination to head up HHS. 

The silver lining is that we are NOT close. We have a very health 2k miles between us and we do not text regularly. My other sister isn't speaking to her either. Again, thank goodness to 2k miles away. 

[mofongo]

Nov 14, 2024 20:56:22 GMT -5 sju said:

MIL is conservative, not confirmed MAGA, but openly hates democratic politicians. She lives alone in The Villages so you get the idea of the environment she is in.

SIL lives across the country so H is now in the position of having to determine what to do for Thanksgiving. My brother is hosting, and I know he would make her feel welcome because he is an amazing human and the dynamic has always been respectful and positive between her and my family.

However, I have gotten more hurt with every election so I am not going to ask for her to come. H mentioned cooking something here on Wed. and having her drive. I am not willingly setting foot in the Villages for the foreseeable future. If told this to my very democratic Puerto Rican mother, she would likely be pissed at ME. If I am wrong, I accept it but we have been dealing with this for way too long.

I was in PR for Election Day, it was an interesting day!!!

[sju]

mofongo, Oh I bet it was! Witnessing two dumpster fires, has been depressing.

[somersault72]

If being around someone causes you sadness or anger I would not force yourself to be around them. I don't care who they are.

Aside from my mother and my one uncle my entire extended family are MAGATs (well, I think my dad just didn't know for anyone for president--that's another story). Most are just ignorant, but not ignorant enough to talk politics with me.

I did just see my family last weekend. I was dreading it initially but we had a nice time. It's incredibly unpopular on this board to not cut out anyone in your family that voted for Trump. I personally am not going to do that (I'd have essentially no family aside from my mom), and if that makes me a bad person here I just have to live with that.

I was so, so angry last week. The anger was starting to consume me, so I had to take a step back. I'm still angry (and sad) but it's not taking over my life. I feel like it's more of a productive anger as in "This is terrible but I'm not going to give up. There's still work to be done."

I'm sorry guys. This just fucking sucks. I know some of you are worried about yourselves and your babies and I'm holding you in my heart.

[jeaniebueller]

Nov 16, 2024 9:58:59 GMT -5 somersault72 said:

If being around someone causes you sadness or anger I would not force yourself to be around them. I don't care who they are.

Aside from my mother and my one uncle my entire extended family are MAGATs (well, I think my dad just didn't know for anyone for president--that's another story). Most are just ignorant, but not ignorant enough to talk politics with me.

I did just see my family last weekend. I was dreading it initially but we had a nice time. It's incredibly unpopular on this board to not cut out anyone in your family that voted for Trump. I personally am not going to do that (I'd have essentially no family aside from my mom), and if that makes me a bad person here I just have to live with that.

I was so, so angry last week. The anger was starting to consume me, so I had to take a step back. I'm still angry (and sad) but it's not taking over my life. I feel like it's more of a productive anger as in "This is terrible but I'm not going to give up. There's still work to be done."

I'm sorry guys. This just fucking sucks. I know some of you are worried about yourselves and your babies and I'm holding you in my heart.

it doesn't make you a bad person at all, if you can maintain a relationship with them that is apolitical, and you are happy with it, its fine. In your case, cutting them out would not do anything, to be honest. i have not cut off my MAGA family and acquaintances. I live in a red area and its impossible for me to cut MAGAs out of my life and frankly we don't sit around talking politics. I have relatives who are looney but I see them 1x per year, so avoiding an entire family event that includes other people that i do not want to cut out, would not make sense. After 2016, i started to look at it as 'trump has taken a lot from this country, he's not going to take my family from me too.' ( which I am sure is unpopular).

[beerlover]

jeaniebueller, I'm basically the same. I'm in a red rural area. My BFF's that I surround myself with are all liberal, but H and I have tons of acquaintances and high school friends that are conservative and I'm not just going to stop speaking to all of those people when I see them occasionally at events in town or whatever. We just don't talk about politics. We also go boating on the lake here all summer and basically everyone out there is MAGA and we just don't discuss it. I also have a couple of super MAGA relatives that will be at Thanksgiving but I'm not isolating myself from all my awesome, progressive relatives just because those weirdos are there.

[basilosaurus]

Did you see Jessie Waters whining about how he's not been invited to family Thanksgving numerous times over what seemed like years? I think it was now this on John Oliver. Apparently his entire family are democrats, and they don't seem to like him at all. I thought of this thread.

I do understand people unable or unwilling to cut out distant family you only very rarely see or that casual acquaintances are unavoidable in some regions.

My dad is my only family member, and he's not magat but is one of those who only votes republican (though he claims he's voted dem at least locally). I've been unable to on rare occasion hold in my comments, but he is the one shutting that down. Rightfully, honestly. We just don't talk politics anymore. He's 15,000 or something like that miles away, I've never been to his home he moved to over a decade ago because I am no contact with his wife. So, on my monthly-ish phone calls, there's plenty other stuff to cover.

We used to be able to respectfully talk politics when I was high school, college, mid 20s, despite never agreeing. I like the pp phrasing it as yet something else trump has taken from us.

[cuadrado]

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. It has made me feel less alone and my anger and frustration about this has been all I can think about since the election.

[cville]

I disinvited my uncle to Thanksgiving. He hates Trump, but he loves Fox News. He didn't vote at all in 2020, but won't say if or how he voted this year. Lack of declared rejection = support in my book.

Fine. You're not welcome. You're the last potential 45 voter standing in the family who I still talk to. I still have my Democrat parents and brother/SIL. And technically my ILs too, although we don't hang for non-political reasons.

I thought my mom (his sister) would be upset about the disinvite. But she's very play stupid games win stupid prizes about it. She'd still have invited him if she was hosting, probably, and that would've made it more painful for me to say thanks but no thanks. But I am. So, bye Felicia.

[cville]

Also. I am lucky. All the people who I love the most agree with me.

I tried to stay cordial/civil with some family MAGATs (unpopularly, here) in 2016/17. I hoped I could influence them. But I wasn't making much if any headway and then Kavanaugh's confirmation broke me.

[wawa]

Nov 18, 2024 16:27:29 GMT -5 beerlover said:

jeaniebueller , I'm basically the same. I'm in a red rural area. My BFF's that I surround myself with are all liberal, but H and I have tons of acquaintances and high school friends that are conservative and I'm not just going to stop speaking to all of those people when I see them occasionally at events in town or whatever. We just don't talk about politics. We also go boating on the lake here all summer and basically everyone out there is MAGA and we just don't discuss it. I also have a couple of super MAGA relatives that will be at Thanksgiving but I'm not isolating myself from all my awesome, progressive relatives just because those weirdos are there 

What is it with boat people? Even in Blue Maryland that's true. I fly rainbow pride flags on my boat all summer (this started a few years ago when we were flying them during pride month and decided to just keep it going) and it's great because that way the people who I don't want to talk to ALSO don't want to talk to me. Mutual avoidance! 

The line I draw personally is that I refuse to be mistaken for a "safe space" for people to spew hate. As long as everybody understands that you aren't going to talk about "the illegals" or "those people" or [insert casually offensive shit here] in front of me without it turning into a whole ordeal for you then sure, we can get along casually as acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, second tier family I don't like much and never invite to my house but will tolerate at Grandma's party for grandma's sake. But I'm not going to be the one to bite my tongue while shitty people say shitty things. If you make me uncomfortable because you need to say dumb shit out loud, then you're getting push back and we can all be uncomfortable together. If you can keep it to your damned self, then we can "agree to disagree" (ew) for the sake of an arms length interaction as needed.

[Michelle]

MAGA family and family friends don't get regular access to my family. They know why. Their loss.

[beerlover]

wawa, I don't get the boating to MAGA pipeline either. But so many people on our lake (now it's in Central PA, to be fair) have Trump flags on their boats.

[vamoose]

My MAGA family have been out of our lives for awhile not due to DT, but due to their outspoken related opinions and ways of living that are not acceptable to me (speaking poorly about the lgbt community, having guns stored unsafely, etc).

I have had to put a full politics talking ban on my very enraged and outspoken Trump loathing family. They have been very heated and yelling and crying about what horrible things are going to happen because of Trump being president and it was seriously scaring my kids. I’m happy to have family discussions and talks about our worries and what we can do, but they are not at that stage yet.

[muffin0]

Honestly not well.

My parents voted for him 2016. I had a tiny tiny speck of hope they did not this time around.

It was confirmed they both voted for him today, when my mom asked why I keep dropping F bombs in the family group chat.

I was like “ma’am 98% of them voted for a racist, rapist, felon. I’m sorry if they are offended by the word fuck”

[mrsukyankee]

muffin0, liking for your point blank response, not the rest.

[babsbunny]

All immediate families supported Harris, so I am good, but I haven't figured out any future extended family gatherings (DH and I don't live near anyone).

I do hope to separate politics from values and then judge whether I can be around someone. Wanting small government, less taxes, less regulations, "clearing the swamp", and profits for corporations and the rich is politics and maybe an area where I can agree to disagree and not talk about it. Racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and other stupidity (incompatible values) is where I draw the line. And since I am a conflict avoider, that means reduced or elimated contact. If the person has the same values of me but voted R for a what they thought were political reasons (I think they are brainwashed), then I might not cut them out.

Only time will tell. I'm sorry all.