Help me craft a response @@ book restrictions

[mcppalmbeach]

Nov 21, 2024 11:27:57 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Nov 21, 2024 11:23:03 GMT -5 waverly said:

Well they can also tell the school to not allow their kid to Check out school library books.

The thing is that an entire policy for all students doesn’t have to be made to accommodate 1 student.

Yes, the national PTA statement specifically says "affirm the importance of giving young people access to books and not allowing individual parents to decide what books are available to other people's children" 

I would say “The National PTA organization has put out an official position against any restriction or banning of books so it is outside the scope of our local chapter to discuss that at our meeting. If you have any questions about their position or why it’s outside the scope of our chapter then you can call the PTA’s Department of Government Affairs at [e-mail].”

[mcppalmbeach]

Nov 21, 2024 11:44:52 GMT -5 waverly said:

They are welcome to take it the school board or superintendent. I still maintain it isn’t a PTA issue.

Totally not. But they just want a forum of parents I’m assuming since their earlier conversation with the prinicpal didn’t go anywhere.

[waverly]

Nov 21, 2024 11:51:18 GMT -5 mcppalmbeach said:

Nov 21, 2024 11:44:52 GMT -5 waverly said:

They are welcome to take it the school board or superintendent. I still maintain it isn’t a PTA issue.

Totally not. But they just want a forum of parents I’m assuming since their earlier conversation with the prinicpal didn’t go anywhere.

I know what they want but that doesn’t mean that OP has to accommodate them.

They are welcome to host their own meetings of parents. They are acting like there are no other options, but there are. They just don’t want to do the work.

[vamoose]

I’m now imagining a restricted content section in the library like the “adult” section in the back of a video store.

This sounds like the pains of a transitional age when kids start to go off into the world more and get coaching from adults but less constant supervision and control.

At our PTA meetings, this parent would be allowed to bring this up for discussion. The parent would talk and voice their concerns, then the president would likely refer to the national PTA policy and parents could chime in with their thoughts. You really don’t want to make this “I don’t like your opinion, so we aren’t doing it.” And if you disallow this discussion at a meeting, then you would want to be sure that you apply whatever bar you are setting here fairly across all topics.

[tiki]

I really hope that amid all this, the parents had a conversation with their kid to find out what interested him about the book and what thoughts/questions he had after reading it.

[shauni27]

I agree with everyone else, but also...

she was the one at the meeting pushing for this but her husband is the one texting you? It feels like she is trying to escalate by having her husband now reach out.

[karinothing]

Nov 21, 2024 12:49:39 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

I agree with everyone else, but also...

she was the one at the meeting pushing for this but her husband is the one texting you? It feels like she is trying to escalate by having her husband now reach out.

I think that its the opposite? She initially told me that her husband had an agenda item about the library he wanted her to bring up. 

[karinothing]

Nov 21, 2024 12:36:56 GMT -5 vamoose said:

I’m now imagining a restricted content section in the library like the “adult” section in the back of a video store.

This sounds like the pains of a transitional age when kids start to go off into the world more and get coaching from adults but less constant supervision and control.

At our PTA meetings, this parent would be allowed to bring this up for discussion. The parent would talk and voice their concerns, then the president would likely refer to the national PTA policy and parents could chime in with their thoughts. You really don’t want to make this “I don’t like your opinion, so we aren’t doing it.” And if you disallow this discussion at a meeting, then you would want to be sure that you apply whatever bar you are setting here fairly across all topics.

Right, this is my concern. I think I am going to tell him I won't add it as an official agenda item, but I can't prevent him from bringing it up at the meeting. 

[karinothing]

Thank you everyone. I wrote up something that was sort of a mash up of what everyone said here. We shall see what he says

[livinitup]

I really hate this for you.

[karinothing]

Nov 21, 2024 14:15:51 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I really hate this for you.

Thanks The one good thing is we don't have another PTA meeting until after the first of the year, so hopefully things will fade away by then. WE do have a school chat so I do wonder if he will bring it up there, but i think he would be eaten alive if he did. 

[beerlover]

I hate that this douchebag is wasting your time and energy on this. What a loser.

ETA I know that sounds mean. I would just be so frustrated that he hasn't just taken your original no for an answer and let this go.

[terpsfan]

You need a treasurer succession plan

[thejen626]

Just a suggestion…

We had a similar issue a few years ago.

A gay dad got elected to PTA President. A churchy bigot dad was LIVID and tried to organize to basically overthrow the board. He also wanted to ban a few lgbt books that were in the library (one I remember was about two male penguins raising a baby together). Anyway.

All of the 6-7 local elementary school PTA/PTO’s got together and raised a shit ton of money to buy a “diversity and inclusion library” for that school, THEN we each raised the same amount for ALL of the local schools.

It backfired for the bigot dad, he pulled his kids from the public school and enrolled them in some Christian school. And now each school had a fabulous list of diverse and inclusive age appropriate books added to their school library!

Just an idea, if the dad keeps bugging you. Delegate out to another parent to spread the word and organize.

[heygrey]

Nov 21, 2024 14:29:11 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Nov 21, 2024 14:15:51 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I really hate this for you.

Thanks The one good thing is we don't have another PTA meeting until after the first of the year, so hopefully things will fade away by then. WE do have a school chat so I do wonder if he will bring it up there, but i think he would be eaten alive if he did. 

Then let's hope he brings it up. He needs an audience of other parents to shut him down, not just people in positions of authority. 

[karinothing]

Nov 21, 2024 23:29:10 GMT -5 terpsfan said:

You need a treasurer succession plan

Yes, this is my biggest concern, and I don't even know where to start. Middle school is a lot harder to recruit people than ES. But I have been thinking about it. 

[shauni27]

I thought of this thread last night when my 7-year-old came home from school very proud to tell me the book he picked at library was "I survived the nazi invasion." lol.

[karinothing]

So the text I sent yesterday said



1) I am not adding it to the official PTA agenda, but I can't prevent him from speaking.

2) I cited the National PTA resolution ensuring open access to media and not allowing parents to decide what books are available for other people's children.

3) Stating what our school policy is and noting that there is no evidence the library is not following the policy

4) telling him he is welcome to continue working with the school or go to the school board



He just responded that he will stop by this weekend to talk

Realistically I probably just need to talk to him because it is near impossible to just avoid him (I mean we see each other every day) and his wife is on the executive board. But this sucks. Middle school is supposed to be the easy PTA! 

[scm1011]

OMG, karinothing. Your response was perfect and requires zero follow-up. I'm so annoyed for you.

[macmars45]

I am irate on your behalf karinothing. 

And also so thankful my parents never restricted what I could read. I was reading above my grade level so I was definitely reading books beyond my maturity. My mom just read along with me to get an idea of what the book was about in case I had questions.

[konapoppy]

You did great. I would just hear him out - you do have a personal relationship with him. Then redirect to the school board meetings.

[erbear]

Nov 22, 2024 10:00:21 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

You did great. I would just hear him out - you do have a personal relationship with him. Then redirect to the school board meetings.

I think I agree. I'm annoyed on your behalf, but I think he might just want to be heard. Hear him out, say thanks for letting me know, reiterate your original plan, and move on.

[cville]

Send him this and then the mic drop emoji.

[bimbi284]

I understand why you’d still allow him to talk about it, and I also think that him being your neighbor or whatever doesn’t give him a free pass to your time or emotional labor. You responded to his message. Asked and answered.

What could he possibly say that would be different from what has already been said, especially given that nothing he will say will change your response or the outcome for him?

[jlt19]

He’s going to try to mansplain his way onto that agenda.

[karinothing]

Nov 22, 2024 19:53:57 GMT -5 bimbi284 said:

I understand why you’d still allow him to talk about it, and I also think that him being your neighbor or whatever doesn’t give him a free pass to your time or emotional labor. You responded to his message. Asked and answered.

What could he possibly say that would be different from what has already been said, especially given that nothing he will say will change your response or the outcome for him?

Yeah I agree with that. I just feel like he won't let it go so I should just talk I guess. I assume he thinks that I don't really understand where he is coming from or something.

[livinitup]

This neighbor friend, this husband of the board treasurer is being an absolute AH about hearing the word no. I get that he advanced his child into a grade that is in a building above his father’s comfort level for access to reading material. That is not a PTA matter or issue to resolve. But he is absolutely using his wife’s hard work/time/dedication to a volunteer organization that has taken a very clear stand in the topic he asked about. Not liking the answer is not cart blanche to chew your ear off.

It has been made clear to him that the PTA is not the venue to air his grievance that his young-for-his-grade son had access to a book that he didn’t like having access to. It does not give him license to complain about it to his neighbor, just because his neighbor and friend is the PTA president. It doesn’t. DOES HE EVEN GO TO PTA MEETINGS? Probably not, but it sure doesn’t seem to stop him form using the organization that he mostly ignores to put forward a personal grievance specific to a very unique situation to a tiny sub-set of students (a sub-set that many be as little as one student).

What an absolute jerk.

[terpsfan]

Nov 22, 2024 6:20:20 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Nov 21, 2024 23:29:10 GMT -5 terpsfan said:

You need a treasurer succession plan

Yes, this is my biggest concern, and I don't even know where to start. Middle school is a lot harder to recruit people than ES. But I have been thinking about it. 

I’ve been in your shoes (well not exactly this situation but prez of MS PTA so I get the sudden dropoff of help). Is there anyone in your network of volunteers you can work on to take the current one’s place in the likely event she will part ways? Someone that you can convince that you’ll work with directly to help learn,etc. I think people are so scared they’ll mess something up or don’t know enough. Most of us are PTAing making it up as we go along!

Don’t let this lady tank your PTA!

[tacokick]

Nov 22, 2024 6:20:20 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Nov 21, 2024 23:29:10 GMT -5 terpsfan said:

You need a treasurer succession plan

Yes, this is my biggest concern, and I don't even know where to start. Middle school is a lot harder to recruit people than ES. But I have been thinking about it. 

Maybe some book loving person would step up if they knew that’s why the treasurer resigned? If they resign.

It’s already almost December so not as much of a commitment as starting in the beginning of the year and you can worry about next year later. I’d be way more likely to step up in this circumstance than in general tbh and I’d think others might be too