Re: procreating. Anyone else feel like this?

[kellbell191]

We're in the same boat, so I'm interested in the responses.

[hubes]

Definitely wait. I don't know that we were quite ready before we had T. We came off of our wedding/new life high and decided we needed a baby. I'd be lying if I said I would do it the exact same way again.

You have PLENTY of time left, and your kids will benefit from you waiting.

[janegold]

Same age, same situation except I feel ready to start trying sooner than later and H doesn't. I still feel like we have time but on the other hand, I worry that I am just assuming we won't have trouble getting pregnant when we are ready.

[jaylea]

You'll know when you're ready. One day it won't seem like such a crazy idea.

Then expect to completely panic when you see two lines on a test. lol.

[amberlyrose]

I know what you mean, but I'm in my mid 20s. I feel like I'll be ready in 3 years, but what if I'm not? How far do I keep pushing it back until I can't anymore. There are so many things I want to do before we procreate and it feels like the first 4 years flew by.

[annyong]

We're in the same place, too. Both almost thirty, keep putting it off because we're not quite ready, but when will we be ready? Ahhhh.

[kellbell191]

I think if we had a kid right now we would have lots of regrets and what ifs? I want to make sure we've had a good crack at being set financially, having some experiences, and sleeping before we throw a kid into the mix. I wonder if we'll have trouble TTC but I also don't want to rush something we aren't ready for because that is some kind of possibility.

[luckyval]

Oct 1, 2012 12:34:49 GMT -5 jaylea said:

You'll know when you're ready. One day it won't seem like such a crazy idea.

Then expect to completely panic when you see two lines on a test. lol.

I agree with jaylea.

We were really sure about the decision and, even so, both of us had our own separate mini meltdowns when reality hit.

Even if it's feeling like a more tangible idea now, don't feel like you have to because 30 is looming and your friends are already there. I might make a short list of things to do before you jump into TTC

[jenn1298]

I am in the same situation. I am 29 and H and I started trying to conceive and in July 2011 and we felt ready emotionally and financially at the time. I got pregnant and then miscarried in January 2012 and had a required 6 month wait before TTC again. We started TTC a few cycles ago, but then stopped this cycle because we didn't really feel emotionally ready anymore. H just changed jobs and I am in the process of changing jobs, so I think part of it for us is that we aren't settled at the moment.

I have never been baby crazy and when we started TTC last year it was actually H that initially brought it up. We are going to wait around 4 months (mainly so that I will have FMLA at the new job) and then re-evaluate. We may feel ready again after our lives settle back down, or we may wait a couple more years. We also decided that we only want one baby, so that made me feel better about waiting a little longer.

[revolution]

Don't start trying until you know you are ready. At least emotionally ready.

Late 20's - you have some time.

[KKD]

We're a little different, in that I would have started trying as soon as we were married, but H was able to be more pragmatic about it and insist that we wait. We made a list of goals which included earning a certain salary and saving a certain amount of money and running a marathon and I forget what else now. We ended up starting to TTC about a year and a half after we were married and had DD1 shortly after our third anniversary.

I think the fact that you're surrounded by friends who are having kids, coupled with the fact that you've been married quite a few years, definitely adds to the pressure to start trying even if you may not be ready.

It may help to make a list of goals of things you'd like to do before having kids. Achieving a specific financial goal, traveling, or just getting your house organized. It may help you get out of the "someday" mindset and into a more definite time frame while also eliminating the compulsion to start RIGHT NOW.

[berbles]

Crackhabit, I could have written this post. I'm 29 and H is 31. If I left it up to him completely, he would probably put TTC off for at least 5 more years. But he says he wants 3 kids.

Basically, we decided to start TTC when the idea of babies didn't completely horrify us anymore. Having a nephew helped me a ton; being able to see how awesome it can be watching them grow and learn and become their own little humans.

I'm glad that I pushed a little bit and we started TTC in January because we just found out in the last month that I have severe endo and we may need IVF to get pregnant. I don't feel completely devastated right now, but I am sure that if I had waited a few more years before getting the diagnosis, I would be a lot more upset because my options would be more limited. For now, I'm looking at endo surgery to see if we can get pg on our own. We have time. You have time.

[julez]

Oct 1, 2012 12:33:51 GMT -5 hubes said:

Definitely wait. I don't know that we were quite ready before we had T. We came off of our wedding/new life high and decided we needed a baby. I'd be lying if I said I would do it the exact same way again.

You have PLENTY of time left, and your kids will benefit from you waiting.

Hoobs is a smart cookie.

I was 31 when DD was born, and I would also be lying if I said I'd do it the same way again. I don't think that I really had any idea what we were in for, especially a year after we were married.

I love DD to the ends of the earth, but it is obviously a huge life change. You've got PLENTY of time. PLENTY. Wait until you have that "hmmm, we could probably do this..." feeling that Tamb is talking about.

[dochas]

Oct 1, 2012 12:41:04 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

I think if we had a kid right now we would have lots of regrets and what ifs? I want to make sure we've had a good crack at being set financially, having some experiences, and sleeping before we throw a kid into the mix. I wonder if we'll have trouble TTC but I also don't want to rush something we aren't ready for because that is some kind of possibility.

I have a 2 year old. I can't imagine how hard this would be if I had a whole bunch of regrets and things I had wanted to do, but didn't. Wait. Live it up. Travel. Drink too much. Have sex at all hours of the day and night. Your life doesn't end when you have children but it does change dramatically if you do it right. And you may be able to travel and go out after you have a child but it is not remotely the same thing as doing it without a kid.

[dochas]

Oct 1, 2012 13:14:42 GMT -5 berbles said:

Crackhabit, I could have written this post. I'm 29 and H is 31. If I left it up to him completely, he would probably put TTC off for at least 5 more years. But he says he wants 3 kids.

Basically, we decided to start TTC when the idea of babies didn't completely horrify us anymore. Having a nephew helped me a ton; being able to see how awesome it can be watching them grow and learn and become their own little humans.

I'm glad that I pushed a little bit and we started TTC in January because we just found out in the last month that I have severe endo and we may need IVF to get pregnant. I don't feel completely devastated right now, but I am sure that if I had waited a few more years before getting the diagnosis, I would be a lot more upset because my options would be more limited. For now, I'm looking at endo surgery to see if we can get pg on our own. We have time. You have time.

I had it pretty bad and had a lap when I was 39. We probably would have been okay on our own, but did IUI to save time. Got pregnant the first time and everything went smoothly. I hope it all goes okay for you!!

[berbles]

Thanks, Dochas!! I'm meeting the endo surgeon this Thurs. He's one of the best in the country, so I am hopeful.

[Deleted]

I've been so sure about wanting kids for as long as I can remember. We got pregnant a little less than a year after we were married, and despite both of us being financially/emotionally prepared, the actual having of the kid still turned our worlds upside down. PPD, getting used to not having much "me" time, not having much "couple" time, the whole no-sleep thing...

It may not be the same for everyone, but it's been harder than I thought it would be (and more rewarding at the same time)--I'm really glad I wanted this so badly; I'd hate to think how I would feel now if I wasn't even 100% when we tried.

I don't know how much sense that made...basically I'm seconding everyone's advice to be at least emotionally ready.

[underwaterrhymes]

I didn't meet H until I was 30. We've been married almost four years (I'm 37 now) and we definitely weren't sure we were emotionally ready for a baby. We kept going back and forth and had decided to wait a bit longer. Although I'm so happy I met H when I did, I sometimes wish I'd met him sooner so we had more time to decide whether or not we wanted kids.

But, here we are anyway! (ETA - we were charting and I must have been wrong about when I ovulated because our TTA turned into several positive pregnancy tests.) After our initial shock and my brief "holyfuck I am not ready for this" we got excited. (Still scared. But excited!)

[PinkSquirrel]

I've been saying in 3 years for about 6 years now, probably closer to 7. I'm 29 and my H is 30. The way we see it is that we still have time and our current plan is to start trying next summer, we'll see how that goes

[Deleted]

Neither of us are ready - financially or emotionally. We're still young. But I could see myself putting this off indefinitely.

This is us. I'm more emotionally ready then H is. I have been feeling lately that I'm "missing something" in my life. I've taken up new hobbies, I've explored new things, brushed up on some of the stuff I'm interested in (drug life and gang life..from a Conflict theorist's perspective). I feel like I've grown more as a person in the last few months than I have in my entire life.

I still feel like something is missing and I think that something is a baby. I'm young, but I don't want to be like my mom, near 60 with a college graduate/child still in college. I don't want to wait until I'm 33 to have a child.

My SIL named H and I god parents for my nephew. Since then, I knew I wanted a child, I just tried to push those feelings back. I didn't want one. Never. Nope. I knew deep down I did. When my SIL gave birth, she handed me my nephew (well..because she had to puke) and I got to hold him when he was only 30 minutes old. I want that. I want to hold my own newborn to hold.

I don't know when we'll start TTC. I don't know when H will be ready. I want to get off BCP and start TTC now but I know we won't.

I did have a dream the other night we gave my parents and MIL a Christmas card with an ultrasound in it though.

[Marle]

Wait as long as you need to. I had my kid at 33. Planned, had been ready for years, painfully wanting him and I still wanted a return the first couple of weeks

You'll never be truly ready but you can easily wait a few more years.

[kellbell191]

Oct 1, 2012 12:44:51 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Oct 1, 2012 12:41:04 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

I think if we had a kid right now we would have lots of regrets and what ifs? I want to make sure we've had a good crack at being set financially, having some experiences, and sleeping before we throw a kid into the mix.

There were a lot of things I'd ideally wanted to do before getting pg, but there came a time when I had to admit to myself those things were not likely to happen before I reached Advanced Maternal Age (said in an ominous voice, lol).

Anyway.. we still have debt and we haven't had that Mediterranean vacation, but so far, I don't regret going ahead with the childbearing.

I am a bit older than you though, right?

We are both 27. We each have a little further to go in terms of getting established career wise before we feel comfortable bringing kids into the situation. DH is still deciding if he wants to go to grad school. I love my job so also want DH to be in the position of having a job he loves, or having a chance to pursue a job he loves before we have kids. We both know that a child would trump a job and neither of us feels comfortable compromising in that way yet.

Obviously I know our priorities may shift as we get older. DH has already made a lot of career sacrifices for me to pursue mine, I want to make sure he has a chance to sort out what he wants in a career before we have kids.

[ohiowan]

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to conceive or carry to term. I also thought it woukd take us at least a year before we'd be successful. So we started trying last summer, but we got lucky right away. H still wasn't emotionally ready. That changed quickly when he could feel the little one kick. Everything just fell together and when it was real, we were ready. We don't have as much time to ourselves anymore, but so far at this age, not much has changed. I know it's coming though.

Using phone on bus, sorry for any typos.

[Deleted]

ohio, those are my fears too.

[ohiowan]

Oct 1, 2012 16:52:53 GMT -5 skippingstones said:

ohio, those are my fears too.

({) (}) my mom couldn't have kids (adopted) so that was always a fear of mine and I had the leep procedure a year prior. Carried til my due date, water broke and all, no intervention.

[Deleted]

Oct 1, 2012 17:02:15 GMT -5 ohiowan said:

Oct 1, 2012 16:52:53 GMT -5 skippingstones said:

ohio, those are my fears too.

my mom couldn't have kids (adopted) so that was always a fear of mine and I had the leep procedure a year prior. Carried til my due date, water broke and all, no intervention.

That's really effin awesome!! ({) (}) .

I have no reason to really worry. My mom carried two babies but had about 5 MCs so that's what worries me to death. I was a 10 monther. MIL carried 3 to term.

[ohiowan]

Oct 1, 2012 17:07:11 GMT -5 skippingstones said:

Oct 1, 2012 17:02:15 GMT -5 ohiowan said:

my mom couldn't have kids (adopted) so that was always a fear of mine and I had the leep procedure a year prior. Carried til my due date, water broke and all, no intervention.

That's really effin awesome!! .

I have no reason to really worry. My mom carried two babies but had about 5 MCs so that's what worries me to death. I was a 10 monther. MIL carried 3 to term.

Thanks :y:

Losing one would be hard enough, I can't even imagine five.

[TemperanceBrennan]

Oct 1, 2012 14:07:47 GMT -5 Que? said:

I waffled for a lot of reasons. We started ttc when I was 28, and we knew that financially, we were good. Emotionally, I just knew that by nature, I would always have reservations. I'm not sure it's possible to ever be truly ready or sure about every aspect of it. There are just too many uncertainties.

I feel like I should add my perspective, not to scare you but for the purpose of being honest about the realities of it. Don't take for granted that it's all in your hands. I didnt have G until I was 35. That was not in my ideal plan, and has prevented me from having another baby like I wanted to.

Thank you for posting this. This makes me feel better. My H and I are going to start TTC in the next couple of months. He's been wanting to try for quite awhile and I was the one who said we had to wait. Now, I am emotionally ready. I want a baby. But, the logical part of me keeps thinking of reasons that a baby wouldn't be a good idea. I kind of feel torn about it. Knowing that it's not really weird to have concerns is good. I guess I just have to take a deep breath and jump.

[Deleted]

Oct 1, 2012 17:10:27 GMT -5 ohiowan said:

Losing one would be hard enough, I can't even imagine five.

Yeah. She said that the first few, she didn't really notice then she met my dad and those hit her hard. Then she had my brother and I tortured her for a month extra.

[kaylie]

We're in the same boat, both 28. We thought we'd start trying this year but we really just don't feel like it yet. I'm still too selfish and I want to get some more travel in. I also want a few big ticket house projects done. H isn't in any rush, either. He wants to be higher up in his career so that I have the option of staying home if we decide to go that route.

I don't really feel rushed, though. Most of the people I know started in their early 30s and we're thinking we'll start between 31-33. I feel like I should be more in a rush and I know we're cutting it a little close if we wait until we're 33. Maybe I'll be more compelled in a year or two.