not new, but it's been swirling around my FB... =====================
The Trouble With Bright Girls For women, ability doesn’t always lead to confidence. Here’s why.
Published on January 27, 2011 by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D. in The Science of Success
Successful women know only too well that in any male-dominated profession, we often find ourselves at a distinct disadvantage. We are routinely underestimated, underutilized, and even underpaid. Studies show that women need to perform at extraordinarily high levels, just to appear moderately competent compared to our male coworkers.
But in my experience, smart and talented women rarely realize that one of the toughest hurdles they'll have to overcome to be successful lies within. We judge our own abilities not only more harshly, but fundamentally differently, than men do. Understanding why we do it is the first step to righting a terrible wrong. And to do that, we need to take a step back in time.
Chances are good that if you are a successful professional today, you were a pretty bright fifth grade girl. My graduate advisor, psychologist Carol Dweck (author of Mindset) conducted a series of studies in the 1980s, looking at how bright girls and boys in the fifth grade handled new, difficult and confusing material.
She found that bright girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up - and the higher the girls' IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel. In fact, the straight-A girls showed the most helpless responses. Bright boys, on the other hand, saw the difficult material as a challenge, and found it energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts, rather than giving up.
Why does this happen? What makes smart girls more vulnerable, and less confident, when they should be the most confident kids in the room? At the 5th grade level, girls routinely outperform boys in every subject, including math and science. So there were no differences between these boys and girls in ability, nor in past history of success. The only difference was how bright boys and girls interpreted difficulty - what it meant to them when material seemed hard to learn. Bright girls were much quicker to doubt their ability, to lose confidence, and to become less effective learners as a result.
Researchers have uncovered the reason for this difference in how difficulty is interpreted, and it is simply this: more often than not, bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice.
How do girls and boys develop these different views? Most likely, it has to do with the kinds of feedback we get from parents and teachers as young children. Girls, who develop self-control earlier and are better able to follow instructions, are often praised for their "goodness." When we do well in school, we are told that we are "so smart," "so clever, " or " such a good student." This kind of praise implies that traits like smartness, cleverness, and goodness are qualities you either have or you don't.
Boys, on the other hand, are a handful. Just trying to get boys to sit still and pay attention is a real challenge for any parent or teacher. As a result, boys are given a lot more feedback that emphasizes effort (e.g., "If you would just pay attention you could learn this," "If you would just try a little harder you could get it right.") The net result: when learning something new is truly difficult, girls take it as sign that they aren't "good" and "smart", and boys take it as a sign to pay attention and try harder.
We continue to carry these beliefs, often unconsciously, around with us throughout our lives. And because bright girls are particularly likely to see their abilities as innate and unchangeable, they grow up to be women who are far too hard on themselves - women who will prematurely conclude that they don't have what it takes to succeed in a particular arena, and give up way too soon.
Even if every external disadvantage to a woman's rising to the top of an organization is removed - every inequality of opportunity, every chauvinistic stereotype, all the challenges we face balancing work and family - we would still have to deal with the fact that through our mistaken beliefs about our abilities, we may be our own worst enemy.
How often have you found yourself avoiding challenges and playing it safe, sticking to goals you knew would be easy for you to reach? Are there things you decided long ago that you could never be good at? Skills you believed you would never possess? If the list is a long one, you were probably one of the Bright Girls - and your belief that you are "stuck" being exactly as you are has done more to determine the course of your life than you probably ever imagined. Which would be fine, if your abilities were innate and unchangeable. Only they're not.
No matter the ability - whether it's intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm, or athleticism - studies show them to be profoundly malleable. When it comes to mastering any skill, your experience, effort, and persistence matter a lot. So if you were a Bright Girl, it's time to toss out your (mistaken) belief about how ability works, embrace the fact that you can always improve, and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge that you lost so long ago.
Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals is available wherever books are sold. Please follow me on Twitter @hghalvorson
This article really resonated with me. I have to keep reminding myself to remember these things when I talk to my girls and pay attention to the way that I praise them and help them when they are learning something new.
Wow. This hits home for me big time. This is totally me in the 5th grade, and I have really had to push myself to try harder and work harder as I'm finally finishing my 4-year degree at age 32. I'm really going to have to pay attention to how I phrase these kinds of things to my girls.
Wow. This is fascinating and really resonated with me as well. Starting this new job, I've been really hard on myself for feeling out of my depth, an not picking it up as quickly/easily as I feel like I should. That's all stemming from this narrative.
Effot and persistance matter --- that is news? really? Maybe my background was different, but I was taught you do not quit until you get it. I was in a track situation and we had 1/3 girls to 2/3 boys. The girls out scored the boys most of the time. Who ever said success was an easy track? Athletes will tell you that you get good at what you do over and over and over.
Momi, your sig pic is brilliant. I have read a lot of so called important authors, but never Carl Sagan - should I try a book? If so, which one? Sorry to hijack the thread lol
Momi, your sig pic is brilliant. I have read a lot of so called important authors, but never Carl Sagan - should I try a book? If so, which one? Sorry to hijack the thread lol
You would like the book that is quoted. The full title is The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark. Cosmos and Pale Blue Dot are also good. He had a PBS series called Cosmos as well.
Reeve, you haven't read SAgan? You would really like him. Definitely read some of his works.
No, school taught me reading was boring - it wasnt til after school that I really got interested in those things, so I picked everything I read haphazardly. Where should I start with Sagan?
Reeve, you haven't read SAgan? You would really like him. Definitely read some of his works.
No, school taught me reading was boring - it wasnt til after school that I really got interested in those things, so I picked everything I read haphazardly. Where should I start with Sagan?
Watch Cosmos on Netflix. It was done in the late 70's, but it's still cool.
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Oct 7, 2012 18:06:29 GMT -5
This resonated with me, too.
Growing up, I was also involved in lots of artsy things that required a lot of practice to get good, like band and choir. Then when I was in high school, I decided I wanted to learn how to play the trumpet. Piano and woodwinds came so easy to me (and yes, I practiced a lot) but I could barely get sound out of the trumpet after trying for about a week. I got frustrated and gave up after about a month when I could barely play three notes.
Post by megalicious on Oct 7, 2012 18:29:07 GMT -5
Really interesting read. I've heard parenting advice to praise your kids hard work rather than their "smarts". I never considered the gender difference.
Post by heliocentric on Oct 7, 2012 19:09:27 GMT -5
It's interesting to consider, but something doesn't sit right with me. The comparisons aren't the same. They are comparing the praise of girls who do well to the encouragement (can't think of a better word) of boys who are fidgety, etc. That's not exactly an equal comparison.
What do parents and teachers say to boys who do well (and don't need reminder to focus and/or sit still)? What do they say to girls who are struggling? I feel like there isn't enough information based on the examples. Still, I do think there is a difference. Boys seem to be more confident overall than girls. (Same applies to women and men.) I wonder why that is? Is it related to the praise/encouragement they received as kids or something else?
I get the idea of this, but based on my own son, I think it can apply to boys and girls. I've already seen that Warner, at age 3, doesn't like to do things that he is not instantly good at. And we do probably praise him "wrong"
For a kid his age, he remarkably focused and well-behaved (when he wants to be, lol)--all of his daycare teachers have remarked on how they normally don't have boys who want to sit and work puzzles or string beads. Other grownups (grandparents, aunts, uncles) often tell him that he smart and "so good!"
But when I work with him on writing his letters and he sees that his handwriting doesn't look like mine, or just like the letters do in the book, he wants to quit. He's the same way with sports and riding his bike.
eta: geez, I just re-read what I wrote and didn't mean to sound all braggy and ahole-ish. especially, in light of the 45 temper tantrum he threw tonight because I wanted him to try to go potty BEFORE bed tonight, rather than getting out of bed after he was supposed to be down for the night (his new favorite trick).
I feel like this was true for dh. His mom was in awe of his intelligence and raves about how smart he is / was. But he agrees that work ethic and persistence at anything that didn't come naturally is really pretty bad, and was horrible in school.
Post by EllieArroway on Oct 7, 2012 21:34:47 GMT -5
I don't necessarily know if it's really a girls vs. boys thing, but this was totally true for me. I was always at the top of my class, but if I came upon something that was difficult or that I didn't grasp right away I just avoided it. I never made it through an entire season of any sport for that reason. I've always been that person who quits when things get hard.
I hate to think of what it would have been like if school wasn't so easy for me. I still struggle with work ethic.
Post by cattledogkisses on Oct 7, 2012 21:45:42 GMT -5
I adore Sagan. I actually just reread The Demon Haunted World and remembered all over again how much I love it. I kept wondering what he would make of this country's current state of affairs.
I never saw it as a work ethic problem. I considered it time management. I did everything else in x amount of time, this is taking too long, move on. Nobody's going to die because they didn't understand every single thing they were taught.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Oct 8, 2012 0:13:00 GMT -5
This seems like the opposite of the people I knew in high school and college: lots of boys who figured there was no point in studying because they either had it or didn't, and lots of girls who seemed to think working hard was the key to success.
Though this is not the first place I've heard the claim about kids being praised for effort being more effective than being praised for intelligence. I don't remember where, but a couple years ago I read about a study in which half the children were given praise for effort and half were given praise for intelligence (in both cases, regardless of actual performance), and the ones praised for effort proceeded to do better on future assignments.