Anyone lost a parent?

[angieawesome]

So I started dating a guy about a month ago. We actually knew each other in college and came across each other on POF. He's really awesome and I really like him. He told me on our first date that his mom passed away unexpectedly six months ago. When he told me at first, he said he did not want to talk about it because it made him sad, so obviously I do not bring it up. He has a few times though, just telling me he's feeling sad or that he gets pretty depressed sometimes. He's brought up the holidays a few times and I know its going to really suck for him. I don't really know how to react when he talks about this because, well, I'm just getting to know him/not sure how he is/what he needs. I just told him this morning that I wish I knew the right thing to say. So my question, what IS the right thing to say?

[heavenly]

Maybe you don't need to say anything? It seems like he is asking for understanding when he is not at his bests on some day (like the holidays and such) and for you to just let it be knowing it is nothing personal with you.

[chrissie3416]

I don't know that there is a "right" thing to say. Sometimes people just need someone to listen and be understanding when things get tough. If anything, I 'd just let him know that you'll be there for him should he need to talk or need any other kind of support.

[Deleted]

Yes, I lost my mom 3 years ago. There is nothing to say, really. Most people want someone to empathize with them for a couple minutes at a time (especially if the loss is recent) and during key periods like the holidays... Just listen to what he has to say and like Heavenly said, know there's nothing personal with you. I know a guy friend who remained extremely quiet for 8 months after his dad passed away.

[bullygirl979]

Oct 11, 2012 13:29:35 GMT -5 chrissie3416 said:

I don't know that there is a "right" thing to say. Sometimes people just need someone to listen and be understanding when things get tough. If anything, I 'd just let him know that you'll be there for him should he need to talk or need any other kind of support.

This! There were days when I just wanted a hug, days that I wanted to talk and days when I wanted to be left alone. The only thing you can do is remind him that you are there for him and just ask that he communicate his needs to you.

[charitylynne79]

I dunno. I lost my dad 3 years ago. He was my biological dad and I hadn't seen him for over 20 years but it still didn't make it any less harder. There were time when I didn't want to talk about. And there were times that I wanted to talk but it was mainly on my terms. If you know what I mean. I don't and didn't like the pity from others, etc. But I am a very standoffish person and don't to feel all the farm fuzzy stuff from people that I dont know etc. SO that's my two cents.

[angieawesome]

Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts ladies. Very helpful! I just feel helpless in this situation

[Deleted]

I just lost my dad on Friday. I've actually apologized to the guy I started seeing like three weeks ago because he just came into my life during a rough time. People grieve differently. I don't want him to say anything although I think he knows what I'm going through since he also lost his dad. Just a hug and understanding that sometimes I get sad is enough.

[keylimepie]

Just be understanding if he is in a bad mood on the holidays or other important days. He may be teary, snippy, silent, or any number of emotions. These types of emotions may come and go during regular days for a while as well. You can feel out if he needs a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a chance to talk a little, a short reprieve from chore-type things (for example, you could make him a meal or clean the bathroom for him if he feels overwhelmed), or just some time to himself to relax. It takes time to grieve and adjust after losing a parent, but eventually the emotional swings and lows become less intense.

Basically, there's no "right" thing, and really nothing awesomely helpful that you can actually say. I'm sure you'll discover how he wants to deal with things. But I know how helpless it can feel. Hugs to both of you.

[audg]

There is nothing you can say...unfortunately. I lost my dad on May 1st this year and I'm still grieving, but talking about him helps me. Everyone grieves differently though. I read the book When Children Grieve, (because we were also dealing w divorce at the time and I needed help explaining all these changes to my son) and it helped me understand HOW people grive (not just children)..its a great book for adults too. I highly recommend it..if nothing else it helps you understand what NOT to say.

[audg]

Oct 11, 2012 16:59:38 GMT -5 @lemonlover33 said:

I just lost my dad on Friday. I've actually apologized to the guy I started seeing like three weeks ago because he just came into my life during a rough time. People grieve differently. I don't want him to say anything although I think he knows what I'm going through since he also lost his dad. Just a hug and understanding that sometimes I get sad is enough.

Im so sorry for your loss ({)

[Deleted]

Oct 11, 2012 17:43:33 GMT -5 audg said:

Oct 11, 2012 16:59:38 GMT -5 @lemonlover33 said:

I just lost my dad on Friday. I've actually apologized to the guy I started seeing like three weeks ago because he just came into my life during a rough time. People grieve differently. I don't want him to say anything although I think he knows what I'm going through since he also lost his dad. Just a hug and understanding that sometimes I get sad is enough.

Im so sorry for your loss

I'm sorry for yours as well. It's not a fun club to be in.

My sister actually made a dig at me saying "Well, at least he got to walk you down the aisle". Yeah, because that turned out so well...She just kept hinting and hinting that her and her boyfriend were getting married "very soon and hopefully we can all get back together under better circumstances.... like a wedding".... at the graveside service. Bitch, please....

[angieawesome]

I'm sorry lemon lover

[Deleted]

I agree with PPs that everyone grieves differently. So follow his lead, if he wants to talk, be there to listen. I lost my dad when I was only 5 years old. Sometimes I feel sad and quiet around his birthday or anniversary of his passing. In the past I've cried in front of a significant other, and a hug and kind words were very comforting.

[bullygirl979]

Oct 11, 2012 16:59:38 GMT -5 @lemonlover33 said:

I just lost my dad on Friday. I've actually apologized to the guy I started seeing like three weeks ago because he just came into my life during a rough time. People grieve differently. I don't want him to say anything although I think he knows what I'm going through since he also lost his dad. Just a hug and understanding that sometimes I get sad is enough.

Hugs, LL. I'm so sorry.