Child Support - is it even worth it?

[blackkitty]

I talked to a lawyer where I live today and she said to enfore or modify my custody/ child support I would need to get a lawyer either in the state where I got divorced (NY) or the state where he lives (PA). I live in MS.

What I would be filing for:
1. legally change our custody arrangement to reflect what it actually is (I have custody 10 months out of the year - he gets him for the summer, we verbally agreed to this. Our custody agreement states we have 50/50 custody)
2. attempt to get child support - but he has no job (has not had one for 3 years) and no money. His new wife supports him (she has no job either, no idea where her money comes from). The court can mandate that he get a job and pay support though. Our agreement does not allow for support but that was because we had 50/50 custody, now that it is 80/20 he should have to pay support.
3. attempt to get back owed money - around $2500 he owes me for half of my son's camp last year and half of his child care - this is outlined in the agreement.

The cost of lawyers in PA/NY are around $400 an hour and compared to the amount I will probably end of actually getting I'm pretty sure it's a waste of money.
Thoughts?

[achase123]

I feel like it's more the principal of the matter. He needs to support his child. I think in the end it will pencil out to be a good decision but I just think it's important that he be held accountable for his role in the financial obligation of having a child.

[callunafirefly]

I'm confused why it has to be in those other states. Without getting into a ton of details on my situation I can tell you that I've always filed for child support in the state of the child's residence. I've also done a modification...Divorce in DE, child support order in PA and then when I moved to VA filed a modification with VA child support.
I'm confused on why you can't just go through the child support office...its free.

[starryfish]

May 21, 2012 11:15:19 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

I'm confused why it has to be in those other states. Without getting into a ton of details on my situation I can tell you that I've always filed for child support in the state of the child's residence. I've also done a modification...Divorce in DE, child support order in PA and then when I moved to VA filed a modification with VA child support.
I'm confused on why you can't just go through the child support office...its free.

This. Start with your Child Support Office in your state and go from there.

[nextchapter]

I don't have a child, so maybe my opinion doesn't carry much weight, but I think it's worth it. Even if you don't get a dime out of him, I think it's extremely important to have a legal agreement that reflects the fact that you are raising your son alone.

[blackkitty]

May 21, 2012 11:15:19 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

I'm confused why it has to be in those other states. Without getting into a ton of details on my situation I can tell you that I've always filed for child support in the state of the child's residence. I've also done a modification...Divorce in DE, child support order in PA and then when I moved to VA filed a modification with VA child support.
I'm confused on why you can't just go through the child support office...its free.

I called a family lawyer that my sister used in the state that I live in and this is what she told me. She said it was because it was a modification of an agreement made in NY. I have placed a call to a lawyer in NY and am also trying to contact the child support enforcement in NY.

I will go ahead and call the MS child support office though too, maybe the attorney is mistaken?

[blackkitty]

May 21, 2012 11:23:25 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

May 21, 2012 11:15:19 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

I'm confused why it has to be in those other states. Without getting into a ton of details on my situation I can tell you that I've always filed for child support in the state of the child's residence. I've also done a modification...Divorce in DE, child support order in PA and then when I moved to VA filed a modification with VA child support.
I'm confused on why you can't just go through the child support office...its free.

I called a family lawyer that my sister used in the state that I live in and this is what she told me. She said it was because it was a modification of an agreement made in NY. I have placed a call to a lawyer in NY and am also trying to contact the child support enforcement in NY.

I will go ahead and call the MS child support office though too, maybe the attorney is mistaken?

Called the MS office and they said I need to go through NY too.

[callunafirefly]

May 21, 2012 11:30:51 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

May 21, 2012 11:23:25 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I called a family lawyer that my sister used in the state that I live in and this is what she told me. She said it was because it was a modification of an agreement made in NY. I have placed a call to a lawyer in NY and am also trying to contact the child support enforcement in NY.

I will go ahead and call the MS child support office though too, maybe the attorney is mistaken?

Called the MS office and they said I need to go through NY too.

I really feel like there is something wonky here...what is the reasoning they are saying go through New York? Is there a way you can transfer the order to your state? I transfered my order from DE to VA (custody/visitation only) and then I was able to file for a modification.
If no one is living in NY I don't see how NY can enforce child support.

[blackkitty]

May 21, 2012 14:00:48 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

May 21, 2012 11:30:51 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Called the MS office and they said I need to go through NY too.

I really feel like there is something wonky here...what is the reasoning they are saying go through New York? Is there a way you can transfer the order to your state? I transfered my order from DE to VA (custody/visitation only) and then I was able to file for a modification.
If no one is living in NY I don't see how NY can enforce child support.

They can apparently... I called NY child support enforcement and they are going to help me. There is no cost and I don't need a lawyer! And if he doesn't pay me it hits his credit report because it is over $1,000!! Now he is trying to bargain with me and say he will pay me back. He said he would send a couple of hundred dollars this week and pay me over time. Now I don't know what to do, go through the state or try to work something out with him.

[callunafirefly]

May 21, 2012 14:20:28 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

May 21, 2012 14:00:48 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

I really feel like there is something wonky here...what is the reasoning they are saying go through New York? Is there a way you can transfer the order to your state? I transfered my order from DE to VA (custody/visitation only) and then I was able to file for a modification.
If no one is living in NY I don't see how NY can enforce child support.

They can apparently... I called NY child support enforcement and they are going to help me. There is no cost and I don't need a lawyer! And if he doesn't pay me it hits his credit report because it is over $1,000!! Now he is trying to bargain with me and say he will pay me back. He said he would send a couple of hundred dollars this week and pay me over time. Now I don't know what to do, go through the state or try to work something out with him.

If I can give you any advice...let the state handle it. Trust me. He's already shown you a pattern of not paying don't let it get worse. ***waving to you with an ex thats over $18,000 in arrears***

[blackkitty]

May 21, 2012 14:32:38 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

May 21, 2012 14:20:28 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

They can apparently... I called NY child support enforcement and they are going to help me. There is no cost and I don't need a lawyer! And if he doesn't pay me it hits his credit report because it is over $1,000!! Now he is trying to bargain with me and say he will pay me back. He said he would send a couple of hundred dollars this week and pay me over time. Now I don't know what to do, go through the state or try to work something out with him.

If I can give you any advice...let the state handle it. Trust me. He's already shown you a pattern of not paying don't let it get worse. ***waving to you with an ex thats over $18,000 in arrears***

OMG, are they garnishing his wages?
That's the thing with my ex, if I go through the state there is nothing for them to garnish (no job). It will accumulate though and I think they can even put him in jail (which will make his wife end up paying). He's all like "I have no money at all" meanwhile he just married a gajillionaire. I just got his address and looked it up online... she has a 5,500 square foot 6 bedroom house!

[starryfish]

May 21, 2012 14:38:54 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

May 21, 2012 14:32:38 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

If I can give you any advice...let the state handle it. Trust me. He's already shown you a pattern of not paying don't let it get worse. ***waving to you with an ex thats over $18,000 in arrears***

OMG, are they garnishing his wages?
That's the thing with my ex, if I go through the state there is nothing for them to garnish (no job). It will accumulate though and I think they can even put him in jail (which will make his wife end up paying). He's all like "I have no money at all" meanwhile he just married a gajillionaire. I just got his address and looked it up online... she has a 5,500 square foot 6 bedroom house!

I would give him like 30 days to pay the amount he owes you or tell him you are going through the state.

[blackkitty]

Thanks for the push on this...
I just talked to a lawyer in NY and she could file and go to court for me for only about $700. She's only $175 an hour (I was basing my assumption on what a divorce lawyer costs which is like $400/hr)
She said I had to try to get something in writing though from him that indicates he agrees to our new custody arrangement so I'm going to have to see if I can figure out how to do that.

[prettyinpearls]

Hold old is your child?

[turtle1120]

Go through the state to get your money. Don't trust him that he'll pay you when he gets money. If he's not working they will figure out what he could be making if he had a job and base his child support off of that. If he has joint bank accounts with his new wife, they may be able to sieze the accounts and take the money.

As far as changing your custody agreement, it's not like you need to try to trick him into getting something in writing. You're going to have to stipulate to a new agreement and file that in court. If he won't stipulate, then you'll have to fight it out.

[blackkitty]

May 22, 2012 8:46:08 GMT -5 prettyinpearls said:

Hold old is your child?

He's almost 7

[stephbfan]

I am not a lawyer but I thought that if neither of the parties reside in the state of the original order for CS, that court loses jurisdiction and you can file where the child has resided for more than 6 months or where he is currently living.

I do see a big advantage on filing in the state he lives. It will take less time for the whole case to be over. There would be no interstate process that are freaking long. You can just ask them to deposit the money directly to your bank account or you can get one of those state debit cards.

If you think its easy enough to file with the Child Support Enforcement office in NY then go ahead and do it. I got my initial CS order with the office and I never needed a lawyer.

Also make them garnish his wages. I'm always grateful that I never have to deal with any CS issues because of this garnishment. They just deposit directly to my account.

[blackkitty]

May 22, 2012 10:36:09 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

I am not a lawyer but I thought that if neither of the parties reside in the state of the original order for CS, that court loses jurisdiction and you can file where the child has resided for more than 6 months or where he is currently living.I do see a big advantage on filing in the state he lives. It will take less time for the whole case to be over. There would be no interstate process that are freaking long. You can just ask them to deposit the money directly to your bank account or you can get one of those state debit cards.

If you think its easy enough to file with the Child Support Enforcement office in NY then go ahead and do it. I got my initial CS order with the office and I never needed a lawyer.

Also make them garnish his wages. I'm always grateful that I never have to deal with any CS issues because of this garnishment. They just deposit directly to my account.

Two lawyers (one in MS and one in NY) plus both child support offices said I need to file in NY...
And I cannot garnish his wages. He has no job or unemployment. He hasn't worked in three years.

[stephbfan]

He doesn't work?! Well, if he is not working, at least the arrears will add up and bite his ass as the time goes by.

[blackkitty]

May 22, 2012 10:48:09 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

He doesn't work?! Well, if he is not working, at least the arrears will add up and bite his ass as the time goes by.

I'm wondering if they can take it out of a joint bank account. His wife has a ton of money. And if she is dumb enough to marry him she is probably dumb enough to have a joint bank account with him... maybe

[stephbfan]

May 22, 2012 10:54:45 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

May 22, 2012 10:48:09 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

He doesn't work?! Well, if he is not working, at least the arrears will add up and bite his ass as the time goes by.

I'm wondering if they can take it out of a joint bank account. His wife has a ton of money. And if she is dumb enough to marry him she is probably dumb enough to have a joint bank account with him... maybe

I don't know. I would say that in most states they don't count spousal income to determine CS but sometimes they can put a lien on his bank account.
Hopefully you do get some money sooner or later

[nextchapter]

May 22, 2012 10:54:45 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

May 22, 2012 10:48:09 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

He doesn't work?! Well, if he is not working, at least the arrears will add up and bite his ass as the time goes by.

I'm wondering if they can take it out of a joint bank account. His wife has a ton of money. And if she is dumb enough to marry him she is probably dumb enough to have a joint bank account with him... maybe

I would definitely look into it, because in my state, spouses are fair game.

[blackkitty]

May 22, 2012 11:30:01 GMT -5 nextchapter said:

May 22, 2012 10:54:45 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I'm wondering if they can take it out of a joint bank account. His wife has a ton of money. And if she is dumb enough to marry him she is probably dumb enough to have a joint bank account with him... maybe

I would definitely look into it, because in my state, spouses are fair game.

Going to call back NYS child support today to see... if that is the case I'll definitely just go through the state.

[blackkitty]

May 22, 2012 11:30:01 GMT -5 nextchapter said:

May 22, 2012 10:54:45 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I'm wondering if they can take it out of a joint bank account. His wife has a ton of money. And if she is dumb enough to marry him she is probably dumb enough to have a joint bank account with him... maybe

I would definitely look into it, because in my state, spouses are fair game.

No such luck... but they can put him in jail if he doesn't pay and there is no way she will let that happen

[livinitup]

Yes. Your child is entitled to that supper even if he doesnt have the money to pay it right mow. If her EVER gets a windfall or a job it could be paid.

And I used to run an employment program that targeted unemployed, non-custodial parents with a child support judgement against them. Having a judgement to pay child support actually qualified them for help finding a job. Those programs are sparse but you never know what might happen down the road.

Would he agree to the modification? Or would it have to be adversarial?

[callunafirefly]

May 22, 2012 10:39:06 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

May 22, 2012 10:36:09 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

I am not a lawyer but I thought that if neither of the parties reside in the state of the original order for CS, that court loses jurisdiction and you can file where the child has resided for more than 6 months or where he is currently living.I do see a big advantage on filing in the state he lives. It will take less time for the whole case to be over. There would be no interstate process that are freaking long. You can just ask them to deposit the money directly to your bank account or you can get one of those state debit cards.

If you think its easy enough to file with the Child Support Enforcement office in NY then go ahead and do it. I got my initial CS order with the office and I never needed a lawyer.

Also make them garnish his wages. I'm always grateful that I never have to deal with any CS issues because of this garnishment. They just deposit directly to my account.

Two lawyers (one in MS and one in NY) plus both child support offices said I need to file in NY...And I cannot garnish his wages. He has no job or unemployment. He hasn't worked in three years.

I still don't get this...but I guess every case is different. I've had CS cases in DE, PA and VA and its always been where the child lived. Our divorce was in DE and then he went out of state. It was an interstate case between DE/CA and then PA/CA then VA/AK, now VA/CA.
But I do think you should seek child support, get in in writing, filed in a court or with CS - whatever route you go. So to answer your original question - Yes I do think its worth it.

[stephbfan]

I was told that it depends on what court has jurisdiction over the case. I opened my case in VA then I relocated to my home country. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't move my case to where I live (with DD) now because my ex still lives in the same county.

What I don't understand is why NY would have jurisdiction in her case if no one is living there anymore.

[naeljun]

I'm glad that you are pursing this. Even if it takes you years to get any of the money he owes you, at least you are proving the point that you are going to keep him responible for your child.

[cemacmil]

May 21, 2012 15:48:43 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Thanks for the push on this...
I just talked to a lawyer in NY and she could file and go to court for me for only about $700. She's only $175 an hour (I was basing my assumption on what a divorce lawyer costs which is like $400/hr)
She said I had to try to get something in writing though from him that indicates he agrees to our new custody arrangement so I'm going to have to see if I can figure out how to do that.

IMO your lawyer should both draft this (on what you say) and then get it to him to sign.