This is sparked by a comment my H said last night. I said that when I was young I slept over my friends house frequently. I have alot of good memories.
He said "our kids not sleeping over at anyone's house. My face was like :-| . Really?
I know you have to be careful but I had so much fun at sleepovers. WDYT?
I expect Ds will sleep over at friends houses and that he'll have friends over. He actually just got a bunk bed and I expect in a couple years, he'll have friends sleeping on the top!
This is in conjunction, though, with us knowing the parents of the friends that he'll be staying over with!
If our world really comes to where kids can't have sleepovers anymore because of all the "what ifs", it's REALLY a sad state.
It would not cross my mind not to let DD have sleepovers. I would want to meet the parents first, but sleepovers are a total rite of passage! I can't imagine denying them to my kid.
Post by karinothing on Oct 16, 2012 13:20:02 GMT -5
I loved sleepovers! I plan on letting my child go to them.
That being said, I am on another board and I feel like the majority of the parents won't let their kids spend the night at another's house is the dad is going to be there It is just depressing.
I can't imagine NOT having sleepovers and not letting my kids go on sleepovers.
What was his reasoning? And did he do sleepovers as a kid?
He doesn't trust anyone completely (atleast with our kid). He looked at me with a serious face and said "if he were to get molested and we let him go we would never forgive ourselves". I think he is honestly scared to death.
A little background, my DH is the corporate security business and he's seen alot of bad things. Plus, he didn't go to sleepovers when he was little because he has so much family (cousins, siblings, etc.) he was always with family. We don't have any family here.
I loved sleepovers! I plan on letting my child go to them.
That being said, I am on another board and I feel like the majority of the parents won't let their kids spend the night at another's house is the dad is going to be there It is just depressing.
That's so depressing, and makes me kind of angry. It's like all men are presumed sexual predators now.
Post by luvmagoldn on Oct 16, 2012 13:32:54 GMT -5
I slept over with friends when I was a kid but H and I have decided not to allow it.
I have a close friend who did not allow sleep overs for her three boys. Her feeling was you just don't know who to trust and if you say yes to some families and no to others you risk hurt feelings and bad relationships. Plus it's not just the parents you have to worry about but siblings and if the siblings have friends over at the same time....the possibilities for bad things to happen go way up.
She said her boys were fine with it and it never caused social problems. They were popular and had a wide group of friends and continued to be invited to parties.
I loved sleepovers! I plan on letting my child go to them.
That being said, I am on another board and I feel like the majority of the parents won't let their kids spend the night at another's house is the dad is going to be there It is just depressing.
That's so depressing, and makes me kind of angry. It's like all men are presumed sexual predators now.
Yeah, it pisses me off too. Then I think well are parents not going to allow my husband to take my son and their son fishing or camping or any of the other activties my husband can't wait to do? All becuase they think that he could maybe be a sexual predator?
Post by luvmagoldn on Oct 16, 2012 13:42:24 GMT -5
I know people who were molested as children. Whether the parents could have prevented it or not, every.single.one blamed their parents, to some degree and on some level, for not protecting them.
I send my kids to school and they participate in sports. But I don't see the need to allow them to sleep over with friends.
I slept over with friends when I was a kid but H and I have decided not to allow it.
I have a close friend who did this with her three boys. Because you just don't know who to trust and if you say yes to some families and no to others you risk hurt feelings and bad relationships. Plus it's not just the patents I worry about but siblings and if they have friends over at the same time....the possibilities for bad things to happen go way up.
So our stance is no.
This doesn't even make sense.
Bad things can happen anywhere, where you least expect it. Ask the kids who were molested by Jerry Sandusky. Ask kids who are molested by their uncles, or grandfathers, or even fathers. You can't prevent every situation, so unless you put your kid in a bubble and never let them out of your sight, I think its silly to deprive my kids of normal childhood experiences.
But obviously I am not going to let my kid sleep over somewhere without knowing the parents very well.
We will allow sleepovers if we know the parents well and know that the parents will be home with the kids the whole time. DS1 has already had sleepovers with his cousins and my college roommate's son, since we know all the adults involved well.
I think being the one kid who wasn't allowed to go to sleepovers would have seriously bummed me out as a kid.
I had tons of sleepovers as a kid. In fact there were a few years there (12-16ish) when it was rare that I wasn't staying at someone else's house on a Friday night or that a friend wasn't sleeping at our house. So I would expect our kids to have them, esp. DD.
Is it something that boys do though? For some reason it strikes me as more of a female activity. I don't think my brother really did them.
I had tons of sleepovers as a kid. In fact there were a few years there (12-16ish) when it was rare that I wasn't staying at someone else's house on a Friday night or that a friend wasn't sleeping at our house. So I would expect our kids to have them, esp. DD.
Is it something that boys do though? For some reason it strikes me as more of a female activity. I don't think my brother really did them.
My brother had friends sleepover and slept over at friends houses just as much as I did, though it seems like maybe they stopped doing them at a younger age.
I know people who were molested as children. Whether the parents could have prevented it or not, every.single.one blamed their parents, to some degree and on some level, for not protecting them.
I send my kids to school and they participate in sports. But I don't see the need to allow them to sleep over with friends.
Edited for spelling.
You're not going to let your children spend the night at someone's house so they don't blame you if something goes wrong? That's a strange view.
I don't think you're reducing the risk of "bad things" much at all by not allowing your child to spend the night at someone's home if you trust the parents.
What's the difference between letting them go over to play/hang out without you at age 12 vs. allowing them to spend the night? How does spending the night increase the danger?
I would fear that your kids may have a really difficult time amongst as they get older and have to flat out say "I'm not allowed to spend the night at anyone's house".
Honestly, I never really had hurt feelings when my parents let me stay at X's house but not Y's. If they didn't trust Y's parents, I typically didn't feel comfortable in their home. No hurt feelings there.
Post by luvmagoldn on Oct 16, 2012 14:05:22 GMT -5
I included the part about kids blaming their parents because the OP's H said he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if something happened to their child.
It obviously is not the crux of my stance on this.
For those that don't want sleep overs will you continue to ban them in HS? I think the majority of sleepovers I had were in highschool, not in ES.
really? I had sleepovers regularly from probably 4th grade.
The difference between elementary and high school were that they became co-ed in HS.
Most of my sleepovers were in elementary and middle school. I started sleeping over with my BFF regularly in kinder (my mom and her mom were best friends, so there was a comfort level there.
My parents were actually far stricter about sleepovers in high school because they were concerned that the other kid's parents would not supervise us appropriately, that there would be drinking/drugs/boys, that we would all lie and say we were sleeping at each others' houses so that we could stay out late, sleep at our boyfriends' houses, etc. I think they felt like there was less control with high school sleepovers than when we were younger, which I can kind of get.
Post by nonsenseabound on Oct 16, 2012 14:18:17 GMT -5
I would totally let my kid sleep over at a friend's house. I would want to know the parents and trust them. But I did sleepovers all the time as a kid. I cannot fathom not having that experience.
I slept over with friends when I was a kid but H and I have decided not to allow it.
I have a close friend who did this with her three boys. Because you just don't know who to trust and if you say yes to some families and no to others you risk hurt feelings and bad relationships. Plus it's not just the patents I worry about but siblings and if they have friends over at the same time....the possibilities for bad things to happen go way up.
So our stance is no.
I agree with all of this. I don't allow my oldest to DS to attend sleepovers and will not either for my younger kids. They will not miss out on anything as far as I'm concerned. They can have playdates during the day under my supervision and at the end everyone sleeps in their own home.
For those that don't want sleep overs will you continue to ban them in HS? I think the majority of sleepovers I had were in highschool, not in ES.
really? I had sleepovers regularly from probably 4th grade.
The difference between elementary and high school were that they became co-ed in HS.
Yeah, I remember them starting in 5th or 6th, but feel like the bulk of them were in HS (like every weekend in HS). My BFF in HS was a gay male and he spent like every night at my house (heck even in my bed!).
really? I had sleepovers regularly from probably 4th grade.
The difference between elementary and high school were that they became co-ed in HS.
Yeah, I remember them starting in 5th or 6th, but feel like the bulk of them were in HS (like every weekend in HS). My BFF in HS was a gay male and he spent like every night at my house (heck even in my bed!).
my BFF in HS was also gay but didnt come out for years. He lived down the street and we had sleepovers all the time.
I'm actually thinking I had them even earlier than 4th grade. My mom's best friend had a daughter my age and we were very close, we probably had sleepovers almost every week at some point.
I slept over with friends when I was a kid but H and I have decided not to allow it.
I have a close friend who did this with her three boys. Because you just don't know who to trust and if you say yes to some families and no to others you risk hurt feelings and bad relationships. Plus it's not just the patents I worry about but siblings and if they have friends over at the same time....the possibilities for bad things to happen go way up.
So our stance is no.
This doesn't even make sense.
Bad things can happen anywhere, where you least expect it. Ask the kids who were molested by Jerry Sandusky. Ask kids who are molested by their uncles, or grandfathers, or even fathers. You can't prevent every situation, so unless you put your kid in a bubble and never let them out of your sight, I think its silly to deprive my kids of normal childhood experiences.
But obviously I am not going to let my kid sleep over somewhere without knowing the parents very well.
I might not be able to prevent something bad from happening to them all the time but you better believe I will try as hard as I can and that includes no sleepovers.
Sleepovers are just not something I'm used to. Is it really part of an American child's life? I understand if it's a sleepover with my family friends/family but just friends from school?
Yeah, I remember them starting in 5th or 6th, but feel like the bulk of them were in HS (like every weekend in HS). My BFF in HS was a gay male and he spent like every night at my house (heck even in my bed!).
my BFF in HS was also gay but didnt come out for years. He lived down the street and we had sleepovers all the time.
I'm actually thinking I had them even earlier than 4th grade. My mom's best friend had a daughter my age and we were very close, we probably had sleepovers almost every week at some point.
Maybe I did have them earlier and I can't remember lol. I know I did have a BFF from kinder to 5th grade (then she moved) so I imagine I had sleepovers. I have no memory
I do admit that I got into trouble when I was older and had sleepovers (mostly involving drinking and making out with boys, but I figure that is part of growing up).