I totally agree and appreciate your perspective a lot.
The good thing is that we're good enough friends that I can communicate this to him without worrying he'll take it the wrong way.
Yea I think that's totally a good way to go. I know I started out being very strong and all like "we're just gonna be friends." But then I totally became his rock and emotional support and once that bond and emotional intimacy was there it was much harder to resist the physical stuff. Just looking out! I know I totally kick myself for the way I handled that whole mess.
Don't beat yourself up-you live and learn!
The good thing is that he lives three hours away so that makes it so things HAVE to be taken slowly.
More than anything he's just an amazing person and I want to be there for him as a friend. But I really do appreciate you sharing what you went through and your concerns.
I just can't get the flames up for sleeping around, as long as you were safe and protected yourself, get down with it! You are an adult, hopefully these men are adults ( ) so, do what you want!
Bern-yeah, I'd keep tings off FB until your divorce is final. Facebook crap gets dragged into court all the time now days.
I agree with JoJo, keep things off fb. Xh used my posts against me!
Post by jojoandleo on Oct 19, 2012 11:32:27 GMT -5
I volunteered in VPO court, so I mostly saw threatening posts, or just mean posts and so on. One stalking case, they used his FB check ins.
We had a divorce case where the guy tried to use her posting about her BF to prove she was an unfit mother, but we live in a no fault state, so the judge didn't care, but you don't want the animosity in court. You don't want him doing anything that will drag this out, ya know?
Post by formerlyak on Oct 19, 2012 11:37:16 GMT -5
I was surprised at the handful of comments in the STD post yesterday to the effect that "many friends have had an STD and it's no big deal." I seriously know like 4 people total who have had an STD -- and I'm one of those people who friends just tell things to with no censor because they know I will listen, so I hear a lot of TMI stuff.
Everyone I know uses condoms until exclusive and tested. It's a non-negotiable in my circle of friends.
I was surprised at the handful of comments in the STD post yesterday to the effect that "many friends have had an STD and it's no big deal." I seriously know like 4 people total who have had an STD -- and I'm one of those people who friends just tell things to with no censor because they know I will listen, so I hear a lot of TMI stuff.
Everyone I know uses condoms until exclusive and tested. It's a non-negotiable in my circle of friends.
I think that "a lot of people have this" and "it's no big deal" are completely unrelated statements, and should be treated as such. I hate that common is what passes for fine and acceptable these days.
Last week I said "I don't think I can have random sex"....I take it back!
I got HPV when I was 17 and had to have surgery on my cervix to remove the possibly cancerous areas. They told me that I might not be able to have kids because of it...this apparently wasn't an issue .
Last week I said "I don't think I can have random sex"....I take it back!
I got HPV when I was 17 and had to have surgery on my cervix to remove the possibly cancerous areas. They told me that I might not be able to have kids because of it...this apparently wasn't an issue .
Last week I said "I don't think I can have random sex"....I take it back!
I got HPV when I was 17 and had to have surgery on my cervix to remove the possibly cancerous areas. They told me that I might not be able to have kids because of it...this apparently wasn't an issue .
Last week I said "I don't think I can have random sex"....I take it back!
I got HPV when I was 17 and had to have surgery on my cervix to remove the possibly cancerous areas. They told me that I might not be able to have kids because of it...this apparently wasn't an issue .
Did you have LEEP? I almost had to get it done and I was SO scared, but luckily my precancerous areas went away, cuz I have an amazing immune system lol
Oh, thought you wanted more info on me being a dirty whore in high school!!
This stems from last weekend when I was screwing around with the new guy in the hotel....we both really wanted to have sex, but neither of us had a condom, so we did everything but. I totally would have boned him, if we'd been prepared.
Last week I said "I don't think I can have random sex"....I take it back!
I got HPV when I was 17 and had to have surgery on my cervix to remove the possibly cancerous areas. They told me that I might not be able to have kids because of it...this apparently wasn't an issue .
Did you have LEEP? I almost had to get it done and I was SO scared, but luckily my precancerous areas went away, cuz I have an amazing immune system lol
I honestly don't remember.....that was a looonnnggggg time ago!!
I am an oversharer. I need to stop this and slow it down and I know this but I can't seem to do it.
I blabbed to SBG last night about some things that I really shouldn't have ... and woke up feeling like "OMG I've scared him off." Thankfully I didn't. Yet. But I need to knock this shit off.
Chronic oversharer here too. HOLLER! We should go to oversharers anonymous. Except it wouldn't be anonymous cuz none of us could keep our mouths shut.
I was surprised at the handful of comments in the STD post yesterday to the effect that "many friends have had an STD and it's no big deal." I seriously know like 4 people total who have had an STD -- and I'm one of those people who friends just tell things to with no censor because they know I will listen, so I hear a lot of TMI stuff.
Everyone I know uses condoms until exclusive and tested. It's a non-negotiable in my circle of friends.
Good for your friends. Practicing sefer sex is important. Still, condoms aren't infallible, and they don't offer protection from all STIs. In fact, the two that were specifically mentioned in that post, herpes and HPV, can be transmitted even if condoms were used.
J is all about fb and wants to make us fb official. I feel funny about that since I still can't even file for divorce for another month. Still, it's pretty obvious that we're together.
And he just posted something about me spending the night, which I also feel a little weird about.
I just have a question - are you worried about your ExH claiming adultery or whatever else because you are in a relationship before the divorce is legal? I was warned about that so I stayed away from relationships.
I was surprised at the handful of comments in the STD post yesterday to the effect that "many friends have had an STD and it's no big deal." I seriously know like 4 people total who have had an STD -- and I'm one of those people who friends just tell things to with no censor because they know I will listen, so I hear a lot of TMI stuff.
Everyone I know uses condoms until exclusive and tested. It's a non-negotiable in my circle of friends.
None of my friends have STDs so I thought this was odd too. But also none of us really have many sexual partners. I have only had 4. Put those posts made me worry alot now. I get tested every year and am clean but now I am anxious again!!
I'm really not much liking the posts with the implication that the only people who contract STIs are irresponsible and have had a lot of partners. That's not always the case. If you're having sex, you're at risk. End of story.
I am an oversharer. I need to stop this and slow it down and I know this but I can't seem to do it.
I blabbed to SBG last night about some things that I really shouldn't have ... and woke up feeling like "OMG I've scared him off." Thankfully I didn't. Yet. But I need to knock this shit off.
Chronic oversharer here too. HOLLER! We should go to oversharers anonymous. Except it wouldn't be anonymous cuz none of us could keep our mouths shut.
Me too!! I've nicknamed myself TMI, especially when I'm drinking, which is one reason I've cut back my drinking, I hate when I overshare, especially details about my divorce and stbx. I always feel like shit the next day.
My bf and I talked about marriage in a general sense yesterday. We also talked about parenting. I am so happy to see we are on the same page about how we view marriage and parenting and now I keep thinking about what a great dad he would be and what a great team we would be together...we did touch upon us getting married in a joking matter but also he made clear he saw a future with us.
So yeah we have had the future talk and the big talks about our morals/principles, parenting and ideas on marriage yet we don't ever say the big L word.
How long have you been together? Do you love him? Why haven't you told him?
*throws whore dust around* I've had an STD and so have some of my friends....whoop whoop!!
Most of my girlfriends and myself all had HPV back in my early 20's, it seemed really common in my circle of friends and we weren't whoring around, well maybe sorta, but I thought like 80% of the population has HPV.
I'm really not much liking the posts with the implication that the only people who contract STIs are irresponsible and have had a lot of partners. That's not always the case. If you're having sex, you're at risk. End of story.
I wasn't implying that at all. I know anyone can get a STD anytime. Just statistically, it's less likely the less partners you have. I mean most of my friends are still virgins, have had one partner or maybe two. So the chances of them getting something when they have such limited experiences, isn't as high but of course there is always a chance. And I always say people having sex are always at risk b/c condoms don't protect against everything so it's an inevitable risk you take every time. I am so aware of that and why I am always afraid of STDs!!
My bf and I talked about marriage in a general sense yesterday. We also talked about parenting. I am so happy to see we are on the same page about how we view marriage and parenting and now I keep thinking about what a great dad he would be and what a great team we would be together...we did touch upon us getting married in a joking matter but also he made clear he saw a future with us.
So yeah we have had the future talk and the big talks about our morals/principles, parenting and ideas on marriage yet we don't ever say the big L word.
How long have you been together? Do you love him? Why haven't you told him?
Approaching 6 months. I do love him but I am a big 'ol chicken. And now that I have waited, it's only made it harder to say it haha. It's stupid, I know.
How long have you been together? Do you love him? Why haven't you told him?
Approaching 6 months. I do love him but I am a big 'ol chicken. And now that I have waited, it's only made it harder to say it haha. It's stupid, I know.
I am an oversharer. I need to stop this and slow it down and I know this but I can't seem to do it.
I blabbed to SBG last night about some things that I really shouldn't have ... and woke up feeling like "OMG I've scared him off." Thankfully I didn't. Yet. But I need to knock this shit off.
Chronic oversharer here too. HOLLER! We should go to oversharers anonymous. Except it wouldn't be anonymous cuz none of us could keep our mouths shut.
Same here. Really bad when I'm drinking. My friends can even tell when I'm trying to NOT share something. I suck at secrets and can't lie at all.
I'm really not much liking the posts with the implication that the only people who contract STIs are irresponsible and have had a lot of partners. That's not always the case. If you're having sex, you're at risk. End of story.
Agreed
Obviously the bolded is true, but you greatly reduce your chances of contracting an STD if you don't have a lot of partners or use a condom correctly every time you have sex.
*throws whore dust around* I've had an STD and so have some of my friends....whoop whoop!!
Most of my girlfriends and myself all had HPV back in my early 20's, it seemed really common in my circle of friends and we weren't whoring around, well maybe sorta, but I thought like 80% of the population has HPV.
OH MAN FORMERLYAK IS GONNA COME AND SCHOOL YOU ON WHY YOU ARE WRONG ABOUT THIS STATISTIC
Obviously the bolded is true, but you greatly reduce your chances of contracting an STD if you don't have a lot of partners or use a condom correctly every time you have sex.
All it takes is one infected partner. One broken condom. No one is immune, and that's why I refuse to judge or make assumptions.
Generally, though, slut-shaming just isn't my bag.
Andddddddddddddd, now I'm off for the day. Bye, folks!
I'm really not much liking the posts with the implication that the only people who contract STIs are irresponsible and have had a lot of partners. That's not always the case. If you're having sex, you're at risk. End of story.