Update on friend who wanted to date my ex

[gozf]

I followed everyone's advice and told him she wanted to be his special lady, and if that wasn't what he was into, he might consider putting some distance there. He said, yes, he would.

Then, mostly joking around, I said, "You should have heard the way she was talking about you. You sure you didn't bang her already?"

His answer, "Oh. Well, yeah. That happened, but I didn't think it was a big deal."

um. Ex-fucking-cuse me?!?!

So. I'm furious with him for thinking it was cool to have sex with her. I'm furious with her for the same reason -- and for basically going through the motions of asking for my support after it had already happened. You really don't get to remain my friend by banging my ex and telling me a half-truth about it.

I haven't talked to her. She's been texting me like a maniac, and I'm not responding.

BUT. She has an entire TV series of DVDs of mine that I really want back. And a not-cheap bag that she borrowed. So, it's cool for me to lure her out for a drink, ask her to bring the loot, and then to tell her I hate her face and leave her with the tab, yes?

[Deleted]

maybe just write "i hate your face" on the check right before you ditch.

listen, i know that you and your ex are friends and we all remember him being a swell guy, but perhaps some distance from him too?

[hubes]

"Hey! Thor wants to see Sex in the City. Would you mind dropping it off at my place?"

And never say another word.

[Deleted]

Fuck yes that is OK! Make sure it's an expensive tab too! Why did she even bother asking you if she'd already had sex with him? That is so low.

[melindafelinda]

Uh yes. What a skank.

[flexie]

The guilt must have gotten to her which is why she spilled the beans.
Can't you be upfront and ask to get your shit back?

[eb777888]

Wow, that is fucked up! Do what you have to do to get the DVD's back but unless she is a complete snatch she should give them to you anyway.

[Kit]

I think that's ok. I'd do it.

That is a shitty thing for her to do. Sorry :-(

[ax2]

Oh, that's tough. My first thought would be to tell her to eat a bag of dicks, but then you probably won't get your stuff back. Perhaps "going for coffee to talk it out" would be a good rouse to get your things back and bail.

[gozf]

May 11, 2012 9:41:53 GMT -5 cville said:

maybe just write "i hate your face" on the check right before you ditch.

listen, i know that you and your ex are friends and we all remember him being a swell guy, but perhaps some distance from him too?

Oh, yes. I told him as much. I also told him that I didn't introduce him to my friends because I was running an incestuous dating service. He was becoming a recluse, and I was worried about him.

I made it very clear that I needed to take a step back from him, and that if we were to spend time together again, it would be a one-on-one lunch type of thing, that I no longer care to include him in group events.

[lemondrop]

May 11, 2012 9:40:47 GMT -5 gozf said:

BUT. She has an entire TV series of DVDs of mine that I really want back. And a not-cheap bag that she borrowed. So, it's cool for me to lure her out for a drink, ask her to bring the loot, and then to tell her I hate her face and leave her with the tab, yes?

I fully support you doing this. She's the one who's a bitch in this situation.

[eightangryreindeer]

fuckin a dude

jesus

I'm sorry - are you ok?

I'd just go to her house and get your shiiit. If you ask her for a meeting and ask her to bring all your shiit she's going to be on to you.

what a load of douchebaggery

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 9:44:46 GMT -5 gozf said:

May 11, 2012 9:41:53 GMT -5 cville said:

maybe just write "i hate your face" on the check right before you ditch.

listen, i know that you and your ex are friends and we all remember him being a swell guy, but perhaps some distance from him too?

Oh, yes. I told him as much. I also told him that I didn't introduce him to my friends because I was running an incestuous dating service. He was becoming a recluse, and I was worried about him.

I made it very clear that I needed to take a step back from him, and that if we were to spend time together again, it would be a one-on-one lunch type of thing, that I no longer care to include him in group events.

badass. i know that you care about him a lot, so this short term solution might ultimately help you to remain friends.

[flexie]

May 11, 2012 9:44:46 GMT -5 gozf said:

May 11, 2012 9:41:53 GMT -5 cville said:

maybe just write "i hate your face" on the check right before you ditch.

listen, i know that you and your ex are friends and we all remember him being a swell guy, but perhaps some distance from him too?

Oh, yes. I told him as much. I also told him that I didn't introduce him to my friends because I was running an incestuous dating service. He was becoming a recluse, and I was worried about him.

I made it very clear that I needed to take a step back from him, and that if we were to spend time together again, it would be a one-on-one lunch type of thing, that I no longer care to include him in group events.

I get why you're trying to be "helpful" to your ex and your ex-friend (weren't you kind of being her motivational coach for a bit?), but really you need to stop enabling folks. Concentrate on your relationship with your BF instead, and make your own happiness the priority.

[gozf]

May 11, 2012 9:42:11 GMT -5 hubes said:

"Hey! Thor wants to see Sex in the City. Would you mind dropping it off at my place?"

And never say another word.

I like this, but she knows that Thor and I already watched this series. I do have a good friend, however, who is going on sabbatical. I can say he wants it for his trip.

And that bag! It wasn't couture or anything, but it was an $80 bag! I want it back.

[emilythorne]

That sucks! She's a bitch, but it takes two and makes him kind of a douche too.

[peachykate]

I think showing up and getting it that way seems like the best course of action. If you ask her to meet you out with your stuff unless she is a total idiot she is going to know something is up.

[sonrisa]

May 11, 2012 9:47:50 GMT -5 gozf said:

May 11, 2012 9:42:11 GMT -5 hubes said:

"Hey! Thor wants to see Sex in the City. Would you mind dropping it off at my place?"

And never say another word.

I like this, but she knows that Thor and I already watched this series. I do have a good friend, however, who is going on sabbatical. I can say he wants it for his trip.

And that bag! It wasn't couture or anything, but it was an $80 bag! I want it back.

May 11, 2012 9:42:11 GMT -5 hubes said:

"Hey! Thor wants to see Sex in the City. Would you mind dropping it off at my place?"

And never say another word.

Pubes is wise. A face off will make you feel better in the moment but like crap in the morning.

[gozf]

May 11, 2012 9:47:43 GMT -5 @flexie said:

May 11, 2012 9:44:46 GMT -5 gozf said:

Oh, yes. I told him as much. I also told him that I didn't introduce him to my friends because I was running an incestuous dating service. He was becoming a recluse, and I was worried about him.

I made it very clear that I needed to take a step back from him, and that if we were to spend time together again, it would be a one-on-one lunch type of thing, that I no longer care to include him in group events.

I get why you're trying to be "helpful" to your ex and your ex-friend (weren't you kind of being her motivational coach for a bit?), but really you need to stop enabling folks. Concentrate on your relationship with your BF instead, and make your own happiness the priority.

I am very focused on my intensely awesome relationship, thanks.

[sprky79]

Oof. I think you could cut them both loose cheerfully.

[EmilieMadison]

May 11, 2012 9:51:21 GMT -5 peachykate said:

I think showing up and getting it that way seems like the best course of action. If you ask her to meet you out with your stuff unless she is a total idiot she is going to know something is up.

Yeah, I agree. You need to go to her house and get your stuff. That way she can't be all "OMG, I totally forgot your things! OOPS!!"

[flexie]

May 11, 2012 9:54:10 GMT -5 gozf said:

May 11, 2012 9:47:43 GMT -5 @flexie said:

I get why you're trying to be "helpful" to your ex and your ex-friend (weren't you kind of being her motivational coach for a bit?), but really you need to stop enabling folks. Concentrate on your relationship with your BF instead, and make your own happiness the priority.

I am very focused on my intensely awesome relationship, thanks.

Good to hear.
Just saying you tried to help your friend and your ex get out of their shells, etc., and look where it got you. : )

[Nicole]

What a stupid hoe!

Did she think you wouldn't find out?

[papie]

What a bitch! I'm glad you are distancing yourself from him too...it is not your job to help him find girls to bang!

[gozf]

I don't even know where that slag lives! I've never been to her place! She's been to mine, though.

I really don't relish confrontation, and I like the idea of just never speaking to her again. But, man. I want my stuff!

[Deleted]

Losers, both of them. I'd drive up to her house and say get out here and bring my stuff.

[hubes]

I'm going to have to stick with my initial suggestion. Ask her to bring them buy your place. Make it the primary reason for the encounter.

[mrsjuleshs]

What a fucking snatch. I think showing up at her place, calmly demanding your stuff back and then walking away is your best bet.

[gozf]

Wait. Thor and I are having dinner with another couple this evening -- in her neighborhood! I can send her a text, say, "heyyyy, X wants the dvds, I'll be in your hood, may I stop by before dinner?"

And then I get her address. And then I BURN HER ALIVE.

No. I won't do that. I'll just take my stuff. And then I will never speak to her again.

[Deleted]

God, she is impressively skanky. Cut that bitch out of your life asap. I'd get my stuff back and then never talk to her again.