Moms- Q about baby shower

[lauren9317]

Let's say that you invited your male first cousin's wife to your baby shower and she lives 5 hours away from you so she rsvps no. Would you expect her to send you a baby shower gift?

The same cousin of MH's invited me to her bridal shower last year and I also rsvp'd no but I did send a gift off the registry. It seemed to me that was the correct thing to do. But then we also attended the wedding in CT which cost a lot of money and gave them a separate wedding gift too.

So do I also need to send a baby shower gift? I was totally planning to, but the more I look at all the overpriced crap on her registries, I really don't feel like it.

I had never even heard of The Land of Nod until now!

Thanks for your opinions! I never had a bridal shower so I'm just not sure if someone is still supposed to ship you a gift if they rsvp no.

Come to think of it (one more thing!) a coworker invited everyone to her baby shower earlier this year and I didn't go but yet I still felt the correct thing to do was bring a gift and give it to her at work. So I did, and she never even gave me a thank you note, which I thought was rude. Ok, had to vent about that real quick

[jen812]

Obviously, you don't 'have' to do anything. The nice thing to do would be to send a gift. It sounds like you really don't want to though. You don't have to buy from the registry either. A gift card is always useful. Send her something small.

FWIW, Land of Nod is getting pretty popular up here. There isn't a store near me, so I've never been, but my relatives in Boston seem to always be registered there.

ETA: I confused this store with something else. Sorry.

[sara76]

You're never required to gift, especially if you don't attend. If you attend you should, but its not required and it doesn't have to be much. I would never want someone to give a gift they couldn't afford. But if you don't attend and don't want to send a gift then he'll to the no, don't do it.

And fwiw I have found with the last 3 weddings I've gone to that thank you cards aren't really the new normal thing. They're important to me too, but I did probably slack on some for gifts received after the baby was born and I got exhausted and scattered. Those always get a pass, except when it was shipped. To receive a shipped gift and not acknowledge it so the sender knows it made it, sucks.

[sara76]

My bumper and quilt are from there and I'm totally getting her a personalized beanbag for her birthday. I get their catalogs and love them.

[mskateb]

Personally, I would definitely, definitely not expect a gift from someone who couldn't make it to the shower. Frankly, if someone came to the shower, they still don't HAVE to bring a gift. (Though it would be a little weird to show up at a shower empty-handed.) If I didn't WANT to buy a gift for someone, I just wouldn't. Gifts should be something you want to do. That's why they're fun.

And, I kinda wanna see this registry, lol. Land of Nod has all kinds of cute stuff, but I think it's really crazy to register there and no where else. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure there's nothing at Land of Nod that you actually NEED for a baby. Just crap to make a cute room. (Like crap that I could maybe justify spending my own money on, but I could never expect it of someone else.)

[aegis2005]

It's been awhile since my bridal shower, but if memory serves me correctly people who were invited, but didn't attend didn't send gifts.

Granted, I'm not really close to any of my first cousins, but I wouldn't send a baby shower gift for their way. That said, DH is close to his cousins, and when they have a baby I send a $25 Target gift card AFTER the baby comes, so they can pick up random things they may need (like diapers, wipes, etc.)

[sara76]

The $25 gift card to Target after baby is born is a great gift. If you can/want to swing it. Not required but it will be useful.

[lauren9317]

Thanks all. Her registries turned me off so maybe I'll just send a gift card. Although I always have a fear of a gift card getting lost in the mail, so I would rather send a check, but that would probably be weird.
Kate, she was actually registered at both Nod and Babiesrus, but both registries seemed to have all this trivial crap on it. Like stuffed animal toys that were like $30. If she had some nice picture frames on there I would pick those.

[sara76]

Oh you mean you don't want to get her the $400 sock monster giraffe I'm looking at right now in their new catalog??
ETA I think a check is weird for a baby gift. If I had gotten one I wouldn't have cashed it. I would risk the gift card.

[tashaandsage]

Lauren, your fears are kind of valid about sending a gift card in the mail. A couple years ago, my mom got me a sizable gift card for my birthday, and she wasn't going to see me until the day after, so she decided to mail it to me so I'd get it the day of. The day she put it in the mailbox, someone went around her neighborhood stealing mail out of boxes. The store was able to track the gift card and it was spent within an hour of her putting in her mailbox. Ever since then, I'm haven't wanted to send gift cards in the mail because if it is lost or stolen, there's nothing that can be done about it. And even if you mail it out from work or the post office, it could still be taken out of the recipient's mailbox. I'm sure mail theft is not that common, but still it concerns me.

[sara76]

I guess I just have a thing about cash/checks as gifts. I'm fine with it for wedding gifts, that's usually what I give. And even a $20 in a birthday card is fine. But just yesterday I argued with my mom. She told me she was going to send some cash for Christmas. "It's not going to be much. It's all I can afford. Everybody is getting the same amount. La la la". I told her please don't send it. We don't need it. I'm not going to cash the check. Please keep it or pick something cute out for Amelia with it. She insisted, argued. It just puts a bad taste in my mouth, like its fulfilling some obligation that she's put on herself, and it doesn't feel like she's doing something nice or thoughtful. I'd honestly prefer just a nice card. But she wins. Send the money. I'll give it to TECO. I'm a brat.
If you do a gift card I'm sure you can have the store ship it more securely because you can put them on your registry for convenience.
Or really, don't get anything, it doesn't make you a bad person. Lots of people who couldn't make it to my shower didn't send gifts. I still love them exactly the same. Lots of people I didn't even think to invite did send gifts, because they wanted to.

[melis74]

Oct 24, 2012 9:43:07 GMT -5 sara76 said:

Or really, don't get anything, it doesn't make you a bad person. Lots of people who couldn't make it to my shower didn't send gifts. I still love them exactly the same. Lots of people I didn't even think to invite did send gifts, because they wanted to.

Ditto to that.

[lauren9317]

Sara- she registered for that sock monster!!! No, just kidding. But she registered for equally silly things, like butterflies to decorate the nursery. Which would be fine, but each butterfly is really pricey and sold separately or something.
I agree that it seems weird to send a check for a baby shower. But only if the check-giver is the same age as the mom-to-be. Maybe it's just me, but I'm fine with getting checks from older people like grandmas and aunts. But if a friend gave me a check as a baby gift, it would seem awkward. Although I would still be happy to deposit it. You really wouldn't cash it??

Tasha- Yeah I'm afraid of scenarios like that! At least when you send a check, you know if they got it or not.

[sara76]

Wellllll...
I guess it's rude to not cash a check because the giver is watching their check account waiting for it to clear. But I wouldn't want to.

[moonstone523]

Did this girl come to your wedding? Did she get you a gift? I probably would send something either for the shower or after the baby comes. It doesn't have to be from the registry either.

[mrschelseap09]

Unless you are close to said cousins wife, I would say no. It gets to a point where you feel like you have to invite people to events in your life because they came to others. L had a huge 1st birthday but I am not sure I would invite all of those people to the 2nd birthday.

FWIW, I had never heard of LOD until joining The Bump. I love their stuff but they were supposed to give me a credit for a nursery bedding set that I returned and somehow ended up charging me 2 more times! I was pissed.