@ WWYD re: wedding

[Deleted]

I'm asking here bc I need other opinions bc I have no idea, haha.

H is a groomsman in a wedding for his college roommate. It's June 24 (a Sunday). The ceremony is at 3 and I assume the reception is to follow. I think it looks fancy (the invitation was certainly the fanciest I have ever received) but am not sure.

It's being held here so Philly/NJ people let me know how fancy this is:
www.mansiononmainstreet.com/

Anyway, as noted, H is a groomsman so he has to be there Saturday night for the RD and then obviously the wedding on Sunday. There has been mention of golfing on Sunday before the wedding which sounds disastrous to me (this is the one friend of H that I am actually worried for at his bachelor party, I think the groom may actually need his stomach pumped or worse. He's just.....crazy and was stressing last JULY because his brother hadn't started planning his bachelor party yet. For his JUNE wedding.) I digress.

So should I go or not? Should I ask if I can bring the baby? He'll be, at most, 6 weeks by then and I am planning on BFing. Right now I would say I have a 50/50 chance of a c-section (my doctor gave me the choice between being induced or a csection and I chose to be induced next week if he doesnt come before then, but she made it clear that there is a real chance I'll need a c-section anyway.) So I'm not sure if I'll even physically FEEL like going (I dont know, I've never been through childbirth and recovery!) I won't go if I can't bring the baby but I might still go to NJ for the weekend so H isn't alone but if hes out golfing or whatever then I'll just be alone (also I admit I'm a little scared about H at this wedding without me.....) But also the idea of taking a newborn to a wedding sounds like no fun at all and like a surefire way for the bride to take to the knot and scream and wail about me.

Should I just stay home and enjoy the weekend alone? Or rather, the weekend at my parents, bc I am not staying home alone with the dogs and baby since it'd be a huge PITA to deal with the dogs?

[pixy0stix]

6 weeks out you should be good to go out. The baby will be pliant and will sleep anywhere. I was worried about going out with a newborn, but really it's easy. It gets harder the older they get.

[msmerymac]

When do you have to RSVP? I'd probably hold off until the last possible day. You should actually have an "outside baby" (god, that sounds cheesy when I type it) then, and know if you had a c-section, and know how you're feeling.

I wouldn't worry about your H too much. I mean, golf and a wedding? People drink at weddings and it's college friends, but since it's a nice place, hopefully they won't be puking on their shoes, even without you there.

[Deleted]

I would book a hotel for the weekend nearby and bring a purty dress. If you're up to going, then go. If not, order room service and enjoy free housekeeping while H goes.

[copzgirl1171]

I am in the don't go camp, but I am relatively socially inept so it would be a good out for me

[eclaires]

I agree w/ pixy. Could you bring the baby and have your mom come with you to watch him even?

We've done that before and it was super easy.

[doctorwho]

I wouldn't take a newborn to a wedding. You mean to the ceremony & reception? No way. You can't control volume- neither the baby at the ceremony nor the DJ at the reception.

[Deleted]

Meh, I don't think anyone would have a problem with a new mother deciding she wasn't feeling up to it at the last minute, especially as her H will be there to make her excuses.

It would be an entirely different matter if she said she wasn't going and showed up.

[redheadbaker]

At six weeks out, while I physically felt fine, I wasn't ready for anything "bigger" than going to visit my parents, 10 miles away. If it were me, I'd skip the wedding.

[marie427]

May 11, 2012 11:33:16 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

May 11, 2012 11:32:10 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

I would book a hotel for the weekend nearby and bring a purty dress. If you're up to going, then go. If not, order room service and enjoy free housekeeping while H goes.

I'm assuming she has to RSVP to the wedding in which case she can't just decide not to go. Or she could, but it would be super rude.

Agreed. Though if that's what it comes down to, be prepared to give a verrrrrry generous gift due to the no-show.

[Deleted]

Ha word has just come down that it's no kids. I could have H's mom come down and babysit in the hotel while I go but I didnt want to worry about pumping and a supply and all that before then.

Oh, and re: the drinking? yeah, this will be a disaster. It's not going to be a "get drunk and dance" kind of thing. the groom is the only guy I know who has done shots of the " new Jersey turnpike" (which sounds so gross lol.) Plus the last wedding we went to, DH actually did puke on his shoes. Or narrowly missed them. Because I left him alone for a half hour and the bride's mother called him a wimp for not doing the shots of vodka with smoked herring. You can see the worry, although at least H would be able to stumble back to his hotel room hopefully. the groom?? I am honestly not sure.

[laurenpetro]

i don't think i'd bring a baby to that place. if you're really on the fence, go for HAB's suggestion about the room service.

[marie427]

You should tell your H to tell the groom the situation and ask when the last possible date for them to know exactly how many people will be there - I've found that in general, payment is due about a week prior to the event, give or take. The groom knows your H will be there so hopefully he can be flexible with you guys and allow you to wait until that last possible date to confirm whether you're attending or not. If it's a week before, you should have a better idea of how you'll feel for the wedding.

[marie427]

Just read mrsbecky's last response. Sounds like you're better off staying home or if you really just want the time away from home, stay in a hotel with the baby and order room service.

[ladybug2002]

I wouldn't go... especially if you think your husband is going to end up blitzed. You being sober and having to take care of the baby while he is passed out drunk and probably hungover the next day sounds like an invitation for a fight, lol.

[brit1017]

I wouldn't go. I don't tend to love weddings where everyone gets wasted to begin with b/c I'm not a huge drinker, so I would definitely opt out. Plus DS was an awful sleeper for awhile, so I was a zombie at around that point.

[Deleted]

LOL SBP. It was a Polish-Italian wedding, and it was a disaster from the get-go for H. The only thing that saved him was the boyfriend of one of the bridesmaids who got significantly MORE drunk and fell in the bathroom and got a concussion and almost bled all over the bride's dress.

I think you all are right and I should probably plan on just not going and staying home. I feel bad for H (who will get drunk but I'm not worried about him going to the hospital. I AM worried about the groom. He's insane but he'll be his wife's problem by then, ha). But just planning on not going will probably be the easiest thing in the end, even though I feel bad for missing it.

[Deleted]

Given the new information, I wouldn't go. It sounds like the kind of event you can only enjoy if you're young and can drink yourself stupid. Watching everyone else drink while you tend a baby or knowing you'll have to tend a baby later seems like an exercise in irritation. Also, the last thing you want is your H to stumble back drunk at three in the morning and wake you guys up.

[msmerymac]

May 11, 2012 11:37:52 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

Plus the last wedding we went to, DH actually did puke on his shoes. Or narrowly missed them.

Ha! Okay, then I change my mind. I hate babysitting my husband when he's significantly drunker than me regardless, and I don't even have a newborn. Stay home. Having to take care of the baby alone for a few days sounds easier than having to take care of both of them (or maybe your mom can come stay with you if she's not going to be staying with you sooner).

[ttt]

I would not go. It will be very annoying to babysit a newborn AND a drunk husband. Stay home and relax.