I don't know what to do :o(

[Deleted]

J got a call early this afternoon as we were at Target, it was obviously bad, I thought her mom had gotten into an accident or something. Since she couldn't speak I had to guess at what was going on, I finally guessed the right person but not what had happened. I wasn't sure what to do so I hugged her, she whispered "she's in a better place now", I almost dropped to my knees at the weight of her words.

J's cousin who she regards as a sister passed away when her heart stopped this morning, she was in her 30's. We found out a few months ago that she'd gotten back into drugs after being sober for nearly a year, an autopsy has yet to be done but I think she may have OD'd.

I am awful in situations like this, comforting words don't come easily to me and I never know what to do. I am home with the kids while J and her family grieve with her aunt and other cousin but I have no idea how to handle it when she gets home.

[ElsaVonM]

You do know what to do. You just have to trust yourself. You know your wife. Don't feel like you have to offer a lot of words - just let her talk if she needs that, hug if she needs that, space if she needs that. She knows you are there for her. You will be a comforting presence for her, just by virtue of your history together.

[ct]

I agree with leap. There aren't any magic words, just being there and offering support.

and (because you've mentioned it recently) I'd keep an eye out since high stress/emotional times can be triggering for folks new to sobriety.

best wishes.

[never2amazing]

Ditto to the above. ((Hugs))

[bluedaisyus]

I don't have anything to add but more hugs. I'm so sorry.

[seattlekari]

Ditto the PP's and hugs to all of you during this difficult time.

[Deleted]

Nov 15, 2012 8:13:29 GMT -5 ct said:

I agree with leap. There aren't any magic words, just being there and offering support.

and (because you've mentioned it recently) I'd keep an eye out since high stress/emotional times can be triggering for folks new to sobriety.

best wishes.

Last night she posted on FB that she wanted to drink and drink and drink until she didn't feel anything anymore.

[lv79]

Hugs and hang in there!!!

[kershnic]

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. The little things matter - if there's a chore she hates, do it for her, if she has a favorite meal, cook it. Let her know you love her and want to support her whatever it is that she needs.

As for the drinking concerns - is she connected with aa or any other support network related to alcoholism? I think the best thing you can do is be aware of this being a triggering time and help her use alternative coping skills.

[hensmum]

So sorry your family is going through this. Hang in there.

[hlke]

Oh butterfly, I am so sorry. ((HUGS)) How is J doing? How are you holding up?