Happy Friday! I am all the more grateful for my office and WFH after being out in person the last 4 days. It's the worst, lol. Back to hermiting.
I have an appt. at 2 to check the fit of my contacts. So far I am not impressed or I don't think they're right. They seem hazy or blurry around the edges or something. And when I get closer to my eyeball (like, putting on makeup or something) its harder to see.
It's going to rain all weekend again. We haven't had a Saturday baseball game yet because its rained every single one. I wouldn't say I'm upset about that exactly but I am annoyed that we can't do other outdoor things!
Tonight I'm guessing we're just staying in. Tomorrow night we have a 40th birthday party. All of H's HS friends are turning 40 this year (he was first, so I got that over with!) so this is just one in a string of them.
mpc For me, this scenario would be an indicator of how emotionally taken care of I would feel in the relationship.
I couldn't care less about a donut, but if I was already feeling disconnected from my spouse, already feeling like an afterthought, already feeling like my needs weren't being met in any other part of the relationship, the donut would be one more thing. One small example of thoughtlessness from the one who's supposed to be your partner. And it might just be the small thing that would push it over the edge.
In celebration of Friday, I have a good WWYD situation that comes from a friend:
Your daughter just turned 15 and is interested in her learner's permit. You have a very demanding job and travel often. Before you go on a business trip this week, you find out that your MIL - who you like - texted your DD (but not you or your H) to volunteer to teach her to drive. You talk to your H, a stay-at-home dad, and tell him that you think that's overstepping and that you'd really prefer to teach her yourself or have him teach her. Before you leave, you take her out for her first drive, but when you come back, you find out that MIL has taken her out, too. Your H says he didn't say anything to his mother because he didn't want to have a "conflict," - even though MIL is not the type to make a deal out of things, and he doesn't really want to teach her himself. Would you be mad at MIL? DH? Not care?
As someone who has a child learning to drive, take the help where you can because it sucks. And if the one parent is gone a lot and it will fall on the other parent to do the bulk of it, the more the better. So I don’t understand why she feels strongly that it’s an overreach unless the mil is a terrible driver or something. I shared this on here recently, but I am not super comfortable teaching my son to drive so it’s falling on my H who is also gone a lot. I’ve also asked my dad to help him and if my H gave me pushback on that that would be an argument I would take up.
But clearly that’s not how she feels. So if she told her H then it was up to him to tell his mom no thank you. So unless he did that and mil asked the granddaughter knowing that I don’t see any reason to be mad at MIL, just H.
In celebration of Friday, I have a good WWYD situation that comes from a friend:
Your daughter just turned 15 and is interested in her learner's permit. You have a very demanding job and travel often. Before you go on a business trip this week, you find out that your MIL - who you like - texted your DD (but not you or your H) to volunteer to teach her to drive. You talk to your H, a stay-at-home dad, and tell him that you think that's overstepping and that you'd really prefer to teach her yourself or have him teach her. Before you leave, you take her out for her first drive, but when you come back, you find out that MIL has taken her out, too. Your H says he didn't say anything to his mother because he didn't want to have a "conflict," - even though MIL is not the type to make a deal out of things, and he doesn't really want to teach her himself. Would you be mad at MIL? DH? Not care?
Hmmm. This is tough.
The MIL absolutely overstepped by texting the daughter and not the parents.
But the fact that your friend likes her MIL, and presumably normally has a good relationship, influences my thoughts here.
My son just got his permit, and he needs 6 months of practice with the permit, and 65 hours/10 in bad weather, to test for his license. So I'm thinking about needing similar requirements in your friend's shoes. I also have a MIL that I generally like, but who has a history of overstepping. So I definitely understand having a knee jerk reaction here. If I were your friend, with a demanding job and a SAH spouse that doesn't want to do the teaching, I would consider a few things before responding:
1. If MIL had offered in a normal way, to the parents first, would I have objected? Or is my issue with the way she went about it, and my subsequent desire to teach her not to overstep in that way? 2. Would I feel comfortable with MIL helping DD bank hours, AFTER X hours of instruction from a parent or paid driving instruction? 3. Can I afford a few paid sessions with a driving school to get the basics down to make sure she is ready to go with MIL?
In my case, I think my biggest objection would be the way she went about it, not the act itself. I, personally, think I would talk to my MIL and tell her that for something this big, I really want the initial instruction to come from us or a paid instructor, and that I don't want her to plan driving sessions with my kid without running it past us first.
And then I would offer that we want to get X hours in with parents (or X lessons with an instructor), and then would be OK with my kid getting practice in with MIL if she wants someone to drive her around.
Again. I'm basing this on you saying that they have a good relationship otherwise. I'd want to preserve that. I think I'd assume good intent and try to reach a compromise.
In celebration of Friday, I have a good WWYD situation that comes from a friend:
Your daughter just turned 15 and is interested in her learner's permit. You have a very demanding job and travel often. Before you go on a business trip this week, you find out that your MIL - who you like - texted your DD (but not you or your H) to volunteer to teach her to drive. You talk to your H, a stay-at-home dad, and tell him that you think that's overstepping and that you'd really prefer to teach her yourself or have him teach her. Before you leave, you take her out for her first drive, but when you come back, you find out that MIL has taken her out, too. Your H says he didn't say anything to his mother because he didn't want to have a "conflict," - even though MIL is not the type to make a deal out of things, and he doesn't really want to teach her himself. Would you be mad at MIL? DH? Not care?
I don’t know about being mad per se, but I wouldn’t not care. I am a few weeks away from teaching DD and have already not so jokingly told XH - who is a horrible driver - that I got this. I have had a couple other people, including my father, offer to teach her and I have basically said “I’ll let you know if we need it. At least until she is comfortable it will just be me.” This is one of those times where you have every right to play the “my kid, my decision” card, and maybe you just need to talk to DH about supporting you on this….which I know is easier said than done, unfortunately.
A car parked outside of a neighbor's house this morning had the license plate AL GORE, and it definitely wasn't the actual Al Gore getting out of the car. I don't have anything against the man, but I'm a little mystified that anyone felt strongly enough about him to put his name on their license plate.
It's supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend, perfect stay home and be cozy weather, but no, we've got stuff going on pretty much all weekend. Wah.
I want this guy to actually be named Al Gore, but have *such* a chip on his shoulder that it’s a famous name.
Yes! I'm picturing an Office Space/Michael Bolton situation.
DS has his second to last IB test this afternoon, and his last Monday. Tuesday is AP Lang. He is excused from classes on testing days, so this really equals a long 5 day weekend for him! There are only a few tests and events on the calendar for him this year after this, and the seniors are all gone (so he has some very small classes now)- it feels like summer will be here in a blink.
We are replacing our water heater today. Our current water heater is 20 years old and still chugging along great, no problems at all. But it's a big huge massive problem to insurance companies and around here insurance companies make the rules, so here we go. The plumber doing the replacement seems impressed. But, sadly, the company that made this one is no longer as reliable- so we'll be lucky to get 10 years with our next.
Our stupid fire alarms went off last night, when these things go they are so obnoxious (Fire! Fire! Fire detected!). We started by unplugging the CO detectors, because they are usually the culprits- but it seems like it was the regular smoke detector in our room. These are only a few years old, so I'm not happy to be replacing it (especially with another exact match), but it doesn't seem to be an external issue- so here we go. Home ownership is fun!
My H stopped and picked up donuts this morning for teacher appreciation week. He got an extra half dozen so our kids could each have one before school. That left 3 extra. All 3 were his favorite. It didn't even occur to him to get something for me. I asked if he even knew what my favorite donut is and he said no. Is this.... just normal? On the one hand, it's no big deal, I didn't really need a donut anyway, and I could eat one of his if I really wanted to. But on the other hand, it's just another small way for me to feel like he doesn't know me or think about me. Am I reading too much into a donut?
I don't think you are reading too much into it, this was thoughtless and that is hurtful. My dh is terrible about a lot of things concerning going out of his way to be thoughtful, but at least whenever food is involved, if he's stopping to get something for himself or the kids, he will text me to ask if I wanted something. If I didn't respond or said 'just get me what I usually get' he would not have any clue what to get me probably, whereas I know what to get him from almost everywhere (though I do still ask sometimes in case he wants something different), but to not be asked/considered would be hurtful.
This morning was our school's Fun Run fundraiser and its always such a fun event. I got to watch as my DS and tiki 's DD run/skip holding hands around the track. Its so funny that we posted here for years before realizing we're neighbors in real life and now our kids became good buddies on their own. Such a bizarrely small world.
In celebration of Friday, I have a good WWYD situation that comes from a friend:
Your daughter just turned 15 and is interested in her learner's permit. You have a very demanding job and travel often. Before you go on a business trip this week, you find out that your MIL - who you like - texted your DD (but not you or your H) to volunteer to teach her to drive. You talk to your H, a stay-at-home dad, and tell him that you think that's overstepping and that you'd really prefer to teach her yourself or have him teach her. Before you leave, you take her out for her first drive, but when you come back, you find out that MIL has taken her out, too. Your H says he didn't say anything to his mother because he didn't want to have a "conflict," - even though MIL is not the type to make a deal out of things, and he doesn't really want to teach her himself. Would you be mad at MIL? DH? Not care?
I would be mad at dh. Sounds like MIL didn't know either the mom or dad preferred her not to take the girl out to drive, so I wouldn't be mad at her, although I do get slightly annoyed when the grandparents text my kids about plans without including me (mostly because my kids don't KNOW their schedule/my plans and might respond yes to something they can't actually do or just makes my life more annoying).
But if the mom doesn't have time to teach the daughter often, and the husband doesn't actually want to, it sounds like a communication issue between the parents. If the mom DOES have time, it's just a matter of making the time (she did already take her out once), then the dh should back his spouse and say something to his mom.
I have an appt. at 2 to check the fit of my contacts. So far I am not impressed or I don't think they're right. They seem hazy or blurry around the edges or something. And when I get closer to my eyeball (like, putting on makeup or something) its harder to see.
I don’t think should be blurry in the edges but when I am wearing my contacts and get very very close to the mirror it much blurrier than it is when I don’t have them in. I’m super nearsighted but sometimes it’s easier to do mascara/eyeliner without them.
Team DH needs to get donuts everyone likes and knows your preference.
I would be upset about the driving situation esp since the husband didn’t tell the wife. Not telling is like lying to me.
I called out of work. I felt like crap when I went to bed and didn’t sleep well. There’s nothing pressing, so I don’t feel bad at all. Yesterday was such a shit travel day.
I went to CVS and somehow got 2 things of toothpaste, mascara and lip stuff for E’s pictures and only paid $7 plus got $6 back in coupons/CVS cash. 😳 I had a bunch of coupons and cash back on my CVS card.
I am so ready for the weekend, this work week has been horrible. I can't wait to get a message from HR next week about my OT, they always ask if it is correct and make me feel guilty but this is what happens when you won't hire anyone!
The weather has been mostly beautiful this week, I reeeeally want to get flowers this weekend for my planters but it's New England so I'm always worried about a late freeze. I might just take the plunge and call it my MD gift to myself...
My H stopped and picked up donuts this morning for teacher appreciation week. He got an extra half dozen so our kids could each have one before school. That left 3 extra. All 3 were his favorite. It didn't even occur to him to get something for me. I asked if he even knew what my favorite donut is and he said no. Is this.... just normal? On the one hand, it's no big deal, I didn't really need a donut anyway, and I could eat one of his if I really wanted to. But on the other hand, it's just another small way for me to feel like he doesn't know me or think about me. Am I reading too much into a donut?
Nope, that’s shitty. He bought 3 extra donuts and didn’t get one for you? It would be one thing if he guessed your favorite and got it wrong, at least points for trying. But if he specifically got 3 of his favorite and none for you, I’d be pissed.
It’s like Homer buying Marge a bowling ball for her birthday.
Does he think you don’t like donuts? My H knows sweets are my currency and he would never dare come home without a donut for me.
In celebration of Friday, I have a good WWYD situation that comes from a friend:
Your daughter just turned 15 and is interested in her learner's permit. You have a very demanding job and travel often. Before you go on a business trip this week, you find out that your MIL - who you like - texted your DD (but not you or your H) to volunteer to teach her to drive. You talk to your H, a stay-at-home dad, and tell him that you think that's overstepping and that you'd really prefer to teach her yourself or have him teach her. Before you leave, you take her out for her first drive, but when you come back, you find out that MIL has taken her out, too. Your H says he didn't say anything to his mother because he didn't want to have a "conflict," - even though MIL is not the type to make a deal out of things, and he doesn't really want to teach her himself. Would you be mad at MIL? DH? Not care?
As someone who has a child learning to drive, take the help where you can because it sucks. And if the one parent is gone a lot and it will fall on the other parent to do the bulk of it, the more the better. So I don’t understand why she feels strongly that it’s an overreach unless the mil is a terrible driver or something. I shared this on here recently, but I am not super comfortable teaching my son to drive so it’s falling on my H who is also gone a lot. I’ve also asked my dad to help him and if my H gave me pushback on that that would be an argument I would take up.
But clearly that’s not how she feels. So if she told her H then it was up to him to tell his mom no thank you. So unless he did that and mil asked the granddaughter knowing that I don’t see any reason to be mad at MIL, just H.
I am all for grandparents assisting with teaching a teen to drive, I think it's good to learn different styles and techniques. But, the grandparent needs to ask the parents first, not the teen. And the DH should have said something, it didn't need to be anything stirring up any conflict, just "hey we want to be the ones that start the teaching, maybe later in the learning process you can help as well".
So, my take on my friend's student driver situation - knowing everyone involved really well - is that I'd be irked at her H, but mostly because I would feel like my voice wasn't being heard and powerless because I had to be out of town but still wasn't able to influence the situation. I think MIL could have just been told, thanks for asking mom, and we'll keep you posted - it would not have been a conflict. But I think the deeper issue is probably that she thinks her H "should be" doing this as the stay-at-home parent (there is tension around her picking up a lot of home/parenting tasks as well as working). I personally plan to yeet my DS at my mom if she's willing to teach him or hire someone to teach him how to drive, but I think my friend saw this as a rite of passage with a father thing, probably because she had that with her dad. I feel like MIL gets a pass.
ETA: I hope never to be in this actual situation, as my MIL is 84 and hasn't driven once in the 18 years I've known her 😂
Post by soccermama on May 10, 2024 11:03:27 GMT -5
Um, as soon as I can talk to DH today, I'm going to straight up ask him IF he were to pick up donuts (which will likely never happen), would he make sure to get me one and one that I would especially prefer??
Whatever his answer, is going to determine if this weekend goes nicely or badly. lol.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on May 10, 2024 11:06:32 GMT -5
My dh is randomly home today, so I asked him about the donuts, and he said he'd ask each member of the family what they wanted. I pointed out that I KNEW what each member of the family would want, so I asked him to guess, and he was wrong on all of us, although he did point out I don't often eat donuts and when I do I change up what I eat, which is true. I also randomly asked him to pick out what chips I would buy from the entire chip aisle, and he guessed something I WOULD eat, but not what I would pick. And then when I told him what I would pick, he was like, ew gross, you like those? (Funions or Sweet Spicy Doritos (the purple bag). It made me lol, but again, he would ask, and I pointed out I could def. pick for him and do every week, and he was like yeah but I have much simpler tastes.
In other news, after making a reservation with my mom last night for mother's day dinner, she called today and was like, can we just do pizza at your house instead? And I was like, 1. I don't want to have to clean to be at our house, and 2. we're getting pizza sat. night because ds is having a friend over. And she was like, but I really want pizza. So now we are going to a crappy pizza restaurant near us that has other food too instead of somewhere I actually wanted to go.
Post by Patsy Baloney on May 10, 2024 11:12:54 GMT -5
In a reverse uno donut situation, this morning DD and I stopped for donuts on the way to school. It’s literally 2 minutes from her school and we’ve been scheming all school year to get up and leave a little earlier so we can have donut breakfast together to start the day.
I bought 6 donuts, 2 she likes, 2 I like, 2 H likes, and delivered his back home.
It’s not just about the donuts - it’s thoughtless AF to get yourself a little treaty treat, bring it back to a communal living space for consumption, and get nothing for your significant other. When things like that happen to me, I always feel like I’m just a side character in someone’s life. Nope. This ho is a headliner and demands to be treated as such.
ETA: my H is far from perfect and has treated me like shit plenty, but he knows my fav donuts by vendor 🤣 it changes depending on where you’re buying!
So, my take on my friend's student driver situation - knowing everyone involved really well - is that I'd be irked at her H, but mostly because I would feel like my voice wasn't being heard and powerless because I had to be out of town but still wasn't able to influence the situation. I think MIL could have just been told, thanks for asking mom, and we'll keep you posted - it would not have been a conflict. But I think the deeper issue is probably that she thinks her H "should be" doing this as the stay-at-home parent (there is tension around her picking up a lot of home/parenting tasks as well as working). I personally plan to yeet my DS at my mom if she's willing to teach him or hire someone to teach him how to drive, but I think my friend saw this as a rite of passage with a father thing, probably because she had that with her dad. I feel like MIL gets a pass.
ETA: I hope never to be in this actual situation, as my MIL is 84 and hasn't driven once in the 18 years I've known her 😂
I wouldn’t care if MIL reached out to my kids directly. I’m actually encouraging her to do that more. They have devices, she knows the numbers, call them and quit calling me. I don’t feel the need to micromanage their relationship. And the more the merrier when it comes to teaching them to drive.
As a SAHP, I’d be pissed of H told me something was my job just because I’m home. It sounds like there are deeper issues, but that part stuck out to me.
H knows I don’t care for donuts so I wouldn’t care, but if he got cookies or candy and didn’t get a single thing I liked I would be pissed and let him know.
Post by soccermama on May 10, 2024 11:21:29 GMT -5
Now all I can think about is donuts.....:-)
Anyway, I have basically slept terribly the last 2 nights, but instead of using a sick day today, I came in and actually had a really good check-in with my boss. So that was great. Asked if I could leave mid-afternoon because my son has a play at school tonight, my mom is coming up & I am so behind on personal errands. Boss was totally cool with, so yayyyyy. Now I need to make to-do list!
I have an appt. at 2 to check the fit of my contacts. So far I am not impressed or I don't think they're right. They seem hazy or blurry around the edges or something. And when I get closer to my eyeball (like, putting on makeup or something) its harder to see.
I don’t think should be blurry in the edges but when I am wearing my contacts and get very very close to the mirror it much blurrier than it is when I don’t have them in. I’m super nearsighted but sometimes it’s easier to do mascara/eyeliner without them.
It doesn’t sound like they are 100% right though!
Good to hear that the blurrier up close part might be normal then!
I can't really describe whats going on here but it just doesn't feel 100% right. They are not uncomfortable or anything at least! She did say that b/c I have astigmatism that they won't be as clear as classes so maybe that's just whats happening and I haven't adjusted, IDK. We'll see.
My H stopped and picked up donuts this morning for teacher appreciation week. He got an extra half dozen so our kids could each have one before school. That left 3 extra. All 3 were his favorite. It didn't even occur to him to get something for me. I asked if he even knew what my favorite donut is and he said no. Is this.... just normal? On the one hand, it's no big deal, I didn't really need a donut anyway, and I could eat one of his if I really wanted to. But on the other hand, it's just another small way for me to feel like he doesn't know me or think about me. Am I reading too much into a donut?
If you're the poster I'm thinking of, I don't think this is really about the donut. In isolation, sure, maybe the donut is not a big deal, but I think what you're really expressing is that your H doesn't think about you much. I have been in a relationship like this, and could have seen myself similarly questioning whether I was overreacting about a donut. But the issue wasn't the individual donut, it was a pattern of donuts and other things. Sorry you're dealing with this!
Post by maudefindlay on May 10, 2024 11:29:12 GMT -5
Another thought to consider on the MIL Driver's Training is that if the kid is driving MIL's car and if they are driving it more than a time or two a month they might need to be added to her insurance policy. Curious why the Dad won't help, nerves? I'm an anxious soul, but have let DS1 drive me whenever he is in the car since he got his permit mid April and it definitely has gotten better, I even have him pull into and out of the garage.
DH will be home from Mexico tomorrow night, I'll enjoy one more night of our bed all to myself! Today is his bday, but we celebrated before he left. No big plans this weekend, just track practice and relaxing on Sunday as I'm sure DH will be tired. I already know my MD gift is a spa gift certificate as I saw it on our bank site. DH will also get whatever take out I want and watch a movie with me, so should be a perfect day especially when we split some wine.
And just like the donuts aren't really about the donuts, the MIL thing isn't about the MIL or driving practice. It's that she asked her H specifically to do a thing and he decided he knew better without a conversation.
I have been applying to jobs off and on since January. I'm not getting any traction and getting discouraged.
I found a good listing to apply to today, and am taking a fresh look at my resume. It... was not as good as I thought it was. I updated it in January, and then I just named two different versions of it ("publications" and "communications") based on which type of job I was applying to. And then didn't really look at it again. I'm realizing now that I didn't fully flesh out the publications one. It was OK, but I didn't have any achievements at all under my most recent/relevant job. Crap. At least I realized and am fixing it.
Hopefully the better resume will get some attention now. Wish me luck.
I don’t think should be blurry in the edges but when I am wearing my contacts and get very very close to the mirror it much blurrier than it is when I don’t have them in. I’m super nearsighted but sometimes it’s easier to do mascara/eyeliner without them.
It doesn’t sound like they are 100% right though!
Good to hear that the blurrier up close part might be normal then!
I can't really describe whats going on here but it just doesn't feel 100% right. They are not uncomfortable or anything at least! She did say that b/c I have astigmatism that they won't be as clear as classes so maybe that's just whats happening and I haven't adjusted, IDK. We'll see.
Good luck!
I have astigmatism and actually wear hard contacts which get me to better vision than I was able to with soft ones. They are harder to get used to but I think I see better with them than I can with glasses. But my BFF has astigmatism and loves her soft lens so I know you can get them right. I think having to tweak them isn’t uncommon, especially at first. I had to last year and I’ve been wearing them since I was 11!
Post by emilyinchile on May 10, 2024 12:03:50 GMT -5
I just finished (well, need to proofread, but I'm taking a break before I do that) a work project that is SO out of my wheelhouse, and I swear I can feel my brain hurting. It's kind of annoying because it's something that takes me forever and is really hard, and the whole time I'm doing it I know that my boss, who is an expert in this, is going to change at least 99.9% if not the whole 100% of what I'm doing, which makes it kind of difficult to find the motivation. But I try to focus on a) I'm learning a new skill and b) my boss pays for my time, if he wants me to spend it taking hours to do something he's going to destroy and then redo himself way faster then hey, that's his choice.