Post by 1confused1 on May 10, 2024 12:10:38 GMT -5
Not donut related 😆
Last year I enrolled in a debt consolidation program and I was scared to death but really had no other option. I am so glad I went this route. Yes, my credit is in the crapper right now but I was served a summons two days ago and they have already resolved the case with the creditor. It feels so good to have a plan.
H has been putting in a lot of work to do better. I see it and I appreciate it. So then the donuts happen and I feel like I'm not supposed to let it bother me. I don't know. maybe I should ask for donuts for mother's day lol!
My H stopped and picked up donuts this morning for teacher appreciation week. He got an extra half dozen so our kids could each have one before school. That left 3 extra. All 3 were his favorite. It didn't even occur to him to get something for me. I asked if he even knew what my favorite donut is and he said no. Is this.... just normal? On the one hand, it's no big deal, I didn't really need a donut anyway, and I could eat one of his if I really wanted to. But on the other hand, it's just another small way for me to feel like he doesn't know me or think about me. Am I reading too much into a donut?
If you're the poster I'm thinking of, I don't think this is really about the donut. In isolation, sure, maybe the donut is not a big deal, but I think what you're really expressing is that your H doesn't think about you much. I have been in a relationship like this, and could have seen myself similarly questioning whether I was overreacting about a donut. But the issue wasn't the individual donut, it was a pattern of donuts and other things. Sorry you're dealing with this!
For me it wasn't donuts but potato chips. I don't eat chips a lot, but when I have a sub (grinder, hero, whatever your region calls it), I MUST HAVE chips. It's non-negotiable. Yet anytime STBX picked up subs for us, he didn't get chips because he doesn't need them. I would protest every time, and pretty much he still never remembered them. Or, he would decide he wanted some but get a flavor I hate. It was never about the chips and there were a million things wrong in our marriage for the same reason he forgot the chips, he either forgot or didn't consider what I like or what makes me happy when making a decision.
Patsy Baloney, congrats to your girls about their award. I got my Gold award so I've long been frustrated by the difference in perception. It's a great accomplishment for them.
A car parked outside of a neighbor's house this morning had the license plate AL GORE, and it definitely wasn't the actual Al Gore getting out of the car. I don't have anything against the man, but I'm a little mystified that anyone felt strongly enough about him to put his name on their license plate.
It's supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend, perfect stay home and be cozy weather, but no, we've got stuff going on pretty much all weekend. Wah.
Re: Donuts. I actually know exactly what my H would do, because this came up a couple of weeks ago. He texted me and asked if I even wanted a donut (we'd had a lot of sweets lately) and then he texted me pictures of all the donut cases so I could pick. Then he bought two of the same, just in case.
Unfortunately, this was a new donut shop we'd never had before and they were literally the worst donuts we've had in our entire lives (not even kidding). But they also came with a funny side story involving a duck trying to break into the donut shop, so still worth it I guess.
Re: Not donuts. My SIL is texting me and my sister out of the blue gossipy updates about our brothers health, and it's 90% information he already told me when he called me the other day. But I guess it's good to know he's not really lying anymore. She's also sending me all sorts of info about the aurora tonight, because I am in an area where it might be visible.
In celebration of Friday, I have a good WWYD situation that comes from a friend:
Your daughter just turned 15 and is interested in her learner's permit. You have a very demanding job and travel often. Before you go on a business trip this week, you find out that your MIL - who you like - texted your DD (but not you or your H) to volunteer to teach her to drive. You talk to your H, a stay-at-home dad, and tell him that you think that's overstepping and that you'd really prefer to teach her yourself or have him teach her. Before you leave, you take her out for her first drive, but when you come back, you find out that MIL has taken her out, too. Your H says he didn't say anything to his mother because he didn't want to have a "conflict," - even though MIL is not the type to make a deal out of things, and he doesn't really want to teach her himself. Would you be mad at MIL? DH? Not care?
I wouldn't be mad. I can see you wanting to take her for her first drive, but not dictating that your husband do it.
If you're the poster I'm thinking of, I don't think this is really about the donut. In isolation, sure, maybe the donut is not a big deal, but I think what you're really expressing is that your H doesn't think about you much. I have been in a relationship like this, and could have seen myself similarly questioning whether I was overreacting about a donut. But the issue wasn't the individual donut, it was a pattern of donuts and other things. Sorry you're dealing with this!
For me it wasn't donuts but potato chips. I don't eat chips a lot, but when I have a sub (grinder, hero, whatever your region calls it), I MUST HAVE chips. It's non-negotiable. Yet anytime STBX picked up subs for us, he didn't get chips because he doesn't need them. I would protest every time, and pretty much he still never remembered them. Or, he would decide he wanted some but get a flavor I hate. It was never about the chips and there were a million things wrong in our marriage for the same reason he forgot the chips, he either forgot or didn't consider what I like or what makes me happy when making a decision.
It's taken me being in a much better relationship to fully understand how much it's not about the donut or the chips or whatever. For example - recently, my partner picked up lunch for himself from one of my favorite lunch places while he was out running another errand, and when he got home, I was like, "wait, why didn't you get me anything?!" He apologized and said he realized he should have as soon as he walked in the door, but he'd actually forgotten I was at home while picking up lunch, since I'm usually at work during lunch time and he's 100% WFH. He offered to share his with me or run out and get my favorite, but I said it was okay. I was a little sad to not have one of my favorite lunches, but it was easy for me to let the oversight go, since it's really an anomaly for him to not think about what I might want/need in this relationship. But in my last relationship, I could totally see a situation like this blowing up, because I would have felt unseen and uncared about, and he would have felt like I was making a big deal about nothing.
Post by midwestmama on May 10, 2024 12:48:17 GMT -5
Speaking of kids getting their learner's permit, DH is taking DS this afternoon so DS can get his permit. My MIL should know better than to ask/offer to drive with DS, so thankfully I don't have to worry about that situation. I don't even know how much we'll need to ask anyone to drive with DS, as DS will be getting his hours in by driving to his sports games and practices, which DH or I would have to be the one driving him (if he wasn't able to drive).
I am so ready for the weekend. It's been a week. I need to do some yardwork this weekend and cleaning around the house. Mother's Day will be low-key, we're just having my parents over for lunch on Sunday.
dochas, not me but good point! I personally think she has a lot of built up feelings about workload in the house but it's not really my business! She asked me if I thought she was wrong to be mad and I do not but I also don't have a child that age so I haven't been through it yet!
Post by lilypad1126 on May 10, 2024 12:51:21 GMT -5
Donuts: my H would have to ask me what my fave is, but he'd definitely get me one. He knows I have an obsession with sweets, and he has a decent idea of what I like on the regular, but we don't regularly get donuts. He does randomly come home from the store with a discount slice of cake/pie/whatever for me as a surprise treat b/c he knows how much I enjoy it.
Contacts: beerlover, I have terrible eyes, and really bad astigmatism. I wear Acuvue Daily contacts. i've never had them be blurry, unless they aren't sitting right in my eyes. Usually a little rubbing my eye will fix that. Definitely talk to your eye doc, and if you want to wear contacts, don't let this deter you, you just might not have the right ones yet.
Other random: I started PT this morning for my frozen shoulder and it was alright. She kept commenting how i'm "hypermobile" and how we should work on my other should to fix that issue, and I'm like no thanks, that's not an issue, lol. I get that it probably actual is an issue, but I barely want to be there for my real issue, so let's not go crazy here, haha. But at least I only have to fit it in once a week for now, plus do a few at home stretches.
Today has been a very annoying day of work, after a very long and tiring week. I'm over it. I never want to supervise techs or work on this specific project again!
I'm done with meetings and the tasks I really wanted to get done, now I'm sitting on a comfy chair under a blanket and just sporadically checking email. Very checked out.
H leaves for Utah on Monday, then DD1 and I will follow on Tuesday! I'm planning to take some time Monday morning to get my nails done as a little post mother's day treat before we leave.
H has been putting in a lot of work to do better. I see it and I appreciate it. So then the donuts happen and I feel like I'm not supposed to let it bother me. I don't know. maybe I should ask for donuts for mother's day lol!
It's totally fair that you feel how you feel! I guess if you think he's truly making improvements otherwise, you can also try to gently explain to him why it upset you so he knows how to be better next time, and then let it go. But if the improvement he's working on aren't enough for you, that's also ok!
When asked about #donutgate, H laughed and said "why are people so selfish!" So, yeah, he would definitely get me a donut and I'd be upset if he didn't! He would at least ask me if I wanted one, but the answer is always yes and he'd have a good idea about what I wanted.
Our "new" pet sitter stopped over today to meet our dog, and he was great. He was here exactly at 1pm, was wearing professional clothing, and took notes! He was too cute. I think he's early 20s and I loved the effort. He seems like he will do a good job and be trustworthy. My dog seemed fine with him, too. The cat is always a bit shy so he ran away of course, but I think he'll come around. I am feeling much better about leaving them for our trip now.
I am also feeling overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done in the next week. It is times like this that I really notice how the division of labor in this house needs some improvements. I'm not sure there is anything we can do to change that in the next week, but hopefully sometime after our trip we can have a sit down and talk about how we can split things better. I am so sick of figuring out and preparing food in particular, and it just makes all these other calls and work things and things to get ready for the trip seem even more annoying.
In celebration of Friday, I have a good WWYD situation that comes from a friend:
Your daughter just turned 15 and is interested in her learner's permit. You have a very demanding job and travel often. Before you go on a business trip this week, you find out that your MIL - who you like - texted your DD (but not you or your H) to volunteer to teach her to drive. You talk to your H, a stay-at-home dad, and tell him that you think that's overstepping and that you'd really prefer to teach her yourself or have him teach her. Before you leave, you take her out for her first drive, but when you come back, you find out that MIL has taken her out, too. Your H says he didn't say anything to his mother because he didn't want to have a "conflict," - even though MIL is not the type to make a deal out of things, and he doesn't really want to teach her himself. Would you be mad at MIL? DH? Not care?
MIL and DH, this is like the MIL taking the kid to get the first haircut. There's only so many firsts that parents get, and driving is one of them.
Last year I enrolled in a debt consolidation program and I was scared to death but really had no other option. I am so glad I went this route. Yes, my credit is in the crapper right now but I was served a summons two days ago and they have already resolved the case with the creditor. It feels so good to have a plan.
I did it, finished paying it off 2 years ago I think? I'm SO glad I did it. I felt so overwhelmed and I think it really helped me manage paying it down. It felt so good to get the email at the end that I was done!
Donuts - my H knows what kind I like and always gets that kind, but also I only ever get one kind of donut usually. I also know his favorite donut. Donuts are kind of a "special" item in our house as we usually don't get them, so we try to make sure we all have our favorite kind.
A car parked outside of a neighbor's house this morning had the license plate AL GORE, and it definitely wasn't the actual Al Gore getting out of the car. I don't have anything against the man, but I'm a little mystified that anyone felt strongly enough about him to put his name on their license plate.
It's supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend, perfect stay home and be cozy weather, but no, we've got stuff going on pretty much all weekend. Wah.
This week was really long, especially with a sick day on Tuesday. Zero star week, do not recommend.
Agreed. Didn't have a sick day on Tuesday but this has been an atrociously long week. I don't even know why. Wednesday should have been Saturday and it's BS that it wasn't.
A car parked outside of a neighbor's house this morning had the license plate AL GORE, and it definitely wasn't the actual Al Gore getting out of the car. I don't have anything against the man, but I'm a little mystified that anyone felt strongly enough about him to put his name on their license plate.
It's supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend, perfect stay home and be cozy weather, but no, we've got stuff going on pretty much all weekend. Wah.
There’s a car by my house that is “HRC won” 🤣
I’m jealous. I live in Cheeto Face land and there is definitely someone with his last name and the #1 on their plate.
H and I are getting on a cruise today (it’s our anniversary)! We flew out yesterday and ran in to some acquaintances of ours at the airport gate. They are going to be on our cruise ship. Small world.
Anniversary twin! This is 14 years for us - what about you?
As someone who has a child learning to drive, take the help where you can because it sucks. And if the one parent is gone a lot and it will fall on the other parent to do the bulk of it, the more the better. So I don’t understand why she feels strongly that it’s an overreach unless the mil is a terrible driver or something. I shared this on here recently, but I am not super comfortable teaching my son to drive so it’s falling on my H who is also gone a lot. I’ve also asked my dad to help him and if my H gave me pushback on that that would be an argument I would take up.
But clearly that’s not how she feels. So if she told her H then it was up to him to tell his mom no thank you. So unless he did that and mil asked the granddaughter knowing that I don’t see any reason to be mad at MIL, just H.
I am all for grandparents assisting with teaching a teen to drive, I think it's good to learn different styles and techniques. But, the grandparent needs to ask the parents first, not the teen. And the DH should have said something, it didn't need to be anything stirring up any conflict, just "hey we want to be the ones that start the teaching, maybe later in the learning process you can help as well".
Post by fluffycookie on May 10, 2024 17:16:17 GMT -5
I went for my cellulitis follow up and no ER…yay!! I could to tell DS was nervous about it. I go back on Monday for another recheck and if everything is improving I won’t need any further recheck and just need to finish my antibiotics.
We have a quiet weekend. I was told to spend the weekend chilling on the couch. DS is working Saturday and Sunday and MH will go food shopping. My to do list consists of doing the food shopping list and shaking down DS for the money he owes me🤣
This did feel like an unusually long week even though it wasn't and nothing objectively bad happened to make it feel longer than it was.
Today I spent my entire workday reviewing grant applications for a committee I just joined. I will never cease to be amazed at how many adult people in professional jobs cannot write a coherent paragraph to save their lives. One application was so bad I had to give it zeroes in most of the rubric because the grant writer didn't actually answer the questions. Question: "How would Y activity improve literacy and the love of reading and writing at your school?" Answer: "We have a really nice auditorium, and I think Y activity would be good to have there." I rolled my eyes so much I gave myself a headache, but on the plus side I'm going to feel a lot more confident the next time I write a grant application myself if this is the sort of local competition I'll have for that money.
I’m dreading Mother’s Day. Without my H there is no one responsible for helping my son “celebrate” me, and it just gives me a grief “flair up.” My SO has tried in the past and he frankly just sucks at it. He gets a last minute card and candy and calls it a day and it makes it worse.
And my dad texted my brother and I today checking to make sure we were doing something for our mom (we have had a very strained relationship with her in recent years) and it really pissed me off. She’s been mentally and emotionally abusive our entire lives and he has stuck by her and defended her even when she abused him, too, and to have him trying to make sure she is celebrated on Sunday without - oh, I dunno - taking my kid to get ME a card or something? It just stings.