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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this?

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shadow
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:39:37 GMT -5

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Post by shadow on Jul 17, 2012 20:39:37 GMT -5

We had a bastille day party on Saturday and a friend of mine brought me a bottle of Muscat, which I was really looking forward to having. Turns out our guests drank it. We had a full cooler of drinks & the wine we were serving was out (we were making Kir royales). DH thinks if it's in the fridge, it's fair game. But there wasn't anything else in there that we were serving. Generally, I ask before going into someone's fridge, and even if it's obvious that they are serving wine from the fridge, I'd wait and ask to make sure before opening a bottle. So my reaction is...WTF?! Who the fuck does that?! Am i being unreasonable? I know i could just go out & buy another bottle, but I was looking forward to it, thought we had it chilled & ready to go, & think it's really not cool to do that. What say you guys?

atouchofklasse Full Member Posts: 1,021	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:40:29 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by atouchofklasse on Jul 17, 2012 20:40:29 GMT -5 IMO you are being unreasonable.
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Deleted Posts: 0	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:40:46 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2012 20:40:46 GMT -5 I would never, ever, ever, go into someone else's fridge, even at a party unless they told me. That being said, I'd just go buy another bottle
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Michelle
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:44:40 GMT -5

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Post by Michelle on Jul 17, 2012 20:44:40 GMT -5

I don't think there IS a norm. Some people are freer about that than others. I wouldn't have done it, but you just never know. If it was something I didn't want to share, I would have put it away more securely.

Go get another bottle.

josieposy
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:46:46 GMT -5

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Post by josieposy on Jul 17, 2012 20:46:46 GMT -5

I never assume the fridge is fair game at a party. That's just weird to me. I eat what is presented and drink what is in the obvious place unless someone says "help yourself to the stuff in the fridge."

Now I'm rooting for the Martians

ESF
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:47:18 GMT -5

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Post by ESF on Jul 17, 2012 20:47:18 GMT -5

Are you sure your H didn't tell them they could have it?

Or do you think the guest that brought it drank it because they didn't like the other wine?

I think it's weird to go in the fridge and open a bottle if it's clearly been established that the drinks are being served elsewhere at the party. That said, if it was a big party and lots of people inside and out, I could easily see how someone would be confused.

Our parties are casual enough that if I'm hosting, I consider my fridge a free for all. If someone brings wine that I want to save for myself, I do not put it in plain view in the fridge or counter, but stick it somewhere off to the side, or in our wine fridge.

basilosaurus
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:47:44 GMT -5

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Post by basilosaurus on Jul 17, 2012 20:47:44 GMT -5

I can't imagine not asking first, and I think all my friends would feel the same, but I also can't imagine telling someone no if they asked, so it's kind of moot, isn't it?

I did have a friend bring us 2 bottles and hide them so that our guests wouldn't think they were party booze. I appreciated her foresight.

basilosaurus
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:49:10 GMT -5

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Post by basilosaurus on Jul 17, 2012 20:49:10 GMT -5

Jul 17, 2012 20:47:18 GMT -5 ESF said:

Or do you think the guest that brought it drank it because they didn't like the other wine?

That's a good thought. I could totally see myself doing that since our gatherings are generally of the potluck/byob variety.

laurenpetro Elder Posts: 11,625 Likes: 13,857	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:50:15 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by laurenpetro on Jul 17, 2012 20:50:15 GMT -5 maybe the guest brought it with the intention of sharing it with everyone at the party? when i bring something to a party, that's what i assume will happen to any edible treat.
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ttt Elder Rainbow Jihadist My Little Pony Posts: 28,676 Likes: 40,429	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:51:48 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ttt on Jul 17, 2012 20:51:48 GMT -5 I think it's incredibly rude to go into someone else's fridge without asking.
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cookiemdough Senior Member Posts: 7,715 Likes: 17,298	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 20:55:45 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cookiemdough on Jul 17, 2012 20:55:45 GMT -5 Generally if I bring wine to a function it is with the thought I was contributing to the bar and that everyone would enjoy it.
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dottymobo Guest	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:01:52 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by dottymobo on Jul 17, 2012 21:01:52 GMT -5 Maybe the giver meant it for the party and got it out?
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ChillyMcFreeze
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:02:01 GMT -5

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Post by ChillyMcFreeze on Jul 17, 2012 21:02:01 GMT -5

I wouldn't go into someone's fridge, especially if there was an established cooler for the party. If I bring a bottle of wine to be served at the party, it doesn't come in a gift bag. If it's for the host alone, I gift-bag it. I also wouldn't think to hide my private stash, but I guess now you know!

bluestreet
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:04:21 GMT -5

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Post by bluestreet on Jul 17, 2012 21:04:21 GMT -5

Jul 17, 2012 20:55:45 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Generally if I bring wine to a function it is with the thought I was contributing to the bar and that everyone would enjoy it.

Me too.

But I agree that whatever the protocol is, there's nothing to be done now but buy 2 more bottles and enjoy!

shadow
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:11:52 GMT -5

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Post by shadow on Jul 17, 2012 21:11:52 GMT -5

Jul 17, 2012 20:55:45 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Generally if I bring wine to a function it is with the thought I was contributing to the bar and that everyone would enjoy it.

It was a small party, less than 20 people. DH didn't tell anyone the fridge was ok. I know the friend who brought it didn't drink it.

basilosaurus
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:19:14 GMT -5

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Post by basilosaurus on Jul 17, 2012 21:19:14 GMT -5

So, who put it in your fridge? If they did, and intended to share, then I don't think it's weird to pull it out as well.

Maybe it's just b/c my house is a revolving door of wine nights, but people store their drinks in my fridge all the time without asking or telling me. And then if we need a refill, they'll go grab the bottle they brought.

cookiemdough
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:21:33 GMT -5

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Post by cookiemdough on Jul 17, 2012 21:21:33 GMT -5

Jul 17, 2012 21:11:52 GMT -5 shadow said:

Jul 17, 2012 20:55:45 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Generally if I bring wine to a function it is with the thought I was contributing to the bar and that everyone would enjoy it.

It was a small party, less than 20 people. DH didn't tell anyone the fridge was ok. I know the friend who brought it didn't drink it.

Did you mean to quote me? The size of the party wouldn't really impact me. I still generally bring a nice bottle of wine or champagne to contribute to the party. If it is meant to be a gift, I generally put it in a gift bag and include a card. Was it clear the wine for the kir royales was also available for people who just wanted wine? I don't know I am probably not the best person to ask. I generally host people in my home that I am close to and I wouldn't care if they went in my refrigerator.

shadow
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:25:07 GMT -5

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Post by shadow on Jul 17, 2012 21:25:07 GMT -5

I put it in the fridge. DH thinks I should have put it in the wine fridge. Not sure the reasoning behind that, but if it was a wine to be served, wouldn't you expect it would be in the big cooler w/ everything else?

To be clear, I'm not THAT upset, just annoyed is all

.

cookiemdough
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:31:15 GMT -5

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Post by cookiemdough on Jul 17, 2012 21:31:15 GMT -5

Jul 17, 2012 21:25:07 GMT -5 shadow said:

I put it in the fridge. DH thinks I should have put it in the wine fridge. Not sure the reasoning behind that, but if it was a wine to be served, wouldn't you expect it would be in the big cooler w/ everything else?

To be clear, I'm not THAT upset, just annoyed is all

.

Within my social circle? No, but like I said we are very casual. It is pretty much known that people bring a new bottle of something to try and we all enjoy it. I am sorry I am not giving you the answer you are looking for. : )

MrsDL
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:38:22 GMT -5

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Post by MrsDL on Jul 17, 2012 21:38:22 GMT -5

I wouldn't go into somebody's fridge, especially if the beverages were located elsewhere. If the party beverages were in the fridge, I wouldn't open something like that without asking (I mean you would't go into a host's fridge and make a turkey sandwich out the blue), however if somebody else had opened it and others were drinking it, I'd assume it was fair game. That might have been what happened.

basilosaurus
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:39:41 GMT -5

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Post by basilosaurus on Jul 17, 2012 21:39:41 GMT -5

I wouldn't put a warm bottle in a cooler. It seems to make more sense to use the fridge for something that needs that much chilling. Were people pretty drunk? I could see a drunk fumbler thinking that hunting in the fridge was a grand idea.

I've never seen a bottle of moscato over about $8 (it's possible, but I don't look b/c I think it's nasty), so I'd both side eye the cheapass who brought it and the cheapass who didn't want a guest to drink it

shadow
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:40:54 GMT -5

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Post by shadow on Jul 17, 2012 21:40:54 GMT -5

Jul 17, 2012 21:31:15 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Jul 17, 2012 21:25:07 GMT -5 shadow said:

I put it in the fridge. DH thinks I should have put it in the wine fridge. Not sure the reasoning behind that, but if it was a wine to be served, wouldn't you expect it would be in the big cooler w/ everything else?

To be clear, I'm not THAT upset, just annoyed is all

.

Within my social circle? No, but like I said we are very casual. It is pretty much known that people bring a new bottle of something to try and we all enjoy it. I am sorry I am not giving you the answer you are looking for. : )

I'm never really sure what's expected either, whether they expect you to open it or not. I think if it were just a few of the girls getting together to drink some wine, I'd assume it was to be shared, but if it's an occasion where it's catered w/ lots of drinks provided, I would consider it just a gift to the host, kwim?

lyssbobiss, Command, B613 Senior Member Charming as fuck Posts: 9,714 Likes: 13,806	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:43:54 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jul 17, 2012 21:43:54 GMT -5 I don't say this often, but I literally have no idea what the hell is happening in the OP. Like, I recognize them as words, but they make no sense to me. What is muskrat?
	Back to Top "This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."

basilosaurus Elder Posts: 12,363 Likes: 5,559	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 21:47:46 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by basilosaurus on Jul 17, 2012 21:47:46 GMT -5 Muskrat: Cute rodent Muscat: A town in Oman, or a grape This is about the wine from the grape. It's similar in nasty sweetness to reisling. I've always heard the wine referred to as moscato.
	Back to Top Last Edit: Jul 17, 2012 21:49:02 GMT -5 by basilosaurus

shadow Junior Member Posts: 613 Likes: 23	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 17, 2012 22:06:50 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by shadow on Jul 17, 2012 22:06:50 GMT -5 The Italian version is Moscato, the french is Muscat. She got it b/c we were at dinner one night and she pronounced it as musket (like the gun) and we had a good laugh.
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aurora
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 18, 2012 8:51:52 GMT -5

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Post by aurora on Jul 18, 2012 8:51:52 GMT -5

I like the recent turn of these posts.

But back to the OP, in my circle if you bring alcohol to a 20-person party it's usually intended to be drunk that night and not as a hostess group. But we are very casual about that and may be violating all sorts of Emily Post rules.

wawa
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 18, 2012 8:54:35 GMT -5

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Post by wawa on Jul 18, 2012 8:54:35 GMT -5

I think Michelle is right that there really is no norm here. See reponses so far for evidence of this...

I'd be annoyed, in the same way I was annoyed when MH ate the last of the goldfish. Not that he's an asshole for eating the goldfish, just that I was all excited and then they were gone. Acceptable reason for sadface. Also acceptable reason for impromptu grocery store run at 9 PM.

ECB
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 18, 2012 8:57:36 GMT -5

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Post by ECB on Jul 18, 2012 8:57:36 GMT -5

If it's clear where the drinks are for the party, I'd never dream of going into someones fridge.

I have been to small parties, though, where (quite honestly) the hosts just aren't good hosts and it's not clear where ANY drinks are - and yes, in that situation, I'll go to the fridge myself!

pamela Senior Member Posts: 7,300 Likes: 2,026	I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 18, 2012 8:58:48 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by pamela on Jul 18, 2012 8:58:48 GMT -5 If you were serving drinks out of a cooler, I'd be a bit annoyed that someone raided my fridge.
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I'm irked. What is the social norm on this? Jul 18, 2012 9:09:52 GMT -5

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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2012 9:09:52 GMT -5

Ditto wawa pretty much word for word. I'd be annoyed but I don't necessarily think the person who opened it and drank it was being rude, they just probably had a different idea of what is acceptable at a party like that, you know? Was it the only bottle of wine in the fridge? If I knew someone had a wine cooler/fridge somewhere else and there was a lone bottle of wine in the fridge, I'd probably assume that wine was for the party. BUT I still don't go poking through people's fridges when i'm at their house, even very good friends, unless they say "help yourself to whatever is in the fridge" or the like.

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