Since we all agree that cats are assholes

They both pick at the corners of the couches. Usually it's when we've gone upstairs for the night, because they know we can't rush down and shoo them away in time. We now have throw blankets over each couch corner and it looks so trashy (and they STILL manage to find uncovered spots to pick).

The big one is moody and growls sometimes, especially when the little one comes near him. Our friends were visiting and he took a swipe at one girl's leg because he didn't like that she was wearing a long skirt. If he's hungry he won't shut the fuck up until you feed him. He's not a nasty cat but he's so unpredictable, so it can be embarrassing when we have visitors and he's in a pissy mood.

They both shed, but the little one is RIDICULOUS. She rolls all over our comforter and sheets, and she's pure black so the fur is really noticeable. She's a cuddler but she runs away if you try to pick her up ... she has to come to you on her own terms. She eats like a fucking horse ... when the big one was a solo cat we'd feed him twice a day and he'd graze throughout the day. Then we got the little one and she eats everything in sight immediately, so for a few weeks the big one would be constantly crying for more food because she ate his. She never sits still unless she's asleep, which sucks when she's dancing around the bed at 2 a.m.

And speaking of assholes, she's got the biggest asshole I've ever seen on a cat. Which is especially pleasant when I wake up with it directly in my face every morning. And she farts a LOT, and it smells horrific.