Okay- so how "should" therapy work?

[winecat]

I've had one good therapist in my long list of people I've seen. By "good", I mean that I actually felt like I had changed and made progress. She did more neuro-linguistic type work which helped me with some PTSD issues.

Every talk therapist I've had seems to help a bit at first and sometimes longer, but soon after I stop seeing someone I backslide really quickly.

I know that I shouldn't feel the way that I do, but I do. It's not something I've hidden from therapists and have really wanted to make progress but I just don't feel like I ever have.

Am I doing therapy wrong (expecting too much from talk therapy)? Finding the wrong therapists?

[gozf]

Right. Stop stopping. Maybe you need so continue therapy as a means of holding yourself accountable.

[winecat]

Dec 4, 2012 16:38:02 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

So you backslide when you stop therapy? What if you don't stop?

I've never had that option. I've always had to stop for a variety of reasons (finances, moving, etc..)

Am I misinterpreting the goal of therapy is to not need it? In other words, my issues will always be there and therapy won't help me work through them so that they aren't a part of my thought process?

[winecat]

Dec 4, 2012 16:47:24 GMT -5 gozf said:

Right. Stop stopping. Maybe you need so continue therapy as a means of holding yourself accountable.

When I kept going the sessions seemed like they became a broken record. I would feel better but not great.

[jojoandleo]

My therapist has never just ENDED therapy. We cut it down slowly. From twice a week, to once a week, to once every 2 weeks, to once a month and then as needed. That way, if I start to backslide, she can catch it and I can get back in. Everyone's experience is different You need to find a counselor who works for YOU-who you can open up to and NOT lie to if you backslide.

[Deleted]

I have been going to therapy for 8 years. She calls me out on my stuff and I grow. It's a long time, I realize, but I have worked through a GREAT MANY issues. A lot of it has been me doing the work with her guidance.

[gozf]

It all depends on why you're in therapy. If you have deep, pervasive issues and therapy makes you feel better, there's nothing wrong with continuing therapy indefinitely. If you're going for something situational, you stop when you or the therapist feel ready. If you're noticing you find yourself back to square one after discontinuing sessions, don't discontinue sessions. Also, every therapist I've had has always reminded me that I can come back any time, if old or new issue should arise.

[winecat]

It sounds like maybe I haven't found the right person?

[jojoandleo]

Dec 4, 2012 16:59:00 GMT -5 gozf said:

It all depends on why you're in therapy. If you have deep, pervasive issues and therapy makes you feel better, there's nothing wrong with continuing therapy indefinitely. If you're going for something situational, you stop when you or the therapist feel ready. If you're noticing you find yourself back to square one after discontinuing sessions, don't discontinue sessions. Also, every therapist I've had has always reminded me that I can come back any time, if old or new issue should arise.

I go for my anxiety. It will NEVER go away. I will have anxiety for the rest of my life, BUT therapy has taught me how to control it, how to refocus, etc. I don't go regularly anymore. HOWEVER, Whenever I feel like I can't handle it again, I go back for a nice refresher and just plain someone to talk to who won't tell me "Calm down, it's going to be fine." (I know that is meant in a nice way but it fucking ENRAGES me. Calm down? Oh! Okay, that works! I'll just CALM DOWN! You're a GENIUS!). I love my therapist. She is judgment free and it really feels like I am talk to a friend. A friend that I pay to listen.

[winecat]

Dec 4, 2012 16:51:10 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

My therapist has never just ENDED therapy. We cut it down slowly. From twice a week, to once a week, to once every 2 weeks, to once a month and then as needed. That way, if I start to backslide, she can catch it and I can get back in. Everyone's experience is different You need to find a counselor who works for YOU-who you can open up to and NOT lie to if you backslide.

I stopped seeing the therapist I first started seeing as an adult because I lost my job. One of my dearest friends committed suicide which is why I started seeing the therapist. At one point she told me that I shouldn't be so upset because he had AIDS and his life was going to be cut short anyway and that I would have needed to come to terms with his death anyway. I was so traumatized that I didn't really get how messed up this was to say to anyone, especially in a therapist's role.

Now my issue is lack of time and money. Yesterday was my day "off" and I spent from 11am-8pm running errands/working on the bakery. The therapist that I like doesn't work on Mondays so I can't go see her now anyway.

[jojoandleo]

Dec 4, 2012 17:34:26 GMT -5 winecat said:

Dec 4, 2012 16:51:10 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

My therapist has never just ENDED therapy. We cut it down slowly. From twice a week, to once a week, to once every 2 weeks, to once a month and then as needed. That way, if I start to backslide, she can catch it and I can get back in. Everyone's experience is different You need to find a counselor who works for YOU-who you can open up to and NOT lie to if you backslide.

I stopped seeing the therapist I first started seeing as an adult because I lost my job. One of my dearest friends committed suicide which is why I started seeing the therapist. At one point she told me that I shouldn't be so upset because he had AIDS and his life was going to be cut short anyway and that I would have needed to come to terms with his death anyway. I was so traumatized that I didn't really get how messed up this was to say to anyone, especially in a therapist's role.

Now my issue is lack of time and money. Yesterday was my day "off" and I spent from 11am-8pm running errands/working on the bakery. The therapist that I like doesn't work on Mondays so I can't go see her now anyway.

I would say you have not found the right person yet. And a hearty WTF to your first therapist. As someone who has a very close friend who is HIV positive, she can go die in a fire. Bitch.

[Deleted]

Dec 4, 2012 17:34:26 GMT -5 winecat said:

At one point she told me that I shouldn't be so upset because he had AIDS and his life was going to be cut short anyway and that I would have needed to come to terms with his death anyway.

WTF !!!!!!! A therapist is supposed to create a non-judgmental and safe place for you to go and talk about your feelings and also validate them. Not tell you how you should feel, what you should have done, what's wrong about what you're feeling. That makes me very angry to read even though I know it happens all the time.

Please do not judge all therapists based on this experience.

[winecat]

Thank you for the feedback. I really appreciate it. I saw this therapist for a few years from my friend's suicide through my divorce (which was only a couple of years.) I'm looking forward to having time and $ to keep working on myself now.

Yeah- she really messed me up (from an already messed up place) with the comment about my friend and HIV.