Holiday scheduling I am a horrible person.

[carfar]

We were invited by Hub's Cousin and wife to their holiday party. It is the same night as an event with like 20 of my friends (which was on the calendar first) We have a nail salon to ourselves and can bring alcohol and treats and such.

I know I need to go to the family event, and I'll have a good time at the party, but mani pedis and friends sounds so much better than Dh's cousin's party where I'll know probably his cousins family and like three other people. This is horrible, right? Anyone else have scheduling conflicts they aren't pleased with for the holidays?

[drloretta]

Why can't your H see his family and you do your already scheduled thing?

[Deleted]

I don't know, I'm not that close to any of my cousins, let alone DH's. If you were invited to the other party first, I say go to that.

[UnderProtest]

Yeah, I would go to the thing that was on the calendar first. Bonus that its the more fun event.

[Mrs.Beagle]

Send H to the family party and go with your friends.

[carfar]

Dec 4, 2012 22:25:55 GMT -5 drloretta said:

Why can't your H see his family and you do your already scheduled thing?

Transportation and location, plus, I'd feel badly with him telling them I missed it for mani pedis. There may be a way around it, but I'll have to talk to hubs.

[Deleted]

I love my cousins, and am very close with several of them but even so, a holiday party for one of them wouldn't trump a pre-existing plan with 20 people. It is a holiday party, not a wedding. This is a total non-dilemma.

[UnderProtest]

You tell them sorry, but you had a previously scheduled event. Not further explanation is necessary.

[dexteroni]

Dec 4, 2012 22:32:36 GMT -5 carfar said:

Dec 4, 2012 22:25:55 GMT -5 drloretta said:

Why can't your H see his family and you do your already scheduled thing?

Transportation and location, plus, I'd feel badly with him telling them I missed it for mani pedis. There may be a way around it, but I'll have to talk to hubs.

You're never allowed to have other plans? That's silly. Just have him say you had long-standing plans that aren't cancellable. No details are needed.

And one of you can get a ride with someone else, or take a cab.

[BNL2]

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying you had something else scheduled. DH and I would definitely separate in this situation but neither of us have families who would mind.

[grk2012]

You already have plans that night. Never mind what they ARE; you're booked then. Stick with your original plan.

[Deleted]

Dec 4, 2012 22:38:48 GMT -5 v said:

This is a total non-dilemma.

You already have plans. Send your regrets. No guilt.

[chessie]

My rule of thumb is whatever was planned first is what I stick to, I dont change the plan once its set.

[limey]

Dec 4, 2012 22:47:02 GMT -5 chessie said:

My rule of thumb is whatever was planned first is what I stick to, I dont change the plan once its set.

This, plus whichever is more fun.

[carfar]

The thing is the events are 30 and about 50 miles away respectively from our house, so no cab.
My husband doesn't drive due to Epilepsy. Its a new development. He is sensitive about it and he is being stubborn about finding himself alternate transport if we go separately . I'm trying to be supportive and understanding about it, and he'd really like to go. There may be a work around still, we'll see.

[UnderProtest]

Can another family member take your husband to the party?

[grk2012]

So now whatever you already have scheduled takes a back seat to something that MIGHT come up that he wants to attend? Sorry, no. What better time to figure out alternate transportation than for this situation?

[vanillacourage]

Dec 4, 2012 23:11:29 GMT -5 grk2012 said:

So now whatever you already have scheduled takes a back seat to something that MIGHT come up that he wants to attend? Sorry, no. What better time to figure out alternate transportation than for this situation?

Agree. If this is the new reality then it's time to figure it out.

[SJ]

We would probably split up in this case. For the most part our calendar is first-come-first-serve and we try not to bail on friends if we have already agreed to an event.

[carfar]

Dec 4, 2012 23:11:29 GMT -5 grk2012 said:

So now whatever you already have scheduled takes a back seat to something that MIGHT come up that he wants to attend? Sorry, no. What better time to figure out alternate transportation than for this situation?

Of course not, but this time I am willing to (maybe depending on if something else can be figured out) do what he would like to do. It certainly won't be this way all the time, and he does things he'd prefer not do for me as well.

[carfar]

Dec 4, 2012 23:16:30 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I will roll my eyes out of my SKULL if you go to that stupid cousin party.

Manis/pedis + booze wins. Plus, it was scheduled first.

Well, if you put it that way

[dexteroni]

Dec 4, 2012 22:51:55 GMT -5 carfar said:

He is sensitive about it and he is being stubborn about finding himself alternate transport if we go separately .

I get that this is a new and emotionally difficult situation, but his stubbornness is not going to work in real life. And I also get that you want to be supportive, but that doesn't mean you have to give up your plans just because he refuses to be driven by anyone other than you. Either you'll end up pretty resentful pretty fast, or he'll find himself staying home a lot.

For this particular occasion, I would just tell him you still plan to attend your previously scheduled party instead of his family's party, and if he wants to go to his family party, he'll need to find a ride. I don't get what all the "workaround" and "a way around it" business is about. He just needs to find a ride. Would he be more comfortable if you arranged it? If so, then that's a good compromise. You're still being supportive, he gets to go to his party, you still get to go to yours.

[liveintheville]

I'm not permitted to drive because of a seizure disorder. We would still split and I'd find my own way of getting to whichever event I was attending.

[lindyanne]

I would also go to get mani/pedi. It was scheduled first. Are the events in the same direction or is there anyone else going from your area that could help with a ride? Could you get him part way there and have someone meet you the rest of the way? I realize you need to be a little more sensitive since this is new but "enabling" him may set a precedent you don't want to start.

[ECB]

Dec 4, 2012 23:21:15 GMT -5 carfar said:

Dec 4, 2012 23:11:29 GMT -5 grk2012 said:

So now whatever you already have scheduled takes a back seat to something that MIGHT come up that he wants to attend? Sorry, no. What better time to figure out alternate transportation than for this situation?

Of course not, but this time I am willing to (maybe depending on if something else can be figured out) do what he would like to do. It certainly won't be this way all the time, and he does things he'd prefer not do for me as well.

Reading this, I get where you're coming from.

[aspentosh]

Dec 4, 2012 22:28:31 GMT -5 UnderProtest said:

Yeah, I would go to the thing that was on the calendar first. Bonus that its the more fun event.

Ding ding ding. This is why we have a calendar. So when a new event comes up, we can say "Sorry- already have plans."

[aspentosh]

Dec 5, 2012 9:39:54 GMT -5 ECB said:

Dec 4, 2012 23:21:15 GMT -5 carfar said:

Of course not, but this time I am willing to (maybe depending on if something else can be figured out) do what he would like to do. It certainly won't be this way all the time, and he does things he'd prefer not do for me as well.

Reading this, I get where you're coming from.

Yeah, I get it more now. But I'd still go with the original plans and if your H wants to go to the cousin's party, then help him find alternate transportation.

[drloretta]

Then he asks one of the other people going to the family party to pick him up, because you already have plans for that night. Done.

[Velvetshady]

You'd be a horrible person if you cancel on your friends.

[Deleted]

I have a sort-of conflict next Saturday. DH's mom wants all the grandkids at a local museum for the afternoon, and she's now asking for dinner together. My oldest friend is running a benefit for her uncle with recurrent cancer that evening right at C's bedtime. After a day with the ILs, the last thing I want is to go out again and go to a benefit that is in the middle of nowhere and will probably be poorly attended due to the timing and I'll feel obligated to stay with my friend just to keep her spirits up (who tries a benefit 10 days before Christmas?!?) I think DH and C will be staying home (DH definitely doesn't want to go), and I will show up for a tiny bit. Is there any chance you could show up later at the cousin's party, after some pampering?