We were invited by Hub's Cousin and wife to their holiday party. It is the same night as an event with like 20 of my friends (which was on the calendar first) We have a nail salon to ourselves and can bring alcohol and treats and such.
I know I need to go to the family event, and I'll have a good time at the party, but mani pedis and friends sounds so much better than Dh's cousin's party where I'll know probably his cousins family and like three other people. This is horrible, right? Anyone else have scheduling conflicts they aren't pleased with for the holidays?
Why can't your H see his family and you do your already scheduled thing?
Transportation and location, plus, I'd feel badly with him telling them I missed it for mani pedis. There may be a way around it, but I'll have to talk to hubs.
I love my cousins, and am very close with several of them but even so, a holiday party for one of them wouldn't trump a pre-existing plan with 20 people. It is a holiday party, not a wedding. This is a total non-dilemma.
Why can't your H see his family and you do your already scheduled thing?
Transportation and location, plus, I'd feel badly with him telling them I missed it for mani pedis. There may be a way around it, but I'll have to talk to hubs.
You're never allowed to have other plans? That's silly. Just have him say you had long-standing plans that aren't cancellable. No details are needed.
And one of you can get a ride with someone else, or take a cab.
I don't think there is anything wrong with saying you had something else scheduled. DH and I would definitely separate in this situation but neither of us have families who would mind.
The thing is the events are 30 and about 50 miles away respectively from our house, so no cab. My husband doesn't drive due to Epilepsy. Its a new development. He is sensitive about it and he is being stubborn about finding himself alternate transport if we go separately . I'm trying to be supportive and understanding about it, and he'd really like to go. There may be a work around still, we'll see.
So now whatever you already have scheduled takes a back seat to something that MIGHT come up that he wants to attend? Sorry, no. What better time to figure out alternate transportation than for this situation?
So now whatever you already have scheduled takes a back seat to something that MIGHT come up that he wants to attend? Sorry, no. What better time to figure out alternate transportation than for this situation?
Agree. If this is the new reality then it's time to figure it out.
We would probably split up in this case. For the most part our calendar is first-come-first-serve and we try not to bail on friends if we have already agreed to an event.
So now whatever you already have scheduled takes a back seat to something that MIGHT come up that he wants to attend? Sorry, no. What better time to figure out alternate transportation than for this situation?
Of course not, but this time I am willing to (maybe depending on if something else can be figured out) do what he would like to do. It certainly won't be this way all the time, and he does things he'd prefer not do for me as well.
He is sensitive about it and he is being stubborn about finding himself alternate transport if we go separately .
I get that this is a new and emotionally difficult situation, but his stubbornness is not going to work in real life. And I also get that you want to be supportive, but that doesn't mean you have to give up your plans just because he refuses to be driven by anyone other than you. Either you'll end up pretty resentful pretty fast, or he'll find himself staying home a lot.
For this particular occasion, I would just tell him you still plan to attend your previously scheduled party instead of his family's party, and if he wants to go to his family party, he'll need to find a ride. I don't get what all the "workaround" and "a way around it" business is about. He just needs to find a ride. Would he be more comfortable if you arranged it? If so, then that's a good compromise. You're still being supportive, he gets to go to his party, you still get to go to yours.
I would also go to get mani/pedi. It was scheduled first. Are the events in the same direction or is there anyone else going from your area that could help with a ride? Could you get him part way there and have someone meet you the rest of the way? I realize you need to be a little more sensitive since this is new but "enabling" him may set a precedent you don't want to start.
So now whatever you already have scheduled takes a back seat to something that MIGHT come up that he wants to attend? Sorry, no. What better time to figure out alternate transportation than for this situation?
Of course not, but this time I am willing to (maybe depending on if something else can be figured out) do what he would like to do. It certainly won't be this way all the time, and he does things he'd prefer not do for me as well.
Of course not, but this time I am willing to (maybe depending on if something else can be figured out) do what he would like to do. It certainly won't be this way all the time, and he does things he'd prefer not do for me as well.
Reading this, I get where you're coming from.
Yeah, I get it more now. But I'd still go with the original plans and if your H wants to go to the cousin's party, then help him find alternate transportation.
I have a sort-of conflict next Saturday. DH's mom wants all the grandkids at a local museum for the afternoon, and she's now asking for dinner together. My oldest friend is running a benefit for her uncle with recurrent cancer that evening right at C's bedtime. After a day with the ILs, the last thing I want is to go out again and go to a benefit that is in the middle of nowhere and will probably be poorly attended due to the timing and I'll feel obligated to stay with my friend just to keep her spirits up (who tries a benefit 10 days before Christmas?!?) I think DH and C will be staying home (DH definitely doesn't want to go), and I will show up for a tiny bit. Is there any chance you could show up later at the cousin's party, after some pampering?