Confessions - join me

[jewel]

GP related, or not. All confessions are welcome!

- I just spent $22 on a tube of allegedly sperm-friendly lube. Holy hell. This shit better work. I also needlessly spent $10 on another basal thermometer because I feel like my new Target one is crappy. These are my BFN gifts for the month.

- I saw the Trans Siberian Orchestra show a few days ago and cried. CRIED. People. This is getting bad. I never cry.

And, GO.

[awick14]

I told a friend I wasn't feeling well tonight just do she wouldn't come over so I could spend the evening by myself. I had a nice bath An read a magazine from a pile of them that I am behind on.

[potatopie]

I've got a bad one.....when I was in the States in July, I spent $100 on maternity clothes because we were going to start TTC and I wanted to be prepared (I prefer to clothes shop in the States).

....Still no pg and I'm going back to the US next week for a visit. Just hope I get to use these clothes someday so I can pretend it wasn't a waste of money!

Oh, and no one knows, of course. Not fam (who all know we're TTC) and not DH.

[blindyswife]

Jewel, I have preferred my Walgreens bbt over my target bbt.

I need to think of a confession...

[mkesweetie]

My BFN gifts are much more expensive and much less useful than lube & a thermometer. And, after so many cycles of BFN, we're probably going to go broke on BFN Gifts. lol.

I POAS last night. After work. 9DPO. I knew I was most likely to get a BFN, and I knew better than to do it, but I did it and now I'm so disappointed again. And I know, I know, it's early that can change etc. Still.

[geek96]

My BFN gifts this month included a $10 BBT thermometer and $25 on Taking Charge or Your Fertility. I am also contemplating getting th FF VIP membership.

Anyone have it? What makes it better than the free membership?

ETA: forget about the Pom juice I started drinking which runs about $10 a bottle every week.

[cincodemayo]

When I get a BFP, I will most likely scour every maternity website for a fun cute top on sale. I am so excited to have a bump I won't even wait to see how things go.

I really need to get a BFP soon, I drive my H crazy with "When I get pregnant...."

[blindyswife]

mke- 9 dpo with non-fmu, tsk tsk! FX that your results change in a couple of days.

Geek- I have FF VIP and I love it. But every time it comes up in conversation on here, it doesn't seem like VIP is much different than regular. I dunno. I would never let my VIP run out, but I am apparently the minority.

[winecheery]

GPR:
I don't know how I'm feeling about actively "trying" to get pg these days. I'm only on cycle 5 here people, with maybe 3 of them having good timing, and I'm already feeling like, wtf am I doing to myself?? I never thought I would be so obsessive about this. I knew I'd be a little bit, but this is whack. I also never knew what it would do to my mind and heart sometimes.

I'm glad I finally told myself I wouldn't truly worry until February, as my doc suggested. It has made me step back and think about things a bit clearer. I feel like if I go through my posts here, I don't even recognize my crazy...
:-|

NotGPR:
I'm so over my fall jobs! I cannot wait for everything to be done in the next two weeks so I can get paid, and be on my way. I feel like communication was poor with a few of the schools, and I am donedonedone. I will reduce the number of classes I teach next sessions. Not worth it. Did I mention I was done?!

[glauren]

I've put off temping since starting TTC because it stresses me out! But I started around 5 dpo this cycle, so I could get in the habit and do it for the next however many cycles. I only have 5 wonky, ridiculous temps thus far and the amount of time I've spent obsessing over them is unhealthy. I may not be mentally stable enough to temp long term.

[mkesweetie]

Dec 5, 2012 11:13:16 GMT -5 blindyswife said:

mke- 9 dpo with non-fmu, tsk tsk! FX that your results change in a couple of days.

I know!! lol.

Wine - this whole process is a mindfuck. Seriously. The first few months I was all breezy, "Lots of sex, no worries, bla bla bla" but even then you better BELIEVE I was anxiously awaiting my (missing!) period!

Then, after a few months of that I was obsessive, sex every other day for weeks on end.

Then, I cycled (no pun intended!) to WTF, I don't fucking care any more.

Now I'm back to hopeful. I have no idea why. lol.

It's a process, and a cycle, and it's so shitty that you can't really imagine until you're in it. Be gentle with yourself here - you're going to feel a LOT of things whether it takes you 6 months or 16 months. It's ok to feel them. Plus, I figure better to look crazy here than in real life, right?

[littlemisschatty]

I want to get pregnant bc I am looking forward to maternity leave. I am overwhelmed at work. I know a baby is no vacation, but still, I would love to not have to come here for a few months.

[jewel]

Dec 5, 2012 9:30:27 GMT -5 mkesweetie said:

My BFN gifts are much more expensive and much less useful than lube & a thermometer. And, after so many cycles of BFN, we're probably going to go broke on BFN Gifts. lol.

That's true, it's a little funny now that I read it. However, I really try not to break the bank with my BFN gifts, so I keep things in mind that I might have purchased anyway, or hold back on things I want. For example, I knew I wanted the preseed and new thermometer and told myself I'd get them after the new year. Instead, I got them one month early as my gift. I also had a gift certificate for a massage, and told myself I could use it as soon as I got a BFN. It's more like trying to arrange positive things I already have planned to coincide with the BFN.

We're 14 months and one miscarriage into TTC, so I have to be creative with maintaining my sanity.

[FastHands]

I'm with you swizz. I just can't give two shits. I truly just check in here to see who got BFP. I have no real clue when I O'd or even when I'm going to get AF, and I just don't care. lol. I would be completely thrilled if we got pg, but it's just not on my mind at all right now.

[HoneySpider]

I totally made some snotty remark about how much weight my SIL gained during her pregnancy (not to her face) and now I know it's going to come back and bite me....she'll probably lose it overnight and I'll end up gaining even more than she did. I shouldn't be so mean.

[bonkers412]

I'm drinking so much tea and pom juice that I don't know how ill ever get a positive opk this month. I have to pee all. The. Time.

[vmars]

I really want to be PG for our family trip to Rehoboth Beach - they have the BEST food & I want to go all out & feel no remorse. Also, I am one of those crazies who wants to be PG in the summer - so long as I don't look like a whale!

[awick14]

I found the cutest frames that say I <3 my dad, grandpa and grandma.

I am standing in line to get them right now! this may be how I tell DH an my parents.

[geek96]

Dec 5, 2012 18:11:22 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Dec 5, 2012 18:09:50 GMT -5 awick14 said:

I found the cutest frames that say I <3 my dad, grandpa and grandma.

I am standing in line to get them right now! this may be how I tell DH an my parents.

I have one for DH for when I tell him!

I had this all planned out months ago. Bought a bunch of cute things to give to DH and then he told me wasn't ready to have a baby and wanted to wait 6 months. I was so upset I chucked it all in the garbage.

He later confessed he was just scared about being responsible for another person. We started trying again in the middle of November after we decided to compromise and meet in the middle. I will probably do something cute on the day I found out but I won't plan it ahead of time.

[krystee]

My confession is that two weeks ago was the first time DH and I haven't used a condom, ever. It was nice! Also, even though we purposely tried to avoid getting pregnant in November by avoiding good timing, I find myself desperately hoping we screwed up and I got pregnant anyway. What the heck?! How did I turn from a rational, normal human being to being TTC-obsessed when we aren't even supposed to be TTC until next cycle?

[vmars]

Dec 5, 2012 19:55:48 GMT -5 krystee said:

My confession is that two weeks ago was the first time DH and I haven't used a condom, ever. It was nice! Also, even though we purposely tried to avoid getting pregnant in November by avoiding good timing, I find myself desperately hoping we screwed up and I got pregnant anyway. What the heck?! How did I turn from a rational, normal human being to being TTC-obsessed when we aren't even supposed to be TTC until next cycle?

I feel the same way, esp. since I said I wasn't going to TTC this cycle. I too wouldn't mind if we messed up lol. Also, I am terrible at waiting!

[bonkers412]

Dec 5, 2012 19:11:04 GMT -5 swizzlestx said:

Dec 5, 2012 17:24:15 GMT -5 bonkers412 said:

I'm drinking so much tea and pom juice that I don't know how ill ever get a positive opk this month. I have to pee all. The. Time.

You only need to drink 2oz of POM daily!

Oh really? That is pretty exciting since it costs as much as wine but is NOT wine! Do you drink green tea? Maybe I'm drinking too much of that too.

[winecheery]

Mkesweetie, thanks for the comments. Very supportive. I appreciate them. I think I may be nearing the "I don't give a fuck stage". I'm not quite there yet; I think I'm at a step you might've missed, which I like to call the "I just don't know how much I care...but I care" phase.

I just know I want my period to be done please. It usually is tapering off at this point, but it did a fake out and now I feel lousy. And It's just so much effort every time you go to the bathroom...ugh so over it.

[Cheesecake]

We're nearing a year in trying (March 1 will mark the 1 year point) with perfect timing each and every month. With my health I now know that fertility treatment won't happen, so I'm starting to wonder if I even want fertility testing. It sucks.

That said besides the health issue the true reason I want to get PG soon is because it would suck so so bad for my office. With them laying me off while they should've chosen someone else, I'd really really love to have them be legally required to pay for my super extended maternity leave while I'll leave the company very soon after. That'd be fun.

[awick14]

Dec 6, 2012 5:24:11 GMT -5 Cheesecake said:

We're nearing a year in trying (March 1 will mark the 1 year point) with perfect timing each and every month. With my health I now know that fertility treatment won't happen, so I'm starting to wonder if I even want fertility testing. It sucks.

That said besides the health issue the true reason I want to get PG soon is because it would suck so so bad for my office. With them laying me off while they should've chosen someone else, I'd really really love to have them be legally required to pay for my super extended maternity leave while I'll leave the company very soon after. That'd be fun.

Hugs!

[cincodemayo]

don't do it, swizzle. wait 2 days.

[mkesweetie]

Dec 6, 2012 13:10:23 GMT -5 swizzlestx said:

Dec 6, 2012 13:08:58 GMT -5 cincodemayo said:

don't do it, swizzle. wait 2 days.

I have a gyno appointment tomorrow and DH goes OOT, so I think, if AF doesn't show before that, I'm going to wait until Monday morning.

Hopefully I can stay strong over the weekend!

Stay strong! You can do it. Remember when I tested at 9DPO with no FMU? It was bad. Now I have no hope. Try to get through the weekend, and enjoy the anticipation! IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS EVE!!! ;D

Ok, it's not at all like that, but do try to stay strong through the weekend. Good luck!

[winecheery]

Don't pee on things swizz! Hold out!

[jewel]

Dec 6, 2012 13:04:49 GMT -5 swizzlestx said:

I'm burying this here so as to look less obsessive by starting a new post.

I have WICKED cramps today. Like waves of nausea-inducing cramps. I'm only 9DPO (at the most! I think probably closer to 7).

My mind is going crazy, but I'm trying REALLY hard not to POAS. I avoided yesterday entirely.

If you want validation to POAS, let me know. I'm a certified POAS-holic too. If you need someone not to be your voice of reason, I'm your girl. :-)

[awick14]

Swizz you can do it! No POAS until Monday!