$150k would be a good number for us. DH got a significant raise this year and we started TTC so I could stay home since I only make $40k and we plan to relocate and put our current house on the market in March. Hopefully they coincide with each other.
I can't put a number on it, but he would have to make enough that it seemed kind of ridiculous that I was working for pay. Like I was only making 10% of what he was making. We don't have kids yet, but, whether it's right nor not, a lot of my self identity is wrapped up in what I do for a living. I have a hard time seeing that I would do a complete 180 when we add kids to the mix. So if he made that crazy amount of money, I wouldn't work for pay anymore, but would have a job such as director of a nonprofit and would not get paid or would donate my salary back.
It would have to make me feel independently wealthy and secure. So husband's salary matters less. I would want him to quit, too. I do not think I would want him working and to have me SAH - it would be unfair. Plus I would not be a SAHM - my kids are in school now.
I definitely would never bank on someone continuing to be in an industry that is high demand. You never know what will happen to the industry long term. So, just because head hunters call all the time now doesn't mean anything. Heck, head hunters calling doesn't mean much of anything either. H got a ton of calls for business jobs during the down turn. That doesn't mean he would have easily obtained those jobs. Head hunters, unless looking for really high level jobs, often canvas.
DH was making 1/3 of what I was making when we had DS. We decided he would be a SAHD because the cost of daycare was about 75% of his salary in the area where we lived at the time.
When DS was a few months old, we decided to move back to our home state. Now I make 4x what DH was making previously. He continues to be a SAHD. It's wonderful, we both love the arrangement.
D?2 is on the way now and there is no end in sight to the SAHD arrangement. We can't justify putting 2 in daycare with his level of earning power right now.
I have friends that don't have kids that have stay at home husbands. They manage the household, etc. and they love it. They all have similarly demanding careers. I would be OK with DH SAH long-term/forever if that's what he wants to do and I am able to continue earning somewhere near or more than I earn now.
He'd need to make $150,000, have a super secure job, and great health insurance coverage. I work for the money, but I also work for the stability and health bennies.
Post by jackpackage on Dec 6, 2012 12:33:21 GMT -5
H makes about $250K and I SAH. He will always make way more than me (I only made max of 40K), and SAH was very important to me. We'd still be comfortable even if he made less.
Post by imojoebunny on Dec 6, 2012 12:49:49 GMT -5
When I worked, most of my coworkers, all men, had SAHW. They made between 80k and $120k. They had good lives, nice suburban homes, savings, vacations, good public schools, ect. Atlanta is fairly inexpensive for housing, and that makes a difference.
I'm pregnant now and we occasionally talk about my quitting to SAH for a couple of years. But then I think about all the stuff that I'd like to keep about our lifestyle (such as our weekly cleaning service and regular vacations) plus all the extras that I would want to add in ($$ for "mommy and me" type classes, preschool eventually, regular babysitters, etc.) and it makes me panic.
So just curiosity: if you were to ever stop working for a period of time, what level of income would you need to feel comfortable doing so?
Enough to replace both of our current incomes. That won't happen considering I earn twice what he does.
LCOL-I don't want to sah but I'm going to say $250K which is more than we make combined now. I just feel like that would give us a lot of security. Plus, I would never want to be limited in terms of what I can spend or buy while sah and don't want to just sit around all day with the kids. If I'm not working (i.e. making money), I imagine I would be spending more money.
We could do it now if I really wanted to but I'd rather work. We can even survive on my income alone, we'd just have to get rid of some of our toys if we want to keep saving. We're on Christmas break so I only have to work 1 day a week and that's only to keep up with the work load so I don't fall behind. It's only been one week and I'm going nuts trying to find something to do.
Cost of childcare is the thing that we weighed most before I quit my steady job to freelance. I was basically coming out even between childcare and my take-home pay (not including 401K and transit & healthcare benefits). So, it would not have made much of an impact on our budget if I had stopped working completely. I didn't, but switching to freelance reduced our childcare costs.
ETA: We didn't have any debt besides our mortgage when we had DD. Having a child wasn't even a consideration when we were still dealing with law school debts. I think this answers to this question will vary so much because everyone's financial picture is different when they have kids.
Hard to say. I guess the simple answer is that I'd want him to make the equivalent of what we're making combined right now. That way we could continue our current standard of living without interruption, although of course a baby would add expense. But I guess if I wasn't working, I wouldn't need to spend as much money on gas, clothing, occasional lunches, etc so perhaps the savings would offset the increased spending on baby clothing/gear/diapers. Particularly if we made some minor cutbacks in other areas, we could make it work.
But this simple idea is complicated by the fact that if DH made what we make combined, I'd want to get more money into savings and pay off more debt. Right now we're kind of keeping up with life, rather than getting ahead. If we made more money, I'd like to get ahead. There are also things we're not doing now - like traveling as much as we'd like - that would be nice to do if we made more money. So I may have trouble turning down the higher income in favor of being home.
On another hand, though, I am almost certain that we wouldn't have time to enjoy life if we were both working full time with a baby, so perhaps the lack of travel and high savings account would be worth the extra time we'd have to enjoy being parents and the satisfaction I'd have from being home. I do think I'd like being a SAHM and the fact that I can't be one is a major turnoff to having kids at all. I don't know that I'd like or be good at being a working mom.
Post by hbomdiggity on Dec 6, 2012 14:11:09 GMT -5
What we make now combined. Since we make about the same DH would have to double his salary.
Because I refuse to take another bar exam I've told DH that if he wants to take another job out of state it better be enough $$ for me to stay at home.
If I wasn't bringing in a salary, we'd probably need at least an extra $1k a month to be somewhat comfortable. MH is due for a raise but his school hasn't had a contract for a few years now.
Right now, I would guess that I would SAH. MH works two teaching jobs and doesn't work at all during the summer, so one of us would probably have to take on a summer job while the other stayed with the kid.
My mom works FT but IDK if she'd be interested in an early retirement to watch our kid(s). My brother and sister both work PT so we could bring it up with them to see if they'd be interested. FIL is retired and has all the time in the world, but I honestly don't know if he'd be up to watching a small kid all day every day.
We live in a pretty LCOL area (mid-sized town in TX), and right now H makes 50K and I make 75K. We don't have kids now but plan to start a family in a couple years.
I think I would start working part-time if H made at least 70K. I have a pretty high earning potential (for our area), so I don't think I would quit working completely regardless. We made a combined income of 87K when we moved into our house and our expenses haven't really changed since then, so I would be fine living on a total income of 90K or so.
There is no number. It all depends on history (student loans, credit card debt), overall costs in your area and your desired standard of living.
With our first kid I could have stayed home no problem even though we're in a HCOL area. Once we moved we need my salary to swing everything. I never wanted to stay home which is a seperate issue.
Overall though -- I don't think people with small kids travel the way they do prior to kids. First off it is expensive particularly once your kid is 2 and needs a seat to fly. Second of all kids often just don't travel as well as adults. We're planning our first family vacation when my kids are 3 and 4.5 and it will just be a 2-3 trip to a local amusement park. I'm not going to jet off to Europe any time soon.
I definitely would never bank on someone continuing to be in an industry that is high demand. You never know what will happen to the industry long term. So, just because head hunters call all the time now doesn't mean anything. Heck, head hunters calling doesn't mean much of anything either. H got a ton of calls for business jobs during the down turn. That doesn't mean he would have easily obtained those jobs. Head hunters, unless looking for really high level jobs, often canvas.
I'm assuming you're saying this in response to what I said above, and I completely agree with you. Having a head hunter leave a message on your work phone along with everyone else in your department is far different than going through the entire process and receiving a written offer.
The last time DH did so, the job was $20,000 over what he was making and included a company car. It was across town, and he loves his current office, so he didn't really want to leave, but for that kind of change, he was going to take the new job. He presented it to his boss, who then was able to negotiate with their home office in Germany to keep him. It was a case where his boss just needed a reason to get the higher ups to agree to pay him more. They couldn't meet the offer, but he did get a $10,000 bump plus a split commission on new sales. Since then he's been promoted and heads the entire engineering department managing the electrical, chemical and mechanical operations for US division. I'm so proud of him I wish I could scream it from the roof tops.
That being said, when we decided on me staying home, he was just a lead electrical engineer. Our expenses, outside of the inherent costs associated with having children, haven't changed at all. DH bought the house we're living in when he was single, and there was a time where we were renting out a condo I owned in Denver at a loss of $500 a month before we were able to sell it (at a loss that basically ate my entire severance :-( ).
We save and donate a lot more now, but our lifestyle isn't all that different. If we had to, we could live on half his current salary without the commission or about 3/4 of what I was making in 2010. If the market for electrical or civil engineering (DH's masters is in civil) and the market for property underwriting and marketing completely dries up, then it wouldn't matter if we were both working anyway.
Also, most importantly, I like staying home for this time. We plan on having all our kids close together, and there are certainly times I wish I was back to work when it's crazy around here. I look forward to it because as others have said, a lot of my self worth was tied up in my career. But 7-10 years at home works for our family for now. Who knows.. maybe I'll find something part time on the agency or brokerage side once the kids are old enough for preschool.
Post by diamondsnpearls22 on Dec 6, 2012 19:28:10 GMT -5
I could stay at home now, and DH makes around $80ish. We live in a HCOL and live a comfortable lifestyle and save for retirement. We have no debt (besides a mortgage which is manageable), so this makes it a lot easier.
DH makes a very good living and I know he'd love it if I stayed home but I've realized I'm just not cut out for it. My income is pure fun money/savings and people probable judge me for working when I don't have to, but I LOVE my job and I need that structure in my life. So I guess the short answer is that no amount of money would make me SAH.
We *Could* do it now on Dh's salary, but I like to work, and we like the extra $ for travel, fun stuff, savings, etc.
If he gets to the point where he is earning another 100K per year I would strongly consider staying home, but I don't know for sure. I earn much less than DH but I like having my own income.
Overall though -- I don't think people with small kids travel the way they do prior to kids. First off it is expensive particularly once your kid is 2 and needs a seat to fly. Second of all kids often just don't travel as well as adults. We're planning our first family vacation when my kids are 3 and 4.5 and it will just be a 2-3 trip to a local amusement park. I'm not going to jet off to Europe any time soon.
I guess we are an anomaly though, we do travel with the kids overseas and we've enjoyed it every time. My working allows us to take an international trip with them every year for a few weeks.
As for the SAH thing, been there, done that, not for me, not for all the money in the world, I love to work.
I do work 20 hours a week (three six hour days) and that's a good fit for us. We don't need my income to pay the bills but it helps with extras, travel and savings. Plus I love my job and it makes me feel whole.
I think it is degrading for women to say they are working "for fun money". Or that their salary pays for daycare. WTF?
I have been annoyed by this post because of the apparent assumption that the mom would give up her career but not the dad. (That's the way I read into it anyway).
However, it's realistic for the lower earning spouse to state their income in those terms because their job is the optional one. One parent has to work and if its going to only be one, it makes sense for the higher earning spouse to do so.
Post by UnderProtest on Dec 6, 2012 22:27:12 GMT -5
For us, it was more a lifestyle choice than solely a financial choice. Before we got married, we talked about the importance of a parent staying at home. He always knew what he wanted to do in life and got a very specific degree based on this. I kind of fell into my job. I even had to change jobs due to a conflict of interests between our jobs as he was deemed more important in his role. So he always had the career and I had the job. Due to his work, we knew that the majority of child responsibility would fall to me whether or not I worked. Given that we made financial preparations for me to stay at home from the very beginning. He bought a house when he made half of what he does now. When we got married, we started plugging extra money to the mortgage (along with fully funding our 401k). This kind of served as living on one salary and saving the rest, but wasn't quite as structured or rigid. Due to our preparations (and taking much longer to conceive than we thought), our house was paid off when I had the kids. The money we had been using to pay the mortgage now goes to my retirement savings and the kids' college, so we didn't need for him to make more to maintain our current lifestyle. If his career goes as planned, he will get a great promotion and we will be even more comfortable.
I will say there are days when I wish I could still work part time as I miss the social interaction and structure of a work environment, but logistically, it would be more difficult than its worth.