Anyone done a will or a trust?

[achase123]

I have an appointment with a lawyer this afternoon to work on my estate planning. I know I need to get this ironed out, especially for the details about what would happen to P if I were to pass away.

I have full physical AND legal custody. I want to specify that I would like my mom to take car of P, if something were to happen to me. What I'm unsure about is whether or not XH would have any influence over this or not. It will be interesting to find out.

Has anyone else gotten this done yet, or is anyone thinking about doing it? I'm curious what everyone else is/would put in their documents when it comes to their children.

[turtle1120]

I'm in a similar situation to you and I did ask my attorney about this (although I haven't done anything yet and I really need to). I was told that you can leave your child to whomever you want, and then it would be up to your XH to fight for custody. I don't know if that applies in every state though.

ETA: I also plan on giving my parents custody of my DD if anything were to happen to me. My Ex is not capable of raising a child on his own full-time.

[achase123]

Dec 6, 2012 13:08:04 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

I'm in a similar situation to you and I did ask my attorney about this (although I haven't done anything yet and I really need to). I was told that you can leave your child to whomever you want, and then it would be up to your XH to fight for custody. I don't know if that applies in every state though.

ETA: I also plan on giving my parents custody of my DD if anything were to happen to me. My Ex is not capable of raising a child on his own full-time.

Good to know. I remember that you and I are in similar situations with X's that struggle with addiction. XH is too much of a wild card to raise a child on his own.

[formerlyak]

I would consider naming a second person in the event that your mom isn't around. I know you are close to your mom and your mom loves P and would take care of him in a heartbeat, but life is odd and takes interesting twists. Given your situation with your ex, you may want a person in there in case your mom isn't around or isn't physically able to care for P. Your brother? A close friend?

[roselis]

I still need to do mine....
However, since XH and I have shared custody, I am naming him to get sole if something were to happen to me. If he goes first, my brother Danny has agreed to be guardian of Alex. Of all of my siblings, he is the one I trust the most to raise him.

[blackkitty]

I need to do mine but doesn't it say in your divorce agreement who will get custody of your son if something happens to you? And just because you have custody in my state at least you don't get to name who gets custody if you die, it automatically goes to the other biological parent. I am guessing that is not the case with you. Interesting.

[achase123]

Dec 7, 2012 7:21:18 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I need to do mine but doesn't it say in your divorce agreement who will get custody of your son if something happens to you? And just because you have custody in my state at least you don't get to name who gets custody if you die, it automatically goes to the other biological parent. I am guessing that is not the case with you. Interesting.

MCC-this lawyer was on the short list of people who the Metlife policy would pay for. Essentially I'm getting a will done for free through him. He wasn't that busy, I made the appt. last week.

BK-I found out in the meeting with the lawyer that I can state my wishes of wanting P to go to my mom first, then my father second but it would be that they would have to fight XH for P. So basically I need to do my best to stay alive so P doesn't end up with XH full time

[turtle1120]

You can still name your parents, Achase. If they're anything like my parents, they'd probably fight to the bitter end to get custody of P. I have to think in a situation where a parent who has sole custody of a child passes away, that the court would probably be a little hesitant to give the kid to the parent who wasn't fit for joint custody. That's what I'm hoping at least.

I really need to get my butt in gear and go take care of that stuff too.

[achase123]

Dec 7, 2012 9:37:20 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

You can still name your parents, Achase. If they're anything like my parents, they'd probably fight to the bitter end to get custody of P. I have to think in a situation where a parent who has sole custody of a child passes away, that the court would probably be a little hesitant to give the kid to the parent who wasn't fit for joint custody. That's what I'm hoping at least.

I really need to get my butt in gear and go take care of that stuff too.

Yah, I did, turtle. I named my mom as first and my father as second. I know my mom would fight tooth and nail to keep P from going with XH, at least not full time. He's doing ok now but who knows what the future holds for him. He's a big wildcard and I'm not betting P's future on that. It will specifically say in the docs that I don't want P to go with him. It will even state his name. But the attorney stressed that it was only my wishes, not something the court would necessarily uphold, so to speak.

[spindle92]

Dec 7, 2012 9:41:12 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Dec 7, 2012 9:37:20 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

You can still name your parents, Achase. If they're anything like my parents, they'd probably fight to the bitter end to get custody of P. I have to think in a situation where a parent who has sole custody of a child passes away, that the court would probably be a little hesitant to give the kid to the parent who wasn't fit for joint custody. That's what I'm hoping at least.

I really need to get my butt in gear and go take care of that stuff too.

Yah, I did, turtle. I named my mom as first and my father as second. I know my mom would fight tooth and nail to keep P from going with XH, at least not full time. He's doing ok now but who knows what the future holds for him. He's a big wildcard and I'm not betting P's future on that. It will specifically say in the docs that I don't want P to go with him. It will even state his name. But the attorney stressed that it was only my wishes, not something the court would necessarily uphold, so to speak.

My friend is in the middle of her will and estate planning right now. She was never married to Baby daddy and he really was only around for the first few months of babies life.
My friend is incredibly wealthy, and the child has a huge trust fund set up. She named her brother and SIL as custodians in the event of her death and also stated that they are to used all means necessary (financially) to keep baby daddy away from the child.