No Contact.

[rikkiandjulie]

I sent the man that I cheated on DW with a no contact text. Yes a text. I called him and told him this was coming on Tuesday. Text just seemed to fit our relationship best. This is what I said.

"XXX.. DW and I are going to go to counseling, and for that to happen you and I can't talk on any level. We were never just friends (like you think) we had an affair emotional and physical. That changes the rules. For DW and I to ever get back to a really good place, I have to let you go completely. My sisters will be deleting and blocking you on Facebook, and I will block you as well. I know all of this will be hard for you, but we can't be friends of any kind. Not at all. Its done too much damage and will continue to do so. I'm sorry but this is me letting go 100%. It's not easy but it's for the best. Please understand, and delete my number, DWs , and my sisters if you have them. We are just two people that crossed paths but are now strangers. I'm sorry bc I know this hurts you but it's best for my marriage and my life.
Goodbye. -Rikki"

I feel like weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Out with the garbage that I got wrapped up in because he's manipulative. That is NOT an excuse for my affair I know, but as a man and a friend he was and still is very manipulative person. Would threaten suicide and such if I said we needed to stop the EA affair, and then would freaking tell me everything a girl would want to here seconds later. I'm SO done, just wish it didn't take me damaging my marriage so badly to be this done.

Anyways, I feel a little accomplished.



Rikki-iPhone

[Deleted]

I think you made a really great choice and I hope you can make a clean break from this person.

[doriswe]

can I ask why you did it? not judging but my XH did the call/email but it was it was only to appease me.

[rikkiandjulie]

Dec 6, 2012 19:11:07 GMT -5 doriswe said:

can I ask why you did it? not judging but my XH did the call/email but it was it was only to appease me.

I did it because I needed closure. DW never made mention of it. Not once.


Rikki-iPhone

[prettyinpearls]

I think you did a really good thing. If he replies, are you going to ignore him?

[rikkiandjulie]

Dec 6, 2012 20:55:39 GMT -5 prettyinpearls said:

I think you did a really good thing. If he replies, are you going to ignore him?

I'm getting a new number here in a few days. It won't be an issues and I don't have his memorized. I already deleted it from my phone. I also don't know his home address, he recently moved, I don't know his email either.


Rikki-iPhone

[doriswe]

Dec 6, 2012 19:20:48 GMT -5 rikkiandjulie said:

Dec 6, 2012 19:11:07 GMT -5 doriswe said:

can I ask why you did it? not judging but my XH did the call/email but it was it was only to appease me.

I did it because I needed closure. DW never made mention of it. Not once.


Rikki-iPhone

I'm glad you did it for you and not to appease her!

[howardandbear]

First let me tell you that reading this is hard because I find it extremely hard to find sympathy for a cheater due to some of my own personal experiences. Deleting the other person from your life was crucial and the fact that you did it on your own was the right thing to do. But your post comes off as a little aw look at me I did the right thing gold star for me-ish. You did an obvious thing that needed to be done to fix your marriage. Something that should not be brought to your dw's attention. It should only be addressed if asked about.
Going to couples therapy is very good. However you need individual therapy to figure out why you would put someone you love and still want to be with thru all of this.

[glitzyglow]

Howardandbear, most people at survivinginfidelity's website would vehemently disagree with your post. The wayward spouse's openness about creating a No Contact letter/text/email and sending it shows the betrayed how the wayward is working to create a change and is a positive step toward rebuilding trust and security. If done in secret, it does nothing for the betrayed. It can be viewed as a sort of "vow" rebuilding. If the wayward can send such a letter and honor it (and be held accountable by the betrayed), it's a step in the right direction. The thought is that waywards were/are selfish enough and something like No Contact letter sent in secret and for their own personal healing can misinterpreted as selfish. Opening oneself up to accountability and letter the betrayed know they are an important reasoning for creating the No Contact letter and much less egocentric.

Rikki, I commend you for writing that. Have you read Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley Glass? It is raved about by both the betrayed and waywards. I never had the need to read it since my wayward didn't seek redemption.

[rikkiandjulie]

I wasn't trying to seek sympathy, I was just sharing. Sorry to offend you.


Rikki-iPhone

[rikkiandjulie]

And I've been it Individual
Counseling for quite sometime now, and will continue to do so.

DW is aware of the letter ONLY bc today she asked if we talked recently, and today was the day I sent it. I told her I sent a letter ending contact of all kinds. She said "I hope you did that for you and not me, even though I am thankful you did."

Again sorry to stir the pot.


Rikki-iPhone

[Deleted]

Dec 7, 2012 3:20:56 GMT -5 rikkiandjulie said:

And I've been it Individual
Counseling for quite sometime now, and will continue to do so.

DW is aware of the letter ONLY bc today she asked if we talked recently, and today was the day I sent it. I told her I sent a letter ending contact of all kinds. She said "I hope you did that for you and not me, even though I am thankful you did."

Again sorry to stir the pot.


Rikki-iPhone

Rikki please don't feel bad about sharing. I think everyone makes mistakes. I didn't feel like it was AW. I think you're sharing your journey. And I know doing something like that can be really hard, so I can understand how you would feel good about taking positive steps toward working on your marriage.

[gozf]

Rikki, you have nothing to apologize for.