There is chatter from ds that his dad and gf are thinking of moving. Currently we both live in the same city -- about a mile from each other and very close to ds' school. I have primary custody and ex has ds EOW and Wednesday overnights. The city they are thinking of moving to isn't far, but in LA traffic it would mean ds getting picked up at school around 5:30, not getting home until 6:30 or 7, then having to do his homework (about an hour between the written homework and the reading requirement), eat dinner and go to bed. Right now his bed time is 8:00 and there is no way that would happen on Wednesdays if dad moved. Also, it would mean getting up an hour earlier on Thursday mornings to get to school on time. DS already complains he is tired on the day after he sleeps at his dad's house, so this would make that worse.
On top of that, with him being that far away if you factor soccer practice and baseball practice and the like into the mix, Wednesday nights could be even later. We have no say over what night his practices are on. We are assigned to a team and the league assigns a practice time.
Anyway, I couldn't care less if he moved. And the EOW would be fine. It's the Wednesday overnights that concern me if the move happens. Anyone deal with this? Any suggestions on schedules if this move happens that will help minimize the impact on ds during the week? I know ex won't give up his overnight, and I'd be ok with moving it to Fridays or Sundays (because that would only effect the Monday morning drop off not the Wednesday night homework and sports times) on ex's off weekends, but I know ex's gf wouldn't agree to that. She seems put out any time they have to schedule around ex's visitation time.
Well, first of all it isnt GF's choice it is XH's and if he listens to GF than he is the asswipe..not her(it isnt her child) Dont assume anything until you talk to the dad. Dont assume they actually are moving...it could just be chatter If and when they do then you will have to have a talk with him and see what happens. hopefully you can solve this before you get yourself all worked up over what ifs...and maybes.
Also please dont blame GF for choices you H makes!
Well, first of all it isnt GF's choice it is XH's and if he listens to GF than he is the asswipe..not her(it isnt her child) Dont assume anything until you talk to the dad. Dont assume they actually are moving...it could just be chatter If and when they do then you will have to have a talk with him and see what happens. hopefully you can solve this before you get yourself all worked up over what ifs...and maybes.
Also please dont blame GF for choices you H makes!
Oh I am not placing undue blame on gf. When I talk with ex about anything ds related, he brings her into the mix and HE uses her as the reason he isn't at certain activities for ds or why he doesn't see him on certain holidays or why he brought ds late to his own birthday party or why he couldn't help pay for said birthday party. Ex is the one that blames her. I'm just going by what he says.
I did ask ex about the potential move. It is really a consideration -- they just haven't decided on when. I asked if he thought about how that would affect ds and visitation during the week being that it was an hour away and he said it wasn't a factor in their decision to move or not to move. They want to move to this city because gf's friend is moving there.
Post by rikkiandjulie on Dec 6, 2012 19:50:00 GMT -5
That does seem like a hassle, but there will be a way to make it work. A nap in the car, or grabbing dinner on the road and straight to homework, it may take cutting a corner but its managable.
That does seem like a hassle, but there will be a way to make it work. A nap in the car, or grabbing dinner on the road and straight to homework, it may take cutting a corner but its managable.
Rikki-iPhone
A nap in the car at 5:30 would mean bedtime wouldn't happen until midnight unfortunately. DS has never been a napper. I called him "Mr. Never Nap" as a baby. If he happens to fall asleep -- which sometimes does happen in the car if he is very tired -- it means he doesn't go to sleep until much, much later.
Before you try to figure out what is "going to" happen, make sure something is actually happening. Tell your XH, in advance, the willingness on your part to move his Wed overnight. Try to sell it in a way that it would seem beneficial to him. GL!
Does your Ex even intend to keep having the overnight visit during the week after the move? Maybe he'll just give it up and go to EOW?
I wouldn't agree to keep the overnight on Wednesdays. That's too much time in the car for your DS on a school night and then again the next morning. If you can't agree on how to handle it, you'll have to go back to court.
I'm prepared if I need to. I'm just hoping to avoid it. We've been successful at compromising and staying out of court for the past three years, so history would indicate we can continue to do so. However, ex has been in a particularly grumpy mood lately, so I guess I'm hoping for the best but prepping for the worst.
Also, I never saw my dad on my weekday visitation ... That one day didn't really make or break anything fwiw. I know the break is nice midweek.
Rikki-iPhone
It's not about me getting a break mid week. I'd be fine without it. It's about the fact that ds likes spending time with his dad, and I believe he should spend time with his dad. I just want to be prepared with visitation options to suggest if/when ex moves that would be fair to all involved - especially ds.
I feel like this is minor and something his dad is capable of figuring out since it is during his parenting time. I'd give up trying to control how he parents on his parenting time. It will make life easier for everyone. If he comes to you with the solution of moving the day deal with it then.
I feel like this is minor and something his dad is capable of figuring out since it is during his parenting time. I'd give up trying to control how he parents on his parenting time. It will make life easier for everyone. If he comes to you with the solution of moving the day deal with it then.
HA! You give his dad way too much credit. Unfortunately, my ex doesn't even think of how things will affect other people, so it would never occur to him that 2 hours less of sleep on a school night would impact ds' classroom performance, let alone his homework time. Ex barely graduated from high school -- understanding how to manage school-related activities isn't his strong suit.