Anyone staged an intervention w/ a parent?

[pugz]

I have not been in your shoes but I do think you're fighting an uphill battle with both parents being drinkers You could express your concern and offer support, but I don't know that an "intervention" would really do anything other than create friction between you.

[Deleted]

Honestly, I think you probably are better off going to Al-Anon. You can't fix her if she doesn't want fixing.

[joenali]

Dh and his family staged one for his dad. His dad had no idea how much the alcohol affected everyone. He's been sober for a year. Hopefully he keeps it up.

[Mashara]

I understand what you mean about no conversations after 6pm. My MIL is the same way. Her best friend anonymously left a book about alcoholism at her house last year. After the whole dust up over who left the book, I think they had a talk. She "quit" drinking for a few days or maybe a week--quit in quotation marks because wine evidently doesn't count as drinking.

That was pretty much it. My husband now makes a point of calling her during the day, otherwise she won't remember. We try and have holiday dinners early and leave before she gets bad. By bad, I mean last Christmas Eve she had a fit, yelled at somebody, wandered off to change into her nightgown, and then stayed in her room crying.

Sorry I don't have any ideas on the intervention. Good luck.

[holly116]

I feel for you and am hoping for some more suggestions in this thread.

FIL is an alcoholic. He owns his own business and basically drinks beer all day long. When DH was out of town for work for two weeks in June, I went to stay with them and he can home lit every night, ate dinner, and passed out on the couch by 7. I'll never stay with them with just me and my kids again. They live about 100 miles away, and I seriously think they've been on their best behavior till this past year.

Another dreadful episode: We were all in New Orleans for a wedding in September. My in-law's flight landed at 11:00 am and 3 hours later when we got there, they were fall down drunk. Literally. We left our hotel to get an early dinner at 4 hoping to sober them up some, FIL tripped on the sidewalk, fell flat on his face and chipped the whole front of his mouth.

Then the next morning, he ordered a stiff drink for lunch. He fell because the sidewalks were bad, it had nothing to do with being drunk. The next day they were taking pictures and laughing about his teeth. It was mortifying and I certainly wasn't laughing. MIL kept saying "we only had two drinks!" Like they are some sort of lightweights. At one point I said, "No, you had 10 drinks, they just happened to be in 2 cups". That ended that excuse.

My husband cornered and told his mom the next time we saw them that we are really concerned. She responded that she had that fight with FIL for 15 years and he's not going to change.. So what? Do we just let him slowly kill himself and risk him killing someone else on his drive home from work?

I'll tell you what, I'm not having my kids around that. It's bad enough that my DH had to grow up thinking that your dad having a couple DUIs and drinking all the time is normal. Not in this house. The last time they came to visit, they texted me on the way to let me know they would be a little later - had to stop at the liquor store. (We live just across the state line and its cheaper here). I point blank told them, no beer in this house, which sucked because I could have certainly used a drink myself. I just wanted to make it clear that this isn't a place for getting sloshed. Too bad they already had two CASES in the trunk that they waited to bring in till my DH got home from work. It sat on the kitchen floor, untouched, the whole weekend.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to limit my kids time with family that loves them to pieces, but I don't want drunks around them either. I just with to God FIL would see how detrimental and pathetic his actions were and would stop in his own accord. But with a enabling wife and zero consequences, I don't see that happening. I'm not shy and I know that my MIL feels that we've pulled away since New Orleans. Blah.

[protozoa]

Your post reminds me of my MIL. I mentioned her in the post the other day; she had gastric bypass several years ago and drinks a lot now. FIL died earlier this year which I am sure has an impact on this/

I am also interested to see peoples' responses.

[lys]

AlAnon for you STAT!
A counselor could also help with Co-depencancy and being a child of alcoholics. They could also advice on intervention teckniques. (but don't hold out too much hope it will be the magic cure).

Alcoholism is horrible and impacts more than those who are drinking. AlAnon will help you learn how to set boundaries and take care of yourself.

[SusanBAnthony]

I am so sorry. My grandparents were like that- they started with a cocktail before dinner, then wine with dinner, and they drank too much almost every night. They didn't really hurt anyone, they didn't go anywhere. They certainly hurt familial relationships! When we visited nighttime was torture (I didn't notice as a kid but did as I grew up) bc they were obnoxious and argumentative. Forget calling them on the phone at night.

My grandma died, and we were all really worried about my grandpa. He ended up meeting and marrying a new lady who is a former alcoholic, in recovery through AA for 20+ years. She wouldn't put up with it, and he changed for her. We are all so so so glad! He does still drink, and can moderate just fine. I know some people would argue that means he isn't an alcoholic, but in his case I disagree. It isn't perfect, there are certain situations, with certain old sinking buddies, where he will drink to much. But 99% of the time, he can have 1 or 2 and stop.