Found email to husband from prostitute

[rosem80]

I guess I need to vent, I'm just so pissed and I don't want to tell anyone since this is embarrassing. I was checking my husbands emails, long story he doesn't know I can access his account. He's working in Iraq and was married before and has children.
Anyway I click on an email and its a response to a message he sent to a backpage listing from a prostitute who works in our area. He asked if he could see her when he gets back from Iraq in December.
I know this isn't just spam since he lists both the country he works in and the timeframe he'll be home. A couple of years ago He had a weekend fling with a girl he met in Kuwait, and when confronted he denied everything to me and told her to only email him at work. I talked to her a year later and she told me everything. I was so shocked last time so we fought but he promised to never do it again.
This time I'm just going to confront and tell him we're done. He's in Iraq now and won't be back for 2 weeks. I don't want to talk about this over the phone.
I have a counselor that I'm going to talk to next week and then I'll probably tell my parents since we live in the same town and I might have to stay with them.
I'm in the middle of finals for law school so I'm trying to focus on that but I feel like I'm carrying this huge secret.

[Deleted]

Sorry, that sucks.

Lawyer up and DTMFA.

[winecat]

Go to survivinginfidelity.com. Also, start looking around for lawyers and copy all of your financial and legal papers. I'd also pull credit reports for both of you. Set up a bank account in your name only. I don't think I'd transfer any money until you know he is on the plane (if you want to do this.)

I'm so sorry you're going through this but it will get better.

[jojoandleo]

Dec 8, 2012 17:40:42 GMT -5 rosem80 said:

I guess I need to vent, I'm just so pissed and I don't want to tell anyone since this is embarrassing. I was checking my husbands emails, long story he doesn't know I can access his account. He's working in Iraq and was married before and has children.
Anyway I click on an email and its a response to a message he sent to a backpage listing from a prostitute who works in our area. He asked if he could see her when he gets back from Iraq in December.
I know this isn't just spam since he lists both the country he works in and the timeframe he'll be home. A couple of years ago He had a weekend fling with a girl he met in Kuwait, and when confronted he denied everything to me and told her to only email him at work. I talked to her a year later and she told me everything. I was so shocked last time so we fought but he promised to never do it again.
This time I'm just going to confront and tell him we're done. He's in Iraq now and won't be back for 2 weeks. I don't want to talk about this over the phone.
I have a counselor that I'm going to talk to next week and then I'll probably tell my parents since we live in the same town and I might have to stay with them.
I'm in the middle of finals for law school so I'm trying to focus on that but I feel like I'm carrying this huge secret.

I am sorry. I am in the middle of law school finals right now as well and I know how stressful they are WITHOUT anything else. Put this out of your mind and focus on YOU. HE doesn't matter anymore.

Like PP said, check out Surviving Infidelity. I'd start moving money into a separate account he doesn't have access to, get your finances together, and see a lawyer about your options.

[rosem80]

Thanks for the support! I'm using the time to copy financial records, take him off my life insurance, update wills and power of attorney. I have my own account and we have a joint but I think if I take my half out of the joint account he'll become more adversarial. I'm taking all my copies of legal documents to my parents safe, any some family heirlooms I'd be upset if he broke or with held. It's nice to know others have survived

[jojoandleo]

Dec 8, 2012 18:03:37 GMT -5 rosem80 said:

Thanks for the support! I'm using the time to copy financial records, take him off my life insurance, update wills and power of attorney. I have my own account and we have a joint but I think if I take my half out of the joint account he'll become more adversarial. I'm taking all my copies of legal documents to my parents safe, any some family heirlooms I'd be upset if he broke or with held. It's nice to know others have survived

I would slowly funnel. He can empty that entire account if he wants and their is NOTHING you can do about it. Protect yourself. He is PAYING FOR SEX, who knows what else he will spend YOUR joint money on.

[rosem80]

Good point I don't want to depend on him doing to right, in case he drains everything overnight.

[winecat]

Dec 8, 2012 18:28:18 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

Dec 8, 2012 18:03:37 GMT -5 rosem80 said:

Thanks for the support! I'm using the time to copy financial records, take him off my life insurance, update wills and power of attorney. I have my own account and we have a joint but I think if I take my half out of the joint account he'll become more adversarial. I'm taking all my copies of legal documents to my parents safe, any some family heirlooms I'd be upset if he broke or with held. It's nice to know others have survived

You should move the money now. My therapist told me women always get screwed because they wait and believe their husband would never drain their accounts but they do it all the time

I took much more than half our saving and put it in my own account. My ex didn't fight me for it.

Very true. My advise came from my situation in which it was safer to wait while he was occupied. BUT, I was just lucky. I found that he was planning to drain the account and I beat him to it. Listen to redvelvet, take the money now. I'd forgotten the worst part.

[mcgee]

Welcome to the club. I also found out via his email that my husband was cheating with whores he met via Ashley Madison. He has lied and denied so many times that I can no longer tell when he's being honest about anything. If your husband has done this to you before, he will do it again. And again. And again. See a lawyer asap. Make copies of all important financial information, and set aside some money. Take important things he might destroy in anger like precious family photos or heirlooms and get the out of the house - take them to your parents' home or something.

I found out my husband was cheating Labor Day weekend. A week ago I moved out of state (with his permission) with our children, and we are officially divorcing. It's actually been amicable in our situation, but you never know how someone will react to getting caught cheating and to the news that you want a divorce.

I am so sorry you are going through this, and that you had to find out during finals.

[Deleted]

Im sorry that you are going through this but it is so refreshing, to see a woman who has her act together, an action plan and a determ.ined mind. good for you

[gozf]

Dec 8, 2012 19:57:20 GMT -5 mags said:

Im sorry that you are going through this but it is so refreshing, to see a woman who has her act together, an action plan and a determ.ined mind. good for you

Right??

OP, I'm very sorry you're going through this. I want to buy you a drink!


Sent from my iPhone using ProBoards app

[doriswe]

I'm sorry you found yourself here....but it really does sound like you have your crap together!

[achase123]

That sucks, I came across similar things when I was married. Good for you for putting your foot down. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you're going through this, especially during your exams. I'm glad you have your parents to lean on for support and you have a good head on your shoulders. You deserve much more than this. Do as the others say and look into lawyering up and your finances. Best wishes on your exams. Stick around here for support. ( weekends are slow so don't worry about not too many responses) ({) (})

[leslieknope]

Sorry you are dealing with this. These ladies give great advice and are so supportive. Stay strong. ((hugs))

[rosem80]

Thank you all for being so encouraging, it really means a lot to see so many positive replies!
All of the advice has been great, and definitely given me more to think about so I'm better prepared. I've found an attorney that I'm going to meet with before he's home.
I just couldn't believe he gave a prostitute his regular email which includes his real first and last name. His last name is pretty unique, there's only one other person in our region with his name. Just by googling his name you can get our home address. I keep thinking if he had done this, someone could have tried to rob our house while he was getting "serviced."
Not to mention the disgusting diseases he could have passed on to me, we're passed counseling I just want to get out of here as quickly as possible.

[mcgee]

Have you been tested for STDs yet? If not, I'd do that ASAP.

[explorer2001]

You have your head on your shoulders right. Get to the doctor and get STD tested ASAP and do a six month.and annual follow up. Also be careful working with military family services and his command. Adultry is a crime punishable in military court that could effect his career. However there are also rules that restrict civilian spouses ability to divorce a deployed member of the military. Hang in there. Hugs!

[bullygirl979]

You will get through this! It will suck and it will hurt but down the road you will look back at all this and will feel like a far off dream.

Here is my advice:
take your half as you do not want to be screwed. He can legally drain it all.
If you have any joint CC, you may want to think about closing them. Again, you don't want to get stuck with any additional debt should he decide to get spiteful.
I would see a lawyer ASAP. Before he comes back. Find out what you need to do so you are prepared when he does come home. Definitely print out and save those emails. They will come in handy. Like explorer said, adultry is punishable in the military. Those emails might be good leverage to make him play nice.
Get into counseling ASAP if you're not already doing it. YOU did NOTHING wrong. Don't hold this secret. You need support from family and friends.

[jade28]

That sucks but you seem to have such a good head on your shoulders that I am so rooting for you and just know you are better without this man. I mean you seriously seem awesome.

I think you have gotten great advice. The fact that you have time to get everything in order is perfect. You will be in a good place once he comes back. It's good to take care of everything logistically and focus on what you need to do but just make sure you address the emotional issues when the time comes. It can be an up and down process but you will get through it and be better for it. I feel like only good stuff is ahead for you!

[awick14]

I'm sorry you find yourself here. ((Hugs))

It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. The only advise I will add is that you should tell your family/friends at least tell someone that will be able to give you some support when you need it. But also stick around here the ladies here are awesome!