This describes my first boyfriend, with some minor differences in details. I'd get the EFF out of there now, while the relationship is only a few months old. His issues were really deep and when I was 18, I wanted to fix him and make it all better. All I got out of the whole thing was low self esteem and a crappy boyfriend.
Post by fussbucket on Dec 10, 2012 11:10:39 GMT -5
I think if she's not willing to deal with the messy side of what this guy's been through, she needs to do HIM a favor and bail.
That being said, I don't think the porn stuff is that big a deal (hey, we're all curious creatures to an extent). Who knows why he likes to keep it around? There can be reasons to keep it even if he doesn't look at it (hoarding/OCD tendencies, being able to look at how far he's come since those days).
That also being said, I personally don't think being molested at age five twice by an older boy is necessarily that big a deal, unless it was accompanied by violence or emotional abuse -- this one really depends on the details involved for me (which no, I do not want to know, but OP really should). I mean, it's not a great thing to have happened to you, but shit, kids fool around a lot, and back in the day (in my day), we didn't always see this as, like, criminal behavior if both were basically kids. I'd rate his dad dying at a relatively young age and the difficult relationship they had, as much more significant to wherever this guy finds himself today.
Post by wrathofkuus on Dec 10, 2012 11:28:28 GMT -5
The fact that even before this, it was hard for her to deal with the effects of his sad-bastard life story already had me giving pause. I don't think this is a great guy at all. I think this is a mess who gets women by pity.
It just strains belief that he kept this stuff for ten years, but only JUST moved it to a new hard drive so it would show up under recent activity. I wish she had clicked on the info for the files to see the creation date.
But even if his story is 100% accurate, she should bail.
If it is an in the past before therapy thing, my understanding is that this is super super common among kids who are sexually abused. See Michael Jackson. And yeah, I definitely hold on to completely random shit across machines... there isn't a windows restore option to avoid kiddy porn, kwim?
But, like Kuus has said in the past, love isn't a charity event. And ITA that if she already knows all *this* at 3 months in we're probably barely scratching the surface.
Yeah I mis-skimmed that part as teen porn and "teen" porn at that. This fact on its own is insta-bail for sure. But I'd at least tell the guy on my way out the door, "Yanno, this is an automatic deal-breaker for me and probably would be for most healthy adult women. You should get rid of it forever, continue with your therapy as you need to, and keep working to move your life forward. Ig nothing else, your next GF might turn you in to the feds. Good-bye and good luck."
Run don't walk away. I'm hard pressed to believe that he just transferred the whole hard drive without remembering he had that on there. This guy has some serious issues and I would not want to deal. Move on.
Exactly. The rest, fetish, fine. But child porn, no.
But then the whole, but but but it might be fake child porn. Uhm, there is a big difference between barely legal porn and preteen porn. A MASSIVE ONE!
I'd be hella squicked out if I found out mr man was looking for 21 year olds who appeared to be 12. This is to say nothing of the fact that you could end up with real child porn very easily. That's a rabbit hole you do not want to fall into.
Also, I cannot live with the possibility that the FBI will come knocking on my door one day.