Books re: keeping your marriage healthy

[urbancowgirl]

Good morning! I'm interested in reading about preserving your marriage after you have a baby. Has anyone read any of the following books? I'd love to hear your thoughts on them. Or, do you have any other recommendations?

And Baby Makes Three
To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First
Babyproofing Your Marriage

Thanks!

[mandapanda18]

I have zero recommendations for you, but this is something my H and I are actively aware of and trying to figure out the best way to approach. For us, we are selfish in our free time (which we will not have a ton of in 6 months) since we have been married 6.5 years without having to care for another person. We are already geared up to work on things, although getting him to read a book would be impossible.

I am curious to see what resources are out there... some say a baby can make or break you. I figure we have made it this long, were up for the challenge!

[Deleted]

I didn't read any books. I'd say the key is just keeping your mouth shut in the heat of the moment. Never, ever wake your husband to tell him how much you hate him in that moment at 3 a.m. Do not discuss things when the sun is down. Be as gentle as you can with each other, because the shit you say can't be taken back.

As for spare time, you'll figure it out. DH gets a night for floor hockey, I get a night for yoga. There isn't as much time, but we were back to some fun "me time" within 3 or 4 months.

[urbancowgirl]

A friend of DH's brother told us that "kids will take you to the brink" with your SO (!), so I want to be proactive in maintaining our relationship! On the surface the friend and his wife appear to have a great marriage, so H and I often wonder what happened to make him say this.

[joolz]

I agree with token. And also make an agreement that anything said to each other in the first three months doesn't count due to sleep deprivation. That was the worst part for us.

[urbancowgirl]

I bought And Baby Makes Three. I'll let you know whether it's worth reading.

[mswax]

I read Babyproofing Your Marriage, mostly b/c it was in the pumping stall at work and I was bored. There were some good tips in there like:

Your DH wants sex, even if you don't. Try to accommodate this at least once/week after the first few months. It was a struggle for me for the first year to want any kind of physical relationship with DH, as I was nursing, sleep deprived, and just so "touched out" by the end of the day. However, I found sex at least once/week did wonders for our relationship.

Don't keep score. FWIW, I still struggle with this. Ask for help when you need it, but don't keep a running tally of who did what and who has more "points."

I think it's important to acknowledge things are going to change, but honestly, until you are living it, you really comprehend how much.