Post by mrssavy42112 on Dec 12, 2012 13:22:34 GMT -5
I would’ve tried to go to the funeral too. That doesn’t seem right, but I can see that it might depend on family relationships. My familial obligation varies depending on what family member. But in general, I’m a 6ish. DH is an 11 too. He’ll bend over backwards for them, sometimes throwing me to the wind. They don’t even treat him that well. Eh, his problem.
ETA: I do understand the fact that your family is used to always attending funerals to pay your respect. I’ve been to many. Also for some people I barely knew. I even would go for people only parents knew, that way at least there was 1 person from the family ‘represented.’ Like you said, it’s just what you do. I’ve been to countless. DH can count on 1 hand.
In Kristin's defense (not that she needs it), my family is Catholic and we grew up going to a lot of friends/family funerals. I went to some for people that I barely knew to pay respect.
Post by amberlyrose on Dec 12, 2012 13:30:17 GMT -5
We're like you and your DH depending on who it is in his family. If my family lived here, I'd be over at least once a week, help my parents out around the house, take food over when they were sick, etc. H's grandma, aunt, and siblings live here and we see them every 3-6 months. We help out in extreme circumstances but it's rare.
I'm an 11, FI is probably around a 1 for his own family, but does feel a bit more obligation to my family. He does like them better, though.
I'll admit, when we first started dating, I was all in his family's business and making sure he sent out thank you cards to his family (which they don't do for some reason) and attend certain events. I also pressured him to call his family every so often.
After 7 years, I've become a lot better about this! I realize that this is HIS family first and foremost and he knows how to deal with them. It makes me sad that he doesn't call his father on his birthday, but I understand why. I still feel like we should send out thank you cards when his aunt buys him something, but I understand that this is not their custom. I still feel a little weird going along with his family's customs, but that's just what you do.