PSA: take 20min (or less) and do this

[bronxgirl]

Oy. I was talking with a friend once and I was saying something about investment accounts and she said her husband takes care of all that and sh has no idea where their money is invested, how much, etc. This is very good advice. Thanks for posting.

[Roc A Bee]

Thanks for posting this! I will do this!

[Deleted]

I think about this all the time. I pay all the bills/manage finances and have a file on my computer......but I'm bad at keeping it updated.

I'm curious - what happens if I kick the bucket tomorrow? Is there a way to make sure DH can find/get access to all the accounts?

[twodogsandababy]

My parents keep separate finances and know nothing about each others accounts. At the end of May I found my mom unconscious and she was in ICU for 5 days. Dad tried to get on her computer and pay her bills but couldn't get into anything or figure out passwords/accounts. She ended up having late charges on several accounts.

She now keeps a spreadsheet with all her information that I set up. I also have the info on my computer. She has since been hospitalized again and we needed to access it to pay her bills.

It is so important. H doesn't know any of our savings information, but he knows where I keep all our records and how I have things organized enough that if anything happened to me, he would be able to take care of things. We have all combined accounts.

[ssmjlm]

I have a notebook for DH of everything since I do all finances. I try to get him to sit down with me once a year but he won't.

Now he has an acct still at his CU I need to be added to.

[boston340]

We keep a list of all of our accounts, assets, etc. with our will. This is a great PSA.

[aspentosh]

I did this a few years back when H asked what our bank login info was. I realized at that time that if I were to die he'd have no clue where everything was.

Great reminder- I'll make sure it's up to date!

[Becca]

Also, it will make your lives a lot easier if you have each others names on your accounts. DH and I have separate bank accounts, but we added each others names to our accounts, and it has made life a lot easier dealing with finance stuff while he is in the hospital.

[bazealina]

This exact thing happened to me..
Please do this.
Long story (short version). My first DH passed away 6 months after we were married. It was sudden, unexpected and completely took me by surprise. We had not even merged our finances. Lets just say, there are still bank accounts that I can't access 7 years later. He didn't have a will so I would need to go to probate to access that money...probate will cost than all the money combined (since the accounts have been taking our fees yearly for 7 years the amount is even less now that it was when he died). If I had been on the account, I could have used the money to pay off his car, cell phone (never paid that one because they wouldn't tell me the balance..I just let it go until they turned it off). Also his life insurance policy listed his mom as the beneficary. She had passed away the year before. He had signed the paperwork to change it but hadn't mailed it (it was on the dining room table when he died) so that money was lost.
I can't tell you enough how important it is to keep these things updated, communicated, and with both names...

[cahabalily]

Dec 14, 2012 7:21:08 GMT -5 @bazealina said:

This exact thing happened to me..
Please do this.
Long story (short version). My first DH passed away 6 months after we were married. It was sudden, unexpected and completely took me by surprise. We had not even merged our finances. Lets just say, there are still bank accounts that I can't access 7 years later. He didn't have a will so I would need to go to probate to access that money...probate will cost than all the money combined (since the accounts have been taking our fees yearly for 7 years the amount is even less now that it was when he died). If I had been on the account, I could have used the money to pay off his car, cell phone (never paid that one because they wouldn't tell me the balance..I just let it go until they turned it off). Also his life insurance policy listed his mom as the beneficary. She had passed away the year before. He had signed the paperwork to change it but hadn't mailed it (it was on the dining room table when he died) so that money was lost.
I can't tell you enough how important it is to keep these things updated, communicated, and with both names...

Huge hugs to you, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sent from my SGH-T959V

[bazealina]

Thanks..I am re-married now. Even though DH is an attorney, it is still not worth it to go to probate. Not even sure they would hear the case at this point.
DH and I have all merged finances with each others names on everything, wills and durable power of attorney's and living wills. All this info is in one place.

[LoveTrains]

bazealina I am sorry for your loss. That sounds really difficult.

My H and I also got wills and durable power of attorney's and living wills done. I think it was a worthwhile step. We have them in our office.

However, I SHOULD take the extra time to put together something with all of our accounts because my H has no clue where our money is.

[jackie011]

I say this to DH all the time. We both have different things that are our respective responsibilities at home, and the other would have no idea how to handle those things. We went through this 5 years ago when my dad passed away, but he wasn't nearly as "connected" as we are in this generation. I keep a file with most of my passwords/accounts listed, but it's easy to slip up and not update that regularly.

I'm willing to bet this will become some new industry/service within the next few years, as we all move away from paper records and EVERYTHING requires a password these days.

[MixedBerryJam]

God forbid I should ever lose my laptop ... I'd be lost. I have a spreadsheet with every account, every login id, every password, and even a link to the account's login screen. I had a major scare a year or so ago when my laptop crashed and I brought it in to be fixed. They explained that they'd save all my data on their network for a month ... that data of course included this spreadsheet, with account numbers, login id's and passwords all conveniently provided. Oh yeah, credit card numbers, too. I was thisclose to just trashing the almost new laptop rather than risk the accounts. After I got the computer back, fixed, I watched those accounts like a hawk, but not until after I changed the login id and password fields to "hints" as opposed the the actual info.

DDH and I had completely shared finances and we both knew where everything was; the only thing I'd add to the op is to check to make sure your beneficiaries are up-to-date, too.

[Deleted]

MBJ -- another thing you should have is a backup drive.

But I'd make sure that your spreadsheet is password protected because if that gets stolen, someone could have a field day with it.

[aspentosh]

Dec 14, 2012 7:21:08 GMT -5 @bazealina said:

This exact thing happened to me..
Please do this.
Long story (short version). My first DH passed away 6 months after we were married. It was sudden, unexpected and completely took me by surprise. We had not even merged our finances. Lets just say, there are still bank accounts that I can't access 7 years later. He didn't have a will so I would need to go to probate to access that money...probate will cost than all the money combined (since the accounts have been taking our fees yearly for 7 years the amount is even less now that it was when he died). If I had been on the account, I could have used the money to pay off his car, cell phone (never paid that one because they wouldn't tell me the balance..I just let it go until they turned it off). Also his life insurance policy listed his mom as the beneficary. She had passed away the year before. He had signed the paperwork to change it but hadn't mailed it (it was on the dining room table when he died) so that money was lost.
I can't tell you enough how important it is to keep these things updated, communicated, and with both names...

So so sorry for your loss.

Not quite the same, but we had similar issues with FIL passed away. I had to go digging through trash and recycling to figure out where his accounts were. It was a total nightmare and I am still not sure if we handled everything.

[Deleted]

Also warn your friends and family against setting up complicated trusts that no one can unravel after their death.

6 years and counting and my mom and I still cannot unravel my dads trust.

[mellymel]

Thanks for this post, it's a great PSA. DH and I have everything loaded into Mint and both have access to mostly all of our investments, CCs, etc. but over the holiday break I really need to sit down, create a binder full of info, and stick it in our safe so we have a backup of everything and real passwords that DH can use bc I manage most of our finances.

I just did a spinoff of this post about wills, trusts, POAs, etc.

[lys]

We have the account passwords, answers to the security questions and other important information on the inside folder cover for each asset. The FIlesfolders are kept in our home office file cabinet.

[hesitantbride]

I think I've posted this previously, but here is an "Emergency Financial First Aid Kit" (EFFAK) form from FEMA. I've used this but need to update it--it gives useful categories:


www.operationhope.org/images/uploads/Files/effak2.pdf

[midwest07]

Our system is really simple (and arguably insecure), but it works for us. We keep a list of all accounts (checking, savings, loans, credit cards, retirement, etc) on a shared google document. If we change one of our passwords (get locked out or something), we go there and change it. Since we have so many accounts and passwords, we have to keep this info somewhere anyway, so may as well keep it in a shared place. So this serves as a list of where all the debts/assets would be and how to access. We do also have each other listed as beneficiaries/POD on everything, and a backup in the event both of us died (for me, it's my sister, and for him, I think his dad).

The biggest issue is no one else has access to this, so we should print it from time to time and keep in a folder of important documents.

[Deleted]

I mentioned this in another thread, but we use the password software 1Password: agilebits.com/onepassword. One of the best purchases we have made in recent memory--not only for convenience and online security, but so we can both see and access ALL of our family accounts in the event of an emergency or death.

[hereonceagain]

When my dad passed, I had a copy of his incomplete will. I had gone with him to get it done many years prior.

When he passed, I called the lawyer as I had no idea what to do. I don't know if my dad ever went and finalized it. The lawyer was gone, nowhere to be found. I found a phone number for him but it was his home # and he never called back. He was no longer in practice.

What do people do in this situation? What step do you take once you have a copy of a will?

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2012 12:35:29 GMT -5 hereonceagain said:

When my dad passed, I had a copy of his incomplete will. I had gone with him to get it done many years prior.

When he passed, I called the lawyer as I had no idea what to do. I don't know if my dad ever went and finalized it. The lawyer was gone, nowhere to be found. I found a phone number for him but it was his home # and he never called back. He was no longer in practice.

What do people do in this situation? What step do you take once you have a copy of a will?

someone has a better answer than me but did you try the state bar to see if said lawyer is still practicing?

[Deleted]

Sounds like a good reason to keep things simple.

I'm not so worried about DH having the password to the electric account, but the fact that we have a joint bank account helps.

[kwynn]

A recent widow here too...I want to tell you one other thing that hasn't been mentioned:

Do NOT have the thing on your accounts where it has to text you a number to your phone to get access to your bank account.

Because, when your spouse goes missing or doesn't come home from work and you call the police, they will want you to log in and see if he's used his credit card, etc. And by missing, I mean car accident, abduction, accident/illness when he or she is out somewhere for the day...it took 14 hours for the police to finally notify me of my husband's death and he was only in the next town over.

Seriously, your spouse could pass on the way to work and, just due to the chaos, it might be 7pm before you are notified.

And then, if the phone was with your spouse when they died, it will go to the police/coroner/hospital with them and you may or may not get it back for days or weeks. This happened with me and I can think of many other situations where it could happen like a texting and driving accident that needs investigated, or it just gets misplaced from hospital to funeral home, or it flies out of the car on the side of the road, etc.

So yes, please please, do NOT put that texting thing on your accounts. It's annoying and has created so many headaches for me.

[Norticprincess]

I've used this form, which I need to update, www.med.navy.mil/sites/nhcq/Staff/Family%20Readiness%20Group%20Information/What%20My%20Family%20Should%20Know.pdf

Had a great uncle pass away, great aunt had no clue, she at least knew which bank. It was even more if a mess when my brother passed, there are stocks that my parents know he had, but have no clue who they were through.

[drloretta]

We need to update ours. MIL gave us a copy of hers, and my parents have a binder with everything we may need to know.

My grandma had things pretty much wrapped up, but my dad still spent 8 months randomly calling banks and asking if my grandma had an account there. Good times.

[bazealina]

Dec 14, 2012 15:38:42 GMT -5 kwynn said:

A recent widow here too...I want to tell you one other thing that hasn't been mentioned:

Do NOT have the thing on your accounts where it has to text you a number to your phone to get access to your bank account.

Because, when your spouse goes missing or doesn't come home from work and you call the police, they will want you to log in and see if he's used his credit card, etc. And by missing, I mean car accident, abduction, accident/illness when he or she is out somewhere for the day...it took 14 hours for the police to finally notify me of my husband's death and he was only in the next town over.

Seriously, your spouse could pass on the way to work and, just due to the chaos, it might be 7pm before you are notified.

And then, if the phone was with your spouse when they died, it will go to the police/coroner/hospital with them and you may or may not get it back for days or weeks. This happened with me and I can think of many other situations where it could happen like a texting and driving accident that needs investigated, or it just gets misplaced from hospital to funeral home, or it flies out of the car on the side of the road, etc.

So yes, please please, do NOT put that texting thing on your accounts. It's annoying and has created so many headaches for me.

I am so sorry for your loss..I understand
So True..SO TRUE...it is amazing what they take and do in a death investigation (I stood on my front lawn for almost 6 hours as they investigated, took photos and took "evidence") and while waiting for the coroner to show up. Luckily his phone was not taken. I needed many contacts from it.
That is another thing..add each others contacts to your phones..it is very very important...

[Deleted]

Great PSA. We have spreadsheet w/ all the info & organized files thanks to DH. If it was up to me, we'd be dead in the water. My MIL drives me nuts because she owns a farm (inherited) & doesn't know where exactly it is..just gets the rent check. The fact that she never cared enough to go check it out & check on things kills me a little bit but I mind my own business. I know my FIL left a mess with the taxes & he was an accountant. It took her years to figure everything out.

**kwynn** I had no idea, I'm so sorry for your loss