Do you know your love language?

[blackkitty]

Mine is QT too... Maybe we should go out

[Deleted]

I'm an acts of service. I actually think this stuff is pretty helpful and would have been useful in my marriage.

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2012 15:36:57 GMT -5 mp said:

pdx, I think so, too. I mean, even now I look back and go "We really dropped the ball on meeting each other in the middle" because our love languages were totally flip flopped. Not that it was the only failure in our marriage, of course.

Totally our marriage was doomed, but I definitely see where this comes into play. He'd bring me flowers and I'd just be like can you do the damn dishes?

[gozf]

Mine is touch, apparently. This is completely unsurprising.

[bowies]

I'm an acts of service/QT/touch person. I think FI is the same, but maybe flipped in order.

[Deleted]

My quality time, acts of service and physical touch were equal, and the highest. interesting!

[dakotadangerdog]

hmmm I haven't read the book in a while. I don't remember. I think QT would probably be mine, followed by touch

[Deleted]

My highest score is Words of Affirmation, which doesn't surprise me. QT was second.

My lowest score by far was Acts of Service. And, yep, X's #1 way of trying to prove he loved me was cleaning the house, doing yard work, etc. Meanwhile I felt like I had to beg for him to compliment me or tell me I was doing something right.

I had heard of this but never taken the quiz before. Helpful info, actually.

[marigoldgirl]

I am acts of service. I think this book can be extremely helpful in relationships.

[GilliC]

I'm Touch, followed by QT. They used to be a tie, which is how XH and I ever worked. He tied between Qt and Service, but had almost 0 on Touch and I was 0 on Service! I took it again a year ago and found that I had learned to speak Service a little and Gifts has gone down for me. I'm still a Touch and Time girl though.

[lovelybb]

D and I are both QT for out top ones... I can't remember which ones were second or third.

[Bernadine]

I tie for words of affirmation and physical touch. J is fantastic at both. I made him to it and his his quality time, so I'm trying to remember that and give that to him.

[missbetty1]

Dec 14, 2012 21:20:01 GMT -5 marigoldgirl said:

I am acts of service. I think this book can be extremely helpful in relationships.

This!

[geekygirl83]

I've never heard of the 5 love languages before!

I scored highest on Quality time, and second highest was tied with Words of affirmation and Acts of service. Gifts was low and touch was 0 :S

I do very much love quality time with the people I love but could totally do without being hugged or touched. So I have to agree with it. But yet if I'm Really into someone I can't keep my hands off them.

[Deleted]

Physical Touch

[blackkitty]

Can you teach someone your love language or do you heed to meet someone with the same one?

[Deleted]

Dec 16, 2012 9:15:20 GMT -5 dynamoo said:

I might make this a prereq to dating......"Sir, you will need to fill out this questionnaire before we talk. Thank you."

LOL

I second that it needs to be a pre-req.

I had my ex fill one out, I had to do it for a class and had an extra one. I would totally ask my next bf to do it.

[GilliC]

Dec 16, 2012 10:23:24 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Can you teach someone your love language or do you heed to meet someone with the same one?

It's possible, but speaking from experience, it's really hard, and it is a long and often painful process. If you have some inkling of the language, it's definitely easier, but if you score practically zero for a language, you have to rework your whole way of thinking.

XH was Acts of Service, and it's a huge part of Indian culture, but it was not something I understood at all. We had to talk about it a lot, and sometimes I just didn't understand why something I did (or didn't do) was such a big deal to him. The whole concept was just so foreign to my way of thinking. I felt like cleaning or making dinner were just things that made you a good roommate. I didn't really associate them with "love" at all. In the end, I'm not sure whether I really learned the language from him (he's not a very patient person - hence the XH title) or if it was just part of my own growing up.

The thing I found as I dated was that I was able to recognize how well someone spoke my language, so I could decide whether it was going to be an issue. Or in some cases, I realized that I was attracted to a guy just because he spoke my love language when there really wasn't much else sustaining the relationship.

[phoenixrising]

I am known sort of as not being a huggy person, and my #1 was physical touch, followed closely by receiving gifts. I didn't learn as a child how to be physically affectionate, but I do crave that kind of connection. In fact, one of the things I look forward to about going to my therapist is that she gives me a hug when I leave, so I am guaranteed a hug every two weeks. And I know that I am a big gifts person, and my STBX is not and didn't get that about me at all, so I often felt unappreciated (like the time he went on vacation and brought back a gift for his kids' mom and nothing for me because he was short on cash and knew I would understand).

I feel like I have trouble doing physical touch "right," however. I don't really initiate hugs because I am afraid that people don't want to hug and I can't tell. Like I am bad at reading social cues? IDK. Just one of the many reasons that I will be in therapy forever...