Can we talk about porn?

[lola]

Do you think all men *must* look at porn?

Do you think that if a husband agrees to not watch/look at porn because his wife is uncomfortable with it he absolutely will do so anyways, and just lie to her about it?

Does being opposed to porn make a woman an uptight prude, or overly restrictive wife?

[lo]

not necessarily

yes

yes

[Kore]

No. I don't think it's just a man thing, though. I know plenty of women who enjoy it.

I have no idea if most will sneak watch it in that sitch. I don't know anyone with a porn ban. If he once enjoyed it, I have a hard time imagining him never looking again because his wife is insecure.

Yes.

[lola]

Hmm. Interesting.

I'm opposed to porn, but not at all because I'm insecure and don't want my H watching other women all naked. It is all about the pornography industry, and the objectification of women, etc. Thankfully, I married a man who feels the same, so porn isn't an issue in our marriage, but I don't think this makes me an uptight prude, does it?

[belovedbride07]

I think we just finished reading the same post on another board.

No.

No.

No.

I think the Nest/GBCN attitude that all men are porn fiends and all women who oppose it and expect their husbands to respect their wishes are delusional is ridiculous.

(FTR, DH and I do watch porn, together, and separately.)

[lola]

Beloved - probably! I didn't want to post there because it's totally off topic. But yeah, these were the thoughts running through my mind over there.

[Kore]

Dec 16, 2012 21:03:51 GMT -5 belovedbride07 said:

I think the Nest/GBCN attitude that all men are porn fiends and all women who oppose it and expect their husbands to respect their wishes are delusional is ridiculous.

I don't think most women on here feel that way. I think most think it's naive for a woman to expect her H who enjoyed porn prior to meeting her to quit watching it because she says so. They should've done like Lola & married a man with a similar view. It puts the husband in an awkward position to ask him not to watch it of he thinks it's harmless. He looks like a total douchebag if he says, "No, honey. I'm going to keep looking at it once in awhile."

[lola]

See - now on that point I do agree, Kore. If you marry a man who watches and enjoys porn, it does seem a lot to change mid-stream to "Hey, now no more porn, mkay?"

At the same time, marriage (in theory) lasts a long time and we should be allowed to change our views on things over the course of our marriage. So, at 22 years old when you get married it's totally possible to be cool with porn, but then after a certain point decide you're not cool with it. Then what? Tough titties? You have to deal?

IDK, it seems like there should be room for changing our minds, but maybe it's not that easy here....

[KaraOrNot]

Do you think all men *must* look at porn? Most people enjoy it, but I am sure if they "must" look at it.

Do you think that if a husband agrees to not watch/look at porn because his wife is uncomfortable with it he absolutely will do so anyways, and just lie to her about it? I think that most guys would continue to watch, but I am sure there are a few who would give it up.

Does being opposed to porn make a woman an uptight prude, or overly restrictive wife? Most of the time, but I am think there are valid reasons for being opposed to porn that don't make someone a prude.

[belovedbride07]

Dec 16, 2012 22:22:47 GMT -5 Kore said:

Dec 16, 2012 21:03:51 GMT -5 belovedbride07 said:

I think the Nest/GBCN attitude that all men are porn fiends and all women who oppose it and expect their husbands to respect their wishes are delusional is ridiculous.

I don't think most women on here feel that way. I think most think it's naive for a woman to expect her H who enjoyed porn prior to meeting her to quit watching it because she says so. They should've done like Lola & married a man with a similar view. It puts the husband in an awkward position to ask him not to watch it of he thinks it's harmless. He looks like a total douchebag if he says, "No, honey. I'm going to keep looking at it once in awhile."

I don't truly think this is a "most women" situation, just an outspoken few every time this situation comes up. And I agree that in many relationships, it is naive for the wife to think her husband will stop looking at porn when she asks him to, but the gross oversimplification of "he's a man, men look at porn, get over it" that gets thrown around in those threads ignores the other issues at hand.

And I'm sure this is flammable, but I don't think there's anything wrong with one half of a couple realizing years into a relationship that they find something their partner does objectionable/intolerable. But both halves need to be able to have an honest conversation about it--something which seems to rarely happen given the outcomes we see when the topic is brought up.

[magpie]

Dec 16, 2012 20:33:14 GMT -5 Kore said:

No. I don't think it's just a man thing, though. I know plenty of women who enjoy it.

I agree. I don't think it's a man thing.

I don't know if all men "must" look at porn, but I don't think I could exist in a relationship where someone told me that the only sexual arousal that I could find in the world was solely within their being. I can see why some people disagree with porn and the porn industry in general though.

[Deleted]

No
No
A little

My h doesn't like porn. I don't know why. I'm not against it as long as it is not violent or otherwise illegal. I think it is okay as long as those women are strangers. The possible emotional connection with someone in real life would be an issue.

[awick14]

No
Yes
No

DH and I spend a lot of time apart as I work OOT for 3 weeks and them in home for 2 weeks and so on. (At least this is our current situation until the spring/summer)

DH probably watches porn when im gone, it does not bother me. I'm not a huge porn fan but I do like erotic novels.

[Deleted]

Dec 16, 2012 20:50:43 GMT -5 lola said:

I'm opposed to porn, but not at all because I'm insecure and don't want my H watching other women all naked. It is all about the pornography industry, and the objectification of women, etc.

THANK YOU!!! I feel the exact same way! Nice to know I'm not alone.

[Cheesecake]

Don't think watching porn is a man thing, but for either goes, I don't think everyone *needs* to watch it.
I don't think forbidding your husband/wife to do something is ever the way to go. If you feel so strongly about something the other person enjoys, you need to have a long hard talk about what you both want out of your marriage (preferably before getting married) as I don't believe in forbidding your spouse things. I feel that indeed forbidding something will lead to lies and much, much bigger problems than watching porn.
And being opposed to porn doesn't make you a pride, forbidding it does make you a restrictive spouse and is IMO a very strange thing to do.

Regarding being opposed to the porn industry. Meh, I'm not. I've been friends with people close to the porn industry for many many years and despite the fact that it would not be my choice to do porn, I have nothing against it. But then again, I would never want to be an accountant and I have nothing against them either. Guess I'm just super liberal!

[lola]

TGC - I can't tell if you're agreeing with or not! lol. At first I thought you were, but then the eye-rolly face makes me think no?

I agree with Beloved, though. When this comes up on TN/GBCN (and it does. over and over and over again!), a person posts something like, "I caught my H watching porn. We agreed he wouldn't watch porn, and I feel really upset that he lied to me!" and inevitably somebody (or more than one person, usually) comes in with, "He's been watching it forever and this is just the first time you caught him!" or "He's a man, he watches porn, deal with it!"