I spoke with the crisis response counselor. She said that she dropped the ball because speaking with the subs wasn't addressed in the meetings and other than a paper in the teacher's mailbox, the sub wouldn't have known about the talking points and plan the school counselors put together over the weekend.
I spoke with the crisis response counselor. She said that she dropped the ball because speaking with the subs wasn't addressed in the meetings and other than a paper in the teacher's mailbox, the sub wouldn't have known about the talking points and plan the school counselors put together over the weekend.
Still - are they going to address it with her? If it went down the way your son relayed she lacks the appropriate judgement.
I am annoyed that some of you seem to think that she should have covered this with him to prevent this from happening. I was prepared that maybe another kid at school might say something but I didn't feel the need to prepare him for his teacher bringing it up.
My 7 and 4 year old still don't know what happened and I will keep it that way unless they come to me.
Yes, they are having another meeting today/tomorrow with anyone who was left out of the first meetings. They offered to follow up with ds, but I don't want them to just because I don't want him thinking about it any more than he already is. I said if he starts asking more questions that I would request he speak with the counselor.
And I understand why some people think I should have told him, but really that isn't how dh and I wanted to handle it. We didn't want him to know. We answered his questions and reassured him last night, but in his case, ignorance is bliss. I trusted that the school would not speak about it since that was the plan.
so are there consequences for this sub? she fucked up even if they didn't brief her
I don't know. The counselor called me ASAP this morning. The sub wasn't in today. She said she will follow up with her and let me know what was said.
I'm not out for blood, I really just want to know what was said so I can deal with the questions/concerns my son might have. I can't undo it, so I really just want the sub alerted so that she will think before discussing things like this with young kids again.
I work with young kids, so I get how hard it is to deal with your emotions on a sensitive subject while having kids in your care. But I do think she made a really poor choice in discussing in detail with them what happened.
You can handle it however you want with your child; tell him or not tell him, it's your choice. But recognize that he WILL hear (or would have heard) about it somehow, but it in the hallways or on the playground. Was it totally inappropriate for the sub to bring it up unprompted? Yes. But are you CERTAIN she brought it up unprompted? Ask her before jumping to assumptions.
Was it inappropriate for her to discuss it in such detail? From what you know now, yes. But perhaps she overhead a child telling wildly inaccurate stories and judge that it was better to tell the children the truth than let the stories spread.
I see that a couple of errors in communication were made. The school counselor failed to keep subs in the loop about the talking points. This is shitty, for sure. But before jumping to conclusions and raising holy hell I would make sure you understand exactly what happened.
Post by vanillacourage on Dec 18, 2012 11:16:06 GMT -5
It doesn't matter if they inadvertently left subs out of the loop on what the specific plan for communication was. In the absence of provided language, you don't go totally off the cuff and tell little kids about 20 of their peers being murdered by a bad guy taking a gun into their school. That is such a HUGE judgement error that I would be complaining about this to the principal and the superintendent, and would want to know what the consequences for this specific educator would be.
Post by hannamaren on Dec 18, 2012 11:21:23 GMT -5
Yesterday, I (an adult) was at the hospital and the nurse started talking about it. I was mad about that. I was just about to have a procedure, I didnt want to get upset about that, etc. talk about the weather.
with kids? Forget it. Does not need to be brought up at all. However, I do agree that maybe someone else talked about it and she elaborated/cleared it up.
It doesn't matter if they inadvertently left subs out of the loop on what the specific plan for communication was. In the absence of provided language, you don't go totally off the cuff and tell little kids about 20 of their peers being murdered by a bad guy taking a gun into their school. That is such a HUGE judgement error that I would be complaining about this to the principal and the superintendent, and would want to know what the consequences for this specific educator would be.
Seriously, don't let this go.
This. Who the fark cares if people think you should have discussed it with your child, that doesn't matter here at all. What the sub said was entirely inappropriate and I can't believe some people are saying that you shouldn't trust what your kid said. He's 6, he's not just guessing at the number of children killed. I'm kind of blown away.
You can handle it however you want with your child; tell him or not tell him, it's your choice. But recognize that he WILL hear (or would have heard) about it somehow, but it in the hallways or on the playground. Was it totally inappropriate for the sub to bring it up unprompted? Yes. But are you CERTAIN she brought it up unprompted? Ask her before jumping to assumptions.
This is not necessarily true. When I was a child, I never knew the whole "mass cult death from drinking cool aid thing" happened, my parents kept it from me. And I'm glad. DH saw it on the news and he said he has the image of all those bodies on the floor seared into his brain. In college, when someone used the phrase "drink the corporate cool aid" I had to ask them what it meant, and went and looked up the event on my own. It is not a teacher/sub/whatever's place to tell children about events like this, it is the parents'. I don't care if she didn't get briefed or what the fuck ever, it was NOT her place to talk about it at ALL. Even if another child prompted her, she should have said "talk to your parents" or "go to the guidance counselor."
What was she just waiting for her chance to make the announcement? I don't get mad easily, but I would be furious about this. Are some people just tragedy whores? I was taking an exam for a state job once and the proctor interrupted the test and said "Excuse me, everyone. The space shuttle just exploded and there are no survivors. Continue". WTF did we need that info for at that exact moment?
I agree with those who said she was out of line, regardless of whether or not she received the communication teachers received. She addressed it in a ridiculous, completely age inappropriate way.
And screw all the folks chastising you for not telling your 6 year old that a bunch of kids just like him got murdered at school by a madman. That's the parents' call and, quite frankly, most of the advice I have seen isn't to drop a bomb on the kid. It's to address the questions they have in a truthful and age appropriate manner.
My child doesn't have questions because she is completely in the dark about it. I'd like it to stay that way until she's old enough to process it a bit better. She may hear something from a peer, and if she does, I will talk with her. But she may not, and I don't want to pre-emptively terrify her.
I agree with those who said she was out of line, regardless of whether or not she received the communication teachers received. She addressed it in a ridiculous, completely age inappropriate way.
And screw all the folks chastising you for not telling your 6 year old that a bunch of kids just like him got murdered at school by a madman. That's the parents' call and, quite frankly, most of the advice I have seen isn't to drop a bomb on the kid. It's to address the questions they have in a truthful and age appropriate manner.
My child doesn't have questions because she is completely in the dark about it. I'd like it to stay that way until she's old enough to process it a bit better. She may hear something from a peer, and if she does, I will talk with her. But she may not, and I don't want to pre-emptively terrify her.
Well said jaylea, this is how I feel about it also, and how I plan to handle tragedies when DS is older.