Catholic Funeral Questions...

[dr.girlfriend]

How long does a funeral mass last? If I'm not religious, I don't do anything but listen, right? I know I don't take the sacrament (?) or anything, but I've only been to a Catholic wedding, and I know there was a lot of kneeling and stuff people said back in response and I and my friends (a Hindu and two Jews) were totally lost. Is it okay to be at the mass if you're not religious, or should I just go to the actual funeral?

[jene]

I think this can vary by priest, but the ones I have been to recently have been an hour or less.

[gtkim]

You are fine going.

Last funeral mass I went to was about an hour.

[countthestars]

Probably like an hour? You can definitely be there. Feel free to stay seated while people kneel (I would stand if everyone is standing) and don't go up for communion, you can stay in your seat.

[Deleted]

I would guess mass will last around an hour. Stand and sit (and kneel, if they do that) along with everyone else. If there is communion, just stay seated. It's fine to be there.

[winnied]

It's fine for you to attend and it will probably last about one hour. I think it's most respectful to kneel/sit/stand when the rest of the congregation does.

[mellymel]

Mass will last about 1 hour. You may stay seated while others receive Communion. And it's OK to kneel/stand/sit when everyone else does (or stay seated).

[jenjen]

I would go to the mass. As others have said it will last about an hour or so. I wouldn't just go to the gravesite (if that's what you mean by "actual funeral"). The ones I've been to, the graveside portion is typically one or two prayers, a few words and a thank you from the priest and invitation to join the family at the bereavement meal.

[simpsongal]

There should be cards with the recitations if you would like to read the words (they changed the original translation a year and a half ago, so the cards should still be there).

You can also go up for a blessing if you'd like when others are taking the sacrament.

I'm a Protestant who goes to Catholic church w/DH every other week

[mokes]

Around an hour. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

There are responses, songs and sitting, standing, kneeling -- but there are many Catholics who don't know when to stand or kneel. You can just follow the crowd for those parts or feel free to remain seated. As you said, you don't take Communion.

[Deleted]

Both of my grandparents had Catholic funerals this summer. Both times we started with a Rosary at 8:30am and the actual funeral service was at 9:00am. It took about an hour, then the burial was afterwards.

[starlily]

For Catholics the actual funeral is pretty much the mass. Perfectly fine for you to be there. It will be around a hour or so.

[mbcdefg]

Mass = funeral

It's O.K. to be at the church, and/or at the cemetery, if you're not religious. Just stand and sit when you see everyone else do it. When others get down to kneel, you can sit. If you're unsure of the responses or if you're uncomfortable participating, just stay quiet.

No, you don't go up to receive Communion if you're not Catholic (IDK offhand if other Christian denominations are allowed to receive). Just stay in your seat. If you wish, you can get in the line and then when you approach the priest you can cross your arms over your chest ... that will signal him that you are not receiving Communion but you'd like him to lay his hand on your head and give you a quiet blessing and the sign of the cross. Totally optional.

Most people should understand that not everyone in attendance follows that/any religion and is simply there to say goodbye to the deceased and support the family. As long as you're quiet and respectful, you'll be fine.

[genet313]

Mass is an hour, but if there are multiple eulogies, it could take longer.

[mrssavy42112]

I've been to multiple Catholic funerals & am not Catholic either. It's totally ok to attend & participate at what level you feel comfortable with (obviously, as long as you remain respectful).

[mbcdefg]

Dec 19, 2012 16:33:28 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Mass is an hour, but if there are multiple eulogies, it could take longer.

The last time I saw a non-priest eulogy at a Catholic funeral was about 10 years ago. I had heard after that that they were trying to phase that out.

Is this nationwide or only at my archdiocese?

[MixedBerryJam]

My husband had 3 eulogies (priest and two friends) ... but we also had his funeral at a catholic church, but without the mass. He was adamant he didn't want a mass, and I held fast. I don't think people do that very often.

[starlily]

Dec 19, 2012 16:57:15 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Dec 19, 2012 16:33:28 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Mass is an hour, but if there are multiple eulogies, it could take longer.

The last time I saw a non-priest eulogy at a Catholic funeral was about 10 years ago. I had heard after that that they were trying to phase that out.

Is this nationwide or only at my archdiocese?

Might just be your archdiocese. The priest who did my Danna.funeral last year invited one of us to do a eulogy at the mass.

Multiple eulogies were encouraged to be done at the rosary the night prior to the funeral.

[4speedy]

I think there must be an unwritten Catholic law that mass needs to be an hour. no matter what else they toss in there, marriage rite, funeral mass, baptism, etc. the parrishners always start clearing their throats and squirming around near the one hour mark. I've been to many, many Catholic Churches in different states and it's always the same.

It's totally fine to respectfully refrain from participating. It's respectful to stand when everyone else does but you don't need to sing, repeat anything, give the sign of the cross or anything else that is not a part of your religious beliefs.

[londoncalling]

I haven't been to a catholic funeral that had a non-priest eulogy as long as I can remember. I planned the service for both my grandparents within the last 5 years and we were never offered that option. I wonder if I had requested it if they would have allowed it.

[MixedBerryJam]

I guess in retrospect, I didn't ask if I could have his friends eulogize him at the church ... I just gave the priest the names of who would be eulogizing him. The priest may also have been a little more accommodating because he knew we didn't have a wake or any other type of service/gathering prior to the actual funeral. And he's a wicked awesome priest, too, so there's that.

[dr.girlfriend]

Dec 19, 2012 16:25:14 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Mass = funeral

The obituary says, "Relatives and friends are invited to his Funeral Saturday 9 a.m. at X Church where his Funeral Mass will follow at 10:30 a.m. Internment Y Cemetery."

[starlily]

Dec 19, 2012 19:55:09 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

Dec 19, 2012 16:25:14 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Mass = funeral

The obituary says, "Relatives and friends are invited to his Funeral Saturday 9 a.m. at X Church where his Funeral Mass will follow at 10:30 a.m. Internment Y Cemetery."

Sounds like visitation and possibly the rosary might be done from 9-10:30. The rosary is typical Catholic tradition sometime before the funeral mass. But the mass is really the core of the funeral.

[jillboston]

All of the Catholic funerals I have been to invite people to the funeral parlor for a final viewing for family, prayers, etc. Then there is an organized procession to the church - cars in order etc. Many non-family members just go to the church though for the actual mass.

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2012 16:57:15 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Dec 19, 2012 16:33:28 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Mass is an hour, but if there are multiple eulogies, it could take longer.

The last time I saw a non-priest eulogy at a Catholic funeral was about 10 years ago. I had heard after that that they were trying to phase that out.

Is this nationwide or only at my archdiocese?

My uncle and my sister both gave eulogies at my dad's funeral last year. The priest didn't have any problem with it.

[mbcdefg]

My mom, brother, sister and I all said a few words about Dad after we walked into church behind his casket but before the Mass started. And us three kids did the readings.

The priest gave the actual eulogy, and he happened to be an old friend of Dad's. There were several other priests on the altar but they didn't give eulogies.

When my mom's BFF died, the BFF had left instructions for my mom to give the eulogy. But the priest told her that that was no longer allowed, so she did it at the funeral home before we accompanied the casket to church, and the priest did the eulogy. (This priest was also a pompous ass, though.)

[jennistarr1]

to satisfy my pet peeve...if you opt to sit as others are kneeling, be sure to sit forward in the pew...other wise the person behind you will be like face deep in your hair

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2012 16:57:15 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Dec 19, 2012 16:33:28 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Mass is an hour, but if there are multiple eulogies, it could take longer.

The last time I saw a non-priest eulogy at a Catholic funeral was about 10 years ago. I had heard after that that they were trying to phase that out.

Is this nationwide or only at my archdiocese?

I've been to 3 Catholic funerals--at my grandfather's 7 years ago the priest didn't know my grandpa (new priest) and he read basically essays from my mom and her siblings. I went to 2 last year--one had a friend do a eulogy and the other was very religious and only had the priest speak. The priest had known the person who passed for most of his life and talked about him.

[chessie]

Really is dependent on the priest and what type of ceremony you want for a funeral. My grandma requested a short one for my grandfather, so it was around 40 minutes tops.

[aspentosh]

I've seen non-priest eulogies many times. Most recently was my brother gave a eulogy for his wife.

Like others have said- about an hour. And ditto Jennistar- if you do sit while others are kneeling, try to scoot forward a couple inches.