My husband and I were talking about this last night. As much as I try to have a "to each their own" attitude, I still judge what I think are bad/stupid decisions. In reality, I have made some of those decisions myself. What have you done that's judgement worthy? I'll start:
I had a starter marriage. I moved in with my now husband after 2 weeks. I changed careers to something that gutted my earning potential by more than 50%. I'm sure there's more.
I quit school to move out with my bf when I was 20. He was 25. I did end up going back and finishing while I was working FT after a few year break but everyone thought I was crazy (bc I was valedictorian, bc of the age difference, because we had only dated a few months before dating long distance for 8 mos). He is now my DH of 8 years.
Post by fortmyersbride on Dec 29, 2012 12:28:47 GMT -5
I spent the night at DH's house on our first date, then my cat and I moved in a week later. I waited a year to sublet my apt, but it was really just a fall back plan. I still think I'll have a hard time holding my tongue if our kids move into a relationship that fast!
I sold my house and moved into my (now) dh's house after dating for like 5 months. I'm pretty sure I got a lot of judgement for that but so far so good
A starter marriage is a first marriage that lasts five years or less and ends without the couple having any children together.[1] The term, a play on the expression "starter home", appears as one of the footnotes in Douglas Coupland's 1991 novel Generation X. However, published usage of the term grew significantly after the publication of Pamela Paul's 2002 book The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony.
A starter marriage is a first marriage that lasts five years or less and ends without the couple having any children together.[1] The term, a play on the expression "starter home", appears as one of the footnotes in Douglas Coupland's 1991 novel Generation X. However, published usage of the term grew significantly after the publication of Pamela Paul's 2002 book The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony.
Mine lasted 2 years.
I also had a starter marriage then. Legally 2 years as well but it was over much sooner than that. Young and naive at the time. I think I chose much better this time around!
DH and I were dating before I left for college. I only lasted 2 semesters away at college before moving back home to be closer to him. I continued at a community college and graduated with my AA but never completed my BA. He bought a house not long after me moving back home and proposed. I was 19 when all of this happened.
I broke off an engagement and started dating someone else about a week later. We were moved in together 2 weeks after that. I swear I didn't cheat on my ex, but I don't think anyone believes me. He's now my H. Best "mistake" ever.
I moved in with and got engaged to my boyfriend after dating only 9 months. We started talking about marriage after having dated 2 months. I was 23 at the time.
He is now my husband and we have been together 8.5 years, happily married 6.5. But still, I give myself the side eye. I shocked a lot of friends with the engagement for sure.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure I was a beebee bride. I turned 25 the week before my wedding.
ETA: One more I just remembered. I started my relationship with my college boyfriend by being the "other woman" with whom he cheated on his girlfriend at the time. Then I was shocked and appalled when he cheated on me.
Let's see.. I met DH when I was out with an ex while I was in my home town for xmas.. and then booty called him the next time I was home, 8 months later, after getting wasted at a wedding with a bunch of friends... I applied for a transfer to my home town less than two months later.. Had my interview the Monday after Thanksgiving, which I showed up to engaged. (And I wore my ring lol) He proposed the previous Friday.
I got the job, moved back home and in with DH a month later. We got married the following August, 366 days after the booty call. I was pregnant with DD less than 3 months later, and DS was born 18 months after her. It's been a crazy whirlwind
I also bought a condo in 2007 with 0% down. Enjoyed it for 20 short months before moving and renting it out for a year since there was no way I could sell it. Later lost my ass selling it in 2010.
Maybe this is just an outside perspective, but these stories are enviable more than side eye worthy. You all met and fell in love with your dhs quickly and at a young age. These sound like fairy tales than cautionary tales.
Doesn't anyone have any side eye worthy tales that didn't end up working out?
So many. I'm quite often "that chick". Oh well! The big ones are:
- I got engaged after only dating my now H for six months. I was 21. - I flew home early from studying abroad because I missed him too much. - I got married at 22.
What can I say? I really like him... I'm lame and I know it. And I'm okay with it!
Doesn't anyone have any side eye worthy tales that didn't end up working out?
A lot of people have said they had starter marriages. And I stand by my advice not to put too much stock into a relationship that begins with your SO cheating on their current SO with you.
Post by mrs.spunky on Dec 29, 2012 15:06:16 GMT -5
Met my DH on match.com when I was 21, he was 27, less than 2 weeks after breaking up with the guy I was dating before. Got engaged 5.5 months later, just before I turned 22. We started talking marriage pretty early on. Shocking for a guy who dated another girl for 6 years and didn't want to get married. Was a "bee-bee bride" at 23.5.
Maybe this is just an outside perspective, but these stories are enviable more than side eye worthy. You all met and fell in love with your dhs quickly and at a young age. These sound like fairy tales than cautionary tales.
Doesn't anyone have any side eye worthy tales that didn't end up working out?
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The engagement I broke off started with a guy I met on the internet. His family was full of drug addicts, and he couldn't hold down a job to save his life. I was convinced he just needed love, support and encouragement to become a better person. Nope. He was a cheating, abusive, alcoholic jerk.
Trying for #3; FET 8/18 -- BFN. Leaving things up to chance for now... After three years, three IVFs, and two FETs, we finally have our miracle babIES!
Maybe this is just an outside perspective, but these stories are enviable more than side eye worthy. You all met and fell in love with your dhs quickly and at a young age. These sound like fairy tales than cautionary tales.
Doesn't anyone have any side eye worthy tales that didn't end up working out?
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I lost my virginity to a 22 year old when I was 16, and remained obsessed with him for 2 more years (I wouldn't date or talk to any other guys) even though he made it very clear there was never going to be a real relationship. I was convinced I could change his mind. I lost a lot of friends during that time because I was pretty unbearable.
I had a "boyfriend" that moved to Japan in my 20's. I was in love with him and sent him packages. I imagined that he would come back to me and we would get married and live happily ever after. I spent 2+ years off my life waiting and when he came back I realized that he was a jerk. Dream over and part of my life wasted.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure I was a beebee bride. I turned 25 the week before my wedding.
Is 25 a beebee bride? I'm not sure it is--I too, married at 25--but I had already graduated law school and was working by then...
I consider 25 to be a young bride, but not *always* in the beebee category.
25 also seems to be the magic marriage age for women where divorce rates drastically drop. www.divorcerate.org/
Age at marriage for those who divorce in America (2011) Age------------------- Women ------ Men Under 20 years old---- 27.6%---- 11.7% 20 to 24 years old---- 36.6%---- 38.8% 25 to 29 years old---- 16.4%---- 22.3% 30 to 34 years old---- 8.5%---- 11.6% 35 to 39 years old---- 5.1%---- 6.5%
Post by whitepicketfence on Dec 29, 2012 15:31:01 GMT -5
I was a beebee bride - engaged at 21 and married at 22.
I dropped out of college over a boy (now DH). He was dealing with some family issues and we had broken up. I was crushed and couldn't concentrate on school. I later got a FT job and then returned to school, but I lost all of my scholarship funds by quitting when I did.
I willingly got pregnant with my second child when my first was only 9 months old.
We bought a house spur of the moment when we didn't have any downpayment to speak of and lots of credit card debt.
I quit my job to SAH right after getting my BA degree. I'm still paying on SLs for a degree I'm not using.