city vs suburbs, a vent

[bugabean]

I live in a first-tier suburb of Copenhagen. In other words, the border of my city literally touches the border of Copenhagen. My flat is less than 8 kilometers from the very center of Copenhagen. There is a major train station here that even the limited stop trains stop at, and it takes about 10 to 20 minutes to get to anywhere of interest in the city by train. There are major shopping areas, parks, lots of businesses, and tons of housing. The country's tallest building, which also happens to be one of the country's best and busiest hospitals, is here.

Can people please stop acting like I'm in BFE? I get if you don't want to come out here, but do you have to get all dramatic about it? A simple, "I'd prefer the center of town" or whatever is fine. You don't need to wave your arms around and say, "oh, that would just be IMPOSSIBLY far!" Seriously, people say it's IMPOSSIBLE to get here. IMPOSSIBLE. They actually use that word, even though thousands of people commute between here and the city several times a day. And the "oh WOW, you came out all this way"s are not necessary either. LOTS of commute from Sweden and Funen, ffs. It takes them 10 times longer to come into town.

Also, just because City A is a suburb and City B is also a suburb doesn't mean they are close to each other. So "I can't meet you where you live, but could we meet in a town on the complete opposite end of the metro area" is not helpful.

[aMrsin09]

Oh yes, I understand this.
Around here any drive more than 10 minutes is "just too far to go".
A beach that is 35 minutes away by car is considered a "weekend trip"?!

[anna7602]

I don't have many friends in Paris, so am generally happy to meet folks wherever they say. However, I am completely baffled by the whole "if I don't live in your arrondissement, I cannot babysit for you" mentality. In NY, I had babysitters who lived in different BOROUGHS from us and we just added cab fare into their rate for the evening. Here, I can't get someone who is maybe 10 metro stops away to even consider coming to our neighborhood to work for an evening, even if I offer cab fare. WTF???

[americaninoz]

I do so understand. We moved 35 min away from where we used to live (20 min from downtown) 6 months ago. We've had friends write us off completely because we're too far now!! Wtf? I'm driving the 35 min tomorrow to go visit some friends, really really not far!!! Some of my friends have come around, but makes me sad we've lost some just because they consider us to be too far away now lame

[dorothyinAus]

I don't have that so much here, as I am 2 hours out of Melbourne, and NO ONE will come here unless they absolutely have to. And it is an all-day or overnight trip if we head to the city, so I really don't blame them for not coming this far.

But in the US, I lived 10 minutes from downtown NOLA, but I lived across the river. If you asked anyone to come to WestBank, you got the same kind of reaction. I actually lived closer to the French Quarter than people who lived out in areas near Lake Pontchartrain, but asking them to come across the river was akin to asking them to cut off an arm or leg.

I started suggesting we meet in areas that were convenient for neither of us so they would counter offer somewhere mid-way between us. It usually worked in the US. Here, I just plan to spend all-day in the City or schedule things for weekends when I know our friends will be down visiting family.

[mrsukyankee]

I'm in a very similar situation, though it is a bit tougher to get to if you aren't on my trainline. But luckily most of my friends either live in suburbs too or we get together in central London. I do have friends who won't come to my house ever, which is sad, especially when I've made the effort to go to their events & it's taken a while to get to those places. Such is life.

[Cheesecake]

Oh, this is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine!
I actually still live within the city of Amsterdam. Yes, the outer edge - when I look out of my 2nd floor windows, I can see neighboring towns - but still within the city of Amsterdam. One of the main tram lines that goes from central station through the center, through the most popular area (by the Vondelpark for instance) comes to my house. Tram, not subway, not train, tram - which is considered shorter-distance-public-transport. People keep telling me I live too far away. When we lived halfway closer to the center (really, just 1 stop past very popular area) people kept saying we were soooo far away. We were not even 5 minutes from the Vondelpark, but no, since it wasn't the actual center, but a less popular (and therefor more affordable, nicer/bigger houses etc) neighborhood people kept moaning about how far it was. (previous apartment had 3 of the city's main tramlines, 1 of the city's 4 subway lines, and 4 different busses going all over the city within a 2-3 minute walk radius.

I moved to my apartment before that from a very popular/high-end neighborhood (the area Hey Y'all always recommends where I had a tiny 300 sqf apartment) to the north part of town (where I had a 700sqf apartment which about 15 percent cheaper). Everyone kept telling me that it was terrible, that I was moving sooooo far away etc. Thruth was I was 8 minutes from central station if I happened to just miss the ferry. If I just made it, it was 3 minutes, so 5-10 minutes max to everywhere/anywhere within the center. The ferry was free and ran 24/7 and only took about 30 seconds. The old neighborhood way definitely way further from the center - whether it was by bike or by PT. The fact that it was across the water just made people decide it was far away. People are stupid, I tell ya!

I guess that when you choose not to live where the cool kids are, people just don't want to take the effort. They suck!

[lolo]

I live one stop outside of zone 1 in London and we have visitors who think that is SO FAR out of downtown London. (Speaking of, where is 'downtown' in London? I have yet to find it.)

[travelingturtle]

When I lived in the states I lived in several neighborhoods. One was very central. 1.5 miles to everything I needed in life. During the year that I lived there, I hated going out of that area. I was so used to just getting where I needed to go within a few minutes that driving for longer than 5 minutes seemed out of my way. Then I moved several suburbs outside of suburbs outside of suburbs of the central area. When I wanted to do more than go grocery shopping or go to Target, I had to drive 30+ minutes. So, to see people after driving 30 minutes wasn't as big of a deal as it was when I had to go 6 minutes because I was used to it.

[bugabean]

May 29, 2012 8:50:04 GMT -5 Cheesecake said:

The old neighborhood way definitely way further from the center - whether it was by bike or by PT. The fact that it was across the water just made people decide it was far away. People are stupid, I tell ya!

I guess that when you choose not to live where the cool kids are, people just don't want to take the effort. They suck!

This is it exactly! There are places that are JUST as far or father, and take JUST as long or longer to get to, but if it's somewhere they're used to going, then it's 'close.' They'll happily spend 20 minutes getting their kid to the fancy pants international daycare, but 10 minutes in the 'wrong' direction is too far. It isn't actually about time or effort at all.

[ktkl09]

I don't really run into this in Switzerland, maybe because the country is so small anyway?

This annoyed me in the US though, I lived 15 minutes outside of St.Louis, but in IL not MO. People thought it was on the other side of the world.

[travelingturtle]

I'm guilty of doing this, then. If it's a road/direction I do more frequently, I feel that it's just quicker/closer. But, just because that's what I tend to feel doesn't mean I wouldn't go "out of my way" to visit someone that wasn't in an area I was as familiar with.

[allibally]

In Zurich it was like this sometime. We lived on the outer edge of the city. A lot of people didn't know where it was when I told them even though the tram ran right to our apartment.

Anna- I'm more cautious now where I search for babysitting and nanny jobs in Chicago. I don't feel nearly as comfortable on the EL at night as I did in the trains and trams of Zurich. I would take a train at 11:30 pm for 12 miles home which would take me an hour. Now I won't really look for any jobs that are further then 2 miles!

[clickerish]

I have the opposite problem. I hate when people live far away, because everybody I know wants to go to their events but I'm one of the few who drives. That means I usually end up hauling a carful, then not drinking so I can drive them home again...Fortunately, I am not really into drinking, but sometimes it would be nice of them to shell out for gas!