Funeral Attendance Question.

[Pom]

I really feel so torn. Best friend A arrived Saturday (got her luggage stolen) and will be here until Sunday. Today, Best friend B's sister died who I am also friends with and saw occasionally. My friend B and her sister were inseperable. She had cancer and just went down hill so fast. They only called hospice yesterday. She has a son with cerebral palsy so she was very needed....I digress, this makes me so sad. Such an amazing person.

Is it terrible if I don't fly home to Michigan for the funeral? I know lots of friends and family will be there. I want to send my friend a ticket to come here in a few weeks or later in the spring when she needs a break and can get away. Is that wrong?

[vegas]

No, it's totally understandable given the circumstances. I think buying her a ticket would be extremely generous and much appreciated. I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

[rosiedozie]

When is the funeral? If its at all possible I think you need to go even if you fly in and out the same day. I'm sure friend A would understand if you miss a day or two of her visit.

[jackie011]

I was in a similar situation with my best friend's mom. Due to a work commitment, there was no way I would be able to make it to her funeral. I felt horrible because when my father passed away she came and hung out with me for a week (was able to telework, but still, it was so nice). I talked to her about it and asked if she wanted me to come the next day (Friday night) or wait a while. She said the best thing would be to wait a while because they were so overwhelmed with friends, family, food, and stuff for quite a while. I visited about 6 weeks later and we had a great time and I think it was more helpful to have that to look forward to, after all of the grief.

[Pom]

Dec 31, 2012 20:02:23 GMT -5 rosiedozie said:

When is the funeral? If its at all possible I think you need to go even if you fly in and out the same day. I'm sure friend A would understand if you miss a day or two of her visit.

I would fly from San Antonio to Grand Rapids, Michigan. Not a direct trip by any means, so a 2 day trip min. I am guessing the funeral won't be until maybe Thursday? May not know until tomorrow. They have family traveling for the funeral.

[Deleted]

I think they would understand if you weren't able to make it. Send a card and/or flowers to express your sympathy and visit when you can.

[dexteroni]

I get how much of an inconvenience the timing is, but....I don't know. When my dad died, my two best friends were a huge help and comfort, not to mention a much-needed break from all family all the time. Can you and Friend A take your visit on the road and attend the funeral together? You would still get to spend time together, even if it's not exactly the way you thought it would be. Outside of not being able to afford it, I can't really think of a reason why you wouldn't go.

[froggy76]

I don't know... I think you should go. This is a one-time event and it would probably mean a lot to friend B. You won't regret being there for her. It seems weird to not go just because you have a visitor (although I get that it sucks for friend A, especially since her luggage was stolen.)

[Pom]

I just talked to Friend B and they will not know when the funeral is until Wednesday. Possibly Friday or Saturday... not many options for flights, most marked one ticket left.

[dexteroni]

If it's Friday or Saturday that's actually more convenient because it still gives you most of the week at home with Friend A. Maybe she can reroute her return flight and fly home from Michigan.

[jackie011]

Wait, are A & B friends? If not, then it would be incredibly odd for her to join you for the funeral. Did you get an idea from B? Does she expect you to be there?

[Deleted]

If at all possible, I would attend.

[chia]

Are A and B friends?

[Becca]

When my son died, I was very appreciative of everyone that came to the funeral from out of town. It was really touching to see who made the effort to get there. But the day was such a blur and I had so many of my own issues going on that I never really got to see or talk to most of them. And I was completely understanding of the people who weren't able to get there.

I had several friends who made visits days/weeks later, and those were SO much appreciated too.

I am actually on team "visit or send a ticket later" (as long as friend hasn't expressed an expectation or hope that you'll be at the funeral)

[Pom]

A&B know each other but only through me really. Actually, based on our conversation, I don't think she/B is expecting me.

[thedutchgirl]

I'm on team later visit as well. I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

Incidentally, did you grow up in GR? If so, me too.

[Pom]

Dec 31, 2012 22:46:52 GMT -5 thedutchgirl said:

I'm on team later visit as well. I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

Incidentally, did you grow up in GR? If so, me too.

No, I am from Ohio but lived in Northern Michigan (near Petoskey) for many years. My friend is a GR native.

Thanks to everyone for the advice and kind words.