Young toddlers and discipline

[arch01]

"No" is funny/a game to DS. Redirecting doesn't really work-I can move him into a different room to play with other toys and he still crawls back to what he shouldn't be getting into.

I *know* he's young (just turned 1), but DH and I need to get on the same page for discipline as he grows. What books/websites do you recommend? We are both getting frustrated on the 7th and 8th times in a row of telling him "No, X isn't a toy, let's go do/play with Y". We are going to have some time on our cruise to relax and read a bit... so bonus points if I can get it at a regular bookstore or Amazon Prime. I'm not sure I'll have time to swing by the library in the next 2 days.

[Deleted]

time out.

[arch01]

Jan 1, 2013 8:36:27 GMT -5 @septimus said:

time out.

how do you get them to stay? short of holding him down, he's not sitting

[livinitup]

I heard really good things about 1-2-3 Magic. And I read Dr. Karp's 'Happiest Toddler on the Block" although I thought it was a little light.

The ideas I had for DD's play space was vastly different than hers. I had the grand idea that she'd play n the family room (child proofed) while looked-on from the kitchen. Nope She had no interest in being that far from me. So we had to babyproof the kitchen, too. 'No" was something I said all day long. I actullay started saying yes to the behavior I wanted, just to get my sanity back. I remember reading a poster who said something like - to the toddler, they have no idea why it is "no" - no touch? no pick up? no put in my mouth? and every little thing is new and different - so when mommy said 'no' to the red thing, that doesn't mean the blue thing .... or no in there doesn't mean no in here .... or no doesn't apply at all because I am essentially a cave man and I reeeeaaaallllllyyyyy waaaannnnnttttt IIIIIITTTTTT!!!

[w2w]

I have heard really good things about Love and Logic (there are 2 - make you get the one for little kids).

[livinitup]

Jan 1, 2013 8:40:56 GMT -5 arch01 said:

Jan 1, 2013 8:36:27 GMT -5 @septimus said:

time out.

how do you get them to stay? short of holding him down, he's not sitting

He doesn't have to sit, he can stand. And it can be as short as 30 seconds to start. The idea is to use it as a tool in teaching, if your approach is teaching good behavior. So he hits the cat :
*You say Time Out
* Get on his level, eye to eye
* No hitting the cat, hands are for gentle touch
* Walk to TO spot (I used nearest wall)
* TO 1 minute (or 30 seconds or 15 seconds - 1 minute for each year is the guide, but you are just getting started)
* Set timer. Wait without any eye contact or engagement. If he leaves, get him, return him without talking.
* Bell rings. TO over.
* Get on his level, hug, eye contact, repeat why he was in TO.
* Hug. TO over.

Don't skip the end steps. Most days I really needed a good tool to begin and end a teaching moment. The toddler stage makes you feel like you'll be teaching forever, but good, consistent teaching like these leads to really nice preschoolers. And preschoolers are so great! Its worth the effort now.

[Deleted]

Jan 1, 2013 8:36:27 GMT -5 @septimus said:

time out.

For a kid who isn't even 13 months?


At that age you just have to redirect, for the most part.

[SusanBAnthony]

No way would I be doing any discipline at that age. If redirection doesn't work, you need to remove the object or baby gate it off.

For later, we do time-ins which is basically me or DH holding the kids and sitting with them in a quiet place until they calm down, rathe than leaving them alone. We also use 1-2-3 consequence. Usually the consequence is me going and helping them do whatever the thing is they are being told to do/not do. Not a punishment.

[Deleted]

I still use 1-2-3 a lot.

My version of timeout is frequently taking the object away and saying it is going into timeout, but even at 12 mos I'd do 1 min. physical time out for certain behaviours.

[discombobulated]

Baby proof and redirect. It will get easier as he gets older and understands more.

We also use both NO and DANGER depending on what's needed.

[Deleted]

I am a huge fan of Positive Discipline. My favorite books are Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso as a PD overview and Positive Discipline: The First Three Years (author escaping me now). It is a non-punitive non-reward based discipline system, where "discipline" means setting and establishing boundaries (a lot of times people think discipline is a synonym of punishment). DD is thriving under it.

www.positivediscipline.com/what-is-positive-discipline.html for more info than I can give in a GBCN post

[Willis Jackson]

The best advice I can give is to babyproof your entire house. Strap furniture to the wall. Put locks on every cabinet and drawer except for one that you'll fill with safe stuff for him to go through. Teach him to navigate the stairs safely.

DD is 15mo and I rarely have to tell her no because she doesn't have access to anything dangerous. I still have to referee fights between her and DS, but she can't really get into any mischief.

[huskymom]

Another vote for Love and Logic

[GailGoldie]

babyproof so he can't get into stuff you don't want him to. That will make your life a lot more sane.

redirect - yes, you'll do it all the time- but that's being a parent.

we did 1 minute time outs in the PNP if they simply weren't listening over and over - at 1yo, they got it- they knew why they were in there - we'd put them in and remind them "mommy said no pushing your brother, now you are in time out".... one minute later - take him out and remind him "play nice with your brother" or whatever other positive reminder.

[Deleted]

I also like "Positive Discipline: the first three years".

And we just keep babyproofing. I don't want to say no all day.

[mrs07]

Jan 1, 2013 8:40:56 GMT -5 arch01 said:

Jan 1, 2013 8:36:27 GMT -5 @septimus said:

time out.

how do you get them to stay? short of holding him down, he's not sitting

We stand him in a corner, hold his shoulders lightly (he doesn't fight), and squat there counting to ten or whatever. Preschoolers may be able to go and sit as directed, def not young toddlers. If there is a physical tantrum, I wouldn't hold him down, but I would physically stay there and take up visual space.

[arch01]

thanks everyone for your advice. i'll look into the books recommended.

there are very few things left un-babyproofed... the trash can and a couple other random things. he loves pulling plugs out of walls for everything-we have some plug covers that can go over the cords (in theory) but they don't fit. we've taken out several things he keeps getting into to the garage, but it extends beyond the house as well. we need something where DH and I can be on the same page about what to do when xyz happens so we can be consistent. it also extends to the hitting and hair pulling that have recently become favorite games, especially during diaper changes.

[Willis Jackson]

Simple human makes trash cans with locks.

[Deleted]

Our trash can has been on top of the table for months. He's too fast. He throws things away when I'm not looking.

Hitting and hair pulling you just deal with. Say "ouch!" and then no hitting, gentle hands, and then if you can put him down and ignore for a few seconds.

[bunch]

Jan 1, 2013 8:40:56 GMT -5 arch01 said:

Jan 1, 2013 8:36:27 GMT -5 @septimus said:

time out.

how do you get them to stay? short of holding him down, he's not sitting

I use time out via the love and logic magic system. I do not hold her there for any amount of time. Just saying "uh oh, h did x, time out" and putting her in the corner gets the point across.

Eta: I know I've mentioned this a million times before, but keeping the few things in our house that are off limits (dog food, fire place and Christmas tree) via time out has worked really well. Maybe it's my kid. All other dangerous things are baby proofed. We started when she was a year.

[drloretta]

At 1 I just told her no and we did something else. But she was pretty chill then. I didn't start timeouts until 18 months.

it's tough because they just don't get it at that age. Even at almost 3, DD doesn't understand that digging her elbows into my boobs (while getting off the sofa for example) hurts me.

[knitty]

I don't think time out is at all useful until well over two. And even then it shouldn't be a panacea. Keep it as a serious serious consequence of a serious behaviour that doesn't have any logical consequence. We use it for physical violence and threats of physical violence, these days it's about once every month or two.

At this age, when he bites or hits or ulls hair, say in a calm voice "That hurts. I won't let you hurt me", put him down and walk off. if it's during changing when you can't immediately walk off, try and find some amazingly cool toy you can give him only on the change table, or do it in front of the TV or something. Obviously he's tryingto get out of being changed and would love to be put down rightthen. Have you tried stading changes?