How to handle this? Stranger taking pictures...

[LacieMI]

Lurker here - I have been mulling over this for a couple of days and decided I'd like some additional thoughts on this situation...

My mom & I stopped by Panera the other night for a quick dinner. My son (19 mos) was with us. While we were ordering/paying, my son was walking around (near us) and a cute little girl about the same age/size runs up to him and starts talking / wanting to play. Her mom followed, asked my son's name, said he was cute, etc... We exchanged pleasantries. Then mom started taking pictures on her iPhone. I can only assume she was taking them of the two little kids kind of playing together, but I admittedly did not see the picture(s) either. There was really nothing remarkable about either of our two toddlers standing there, so I think the "cuteness" of it was they were "talking" to each other. As I turned to walk away, I noticed that the mom of the little girl was already uploading her picture(s) onto Facebook.

I can't quite put my finger on why this exchange was uncomfortable for me. I have no proof that she took any pictures of my son (though her daughter & my son were standing within a foot of each other most of the time). Heck - maybe she cropped him out of the pictures... Something about the possibility of a stranger taking a picture of my toddler and then posting it on Facebook is weird -- right?

Also, I know I have a difficult time speaking up when I am personally uncomfortable. I know there will be a time in which I will be in a position of needing to speak up in order to protect my son. But, I can't figure out if this was one of those times?

[Deleted]

I don't have a kid so take this with a grain of salt. I don't find it that weird to be honest. If it was just some random person taking pictures of your kid, then yes it would be strange but since likely she was taking pictures of HER kid interacting it doesn't seem that strange to me. In my experience moms tend to think things their kid is doing is adorable even it is something as mundane as interacting with another child.

I wouldn't really want someone else posting pictures of my kid of FB by assuming that since this was a stranger she can't tag the photo. People shouldn't be able to track your son because they won't know who he belongs to, he will just be a random kid on FB.

Also, I don't know why are you asking how to handle this now. Unless you know her name and can look her up, you can't say anything/ask her to take the photos down. If it made you uncomfortable you should have said something at the time. However, IMO this scenerio doesn't sound like one which would be dangerous to your son.

[Kore]

This doesn't bother me, either. It's not illegal to take pictures of people in public without consent. What are you worried will happen in this situation? What makes you uncomfortable, specifically?

[mollybrown]

I think you would have looked like a nutbag if you had spoken up. I'm not sure what you could have said. I have posted pictures of my children with children they were interacting with in a public place, and I don't see the big deal since I'm not posting private information about those children.

If you don't want your child's likeness capured in public, I think you'll have to resort to a mask over his face or a blanket over his head like Michael Jackson

[limey]

Jan 1, 2013 13:18:52 GMT -5 LacieMI said:

I can't quite put my finger on why this exchange was uncomfortable for me.

This is a great opportunity for you to figure out why this bothered you and what your policy and limits are on interactions with situations like this.

I don't have kids, but I personally think you are overly worried. People can take picture of you or your child at any time in public and you don't have much recourse.

If you do think this is a big deal, then you need to think up a game plan going forward. Such as saying to the mom, "Oh, can I ask you not to photograph my child?" She will most likely think it is weird but respect your boundaries.

[twodogsandababy]

I am going to agree with you that I would have thought it was weird and it may have bothered me a bit. My friend and I have talked about this while at the mall play place. People are always taking pictures of the kids playing and it makes me uncomfortable, but like you, I don't really know why. I realize that it is just part of society today and it is my problem. I don't take pictures of kids I don't know, unless they happen to be in the background. Honestly, I think what bothers me more, is knowing that I may be in the background of someones photo that will be shared online, looking like a fat ass. Clearly, I have self-image issues.

[LacieMI]

First - I really did intend to post this on MMM, so if anyone wants it moved, feel free :-)

Second, thanks for the initial replies. To clarify, I really have no intent or desire to do anything about this days later - I don't know why it keeps going through my head. I can't figure out what (if anything) specifically makes me irritated by it. Maybe its just in general, the FB crazed world that thinks everything needs to be documented on FB - including two stranger kids who are barely interacting in front of a cash register at Panera. Lol.

I guess since it has been in my head repeatedly, I have been second guessing whether I should have said something. Wondering if my own discomfort of speaking up was doing a disservice to my son. I recall a post in the past about strangers touching kids, and parents asking the strangers to not touch their kids' hair, face, etc... Strangers are CONSTANTLY touching my son, and it drives me batty, but I still haven't said anything. And frankly I dread the day that I may see it makes my son uncomfortable and I have to say something.

Why can't strangers just use common sense? Don't touch my kid, and now... don't take a picture of him either. Lol.

[Deleted]

While I agree this is probably not a big deal, I don't think it is weird to feel uncomfortable either. I'd be a little weirded out too if someone was taking pics of my kid, even if it was harmless it's a little intrusive I think.

If it makes you uncomfortable and it happens in the future, I think you could just pull your kid away (gently) or ask the other person not to include your kid in pictures. It may make you look kind of crazy, but so what? You don't know that other person anyway, who cares what they think.

[pugz]

yeah I don't see any cause for concern here. It's not like your kid was naked and obviously your kid won't be tagged in the photo or anything.

Touching your kid is another story as they are spreading germs.

[mbcdefg]

I'm sure she was harmless and she was mainly interested in her own kid being cute and playing with a baby ... but I agree with you that a stranger should know better than to take photos of someone else's kid. Or touch them.

You're absolutely within your rights to ask people not to touch or photograph your kid. They do shit like this because nobody calls them out on it.

I have perfectly nice friends who do stuff like this because they're just clueless about boundaries (tag other people on FB all the time, rub pregnant friends' bellies without asking, etc.). They knock it off once someone asks them to please stop it.

[Deleted]

I guess it depends how much of an online presence you normally have and if your own security settings are "absolutely no one can see anything" or "share with the world, I don't care" or somewhere in between.

Even when you look at signatures you can see we all have different levels of what we are okay with putting out for strangers to see and that probably affects your feelings about having your child's picture taken by someone you don't know.

I don't think the other mom did anything wrong, but I also don't think you're weird to not be comfortable with this. In the future I think buckybell's suggestion would be the easiest way to handle it without sounding like you're accusing the other parent of something weird.

[kelseybelsey]

I usually ask in situations like this before I take pictutes. If i didn't ask and someone said something to me in a casual way I would get it. If she would have asked first, how would you have felt?

[Deleted]

I wouldn't have liked it either. I don't know if I would have said anything.

I wonder if what is bothering you about it is knowing there will likely be more of this to come. I am bothered because it seems like one more thing to worry about that we can't really control (or we would go nuts if we tried to).

[dexteroni]

Team "you're overreacting but you're entitled to your overreaction." I do think it's a little crazy to ask people not to photograph or post photos, but if that's what you want, then you need to find the confidence to speak up. As you've already seen, people don't always use common sense, and eventually there's going to be a situation where you *have* to speak up, not just for your own comfort, but for your son's comfort or even safety. The sooner you learn to do it the better. Use these minor situations as practice so you can do it when it counts.

[Deleted]

Jan 1, 2013 14:44:51 GMT -5 BirdGirl said:

Jan 1, 2013 13:29:43 GMT -5 Kore said:

This doesn't bother me, either. It's not illegal to take pictures of people in public without consent. What are you worried will happen in this situation? What makes you uncomfortable, specifically?

For someone who is not a celeb, there are many states that have privacy laws that would be violated by putting the pics on Facebook (or anywhere publicly).

Good luck finding someone who would actually enforce those laws. Pictures of kids at Panera posted on Facebook...not incriminating.

I have lots of pictures with strangers in them, from touristy places, I didn't ask permission.

Thankfully no one has filed charges yet.

[ijack]

HOA?

[adamantium]

In the future you can prevent this by intervening, you don't have to say anything about taking pictures per se. Call you child to come eat, leave, whatever. DH and I do not like people posting pics of DS on facebook without our consent and that includes family members. One of my SIL's has a habit of posting pics I find inappropriate of her other nieces and nephews. Everyone has a different level on comfort with social media, its's ok not to want everything out there.

[GailGoldie]

people do some odd shit when you are out in public with kids. I deal with it horribly b/c i have twins - but even before that- when i just had DS1, a young woman actually KISSED him on the cheek once in a store, after doting on him about how cute he was, etc - she leaned over and kissed him!! That freaked me out - but happened so quickly I didn't even respond - just smiled and walked away.

I think it's normal for you think "Ok- that's odd" but after that, i wouldn't have thought twice about it.... it's not like she posted a pic of your child online, with the child's name, DOB, address, current location, etc.... nothing bad will happen to your child even if the pics do have your kid in them... so, other than saying "ok- she's quirky" - i would just move past it.

[drloretta]

I think you have a couple of issues at play here.

Someone taking their picture? Eh, maybe borderline, but like the pps have said, she probably was more taking a picture of her child and yours was nearby, and it's not like they were naked or identified by DOB and SSN. I always feel weird taking pictures of DD where there are other kids around, because I'm waiting for a mom like you to flip out on me that their child is in my picture. So far that hasn't happened.

As for the speaking up, you need to start practicing. I think you're confusing speaking up with being confrontational, and it doesn't have to be that way. You can very nicely say, "Jimmy hasn't been feeling well, you probably don't want to touch him" to the touchers. And "I'd prefer you don't take his picture" to those who whip out a cell phone. People may look shocked or back away, but it's highly unlikely they're going to go off on you for a simple request.

[bronxgirl]

The only thing I find wierd is your reaction. There is a huge difference between touching a stranger's child (not cool) and taking a picture of one's own child with another kid in the background. I don't think she is the one with common sense issues here.

[ECB]

My initial reaction is "not a big deal", but then the more I think about it and really try to imagine this happening to me.... I understand where you're coming from.

Clearly she was taking pictures of HER child doing something cute and wanted to share it - it really has nothing to do w/ your child. And as said, it's not like any of her friends will be able to figure out who your kid is. It's nothing that would make me stop her. But yeah, I would be wondering "why are you taking pics of my kid?".

Then I'm putting myself in the shoes of doing that myself- taking pictures of DS w/ a kid we don't know and posting it.... I'd never do it! The only pictures I post online are of kids who I KNOW the parents post pics too and they don't mind if I do. I'd never take a picture of a strangers kid and post it.

That's what I find strange- that she did that in the first place.

But again - it's nothing I'd ever "do" anything about. I just understnad your feelings of reservation.

[liveintheville]

Jan 1, 2013 17:31:48 GMT -5 drloretta said:

I'm waiting for a mom like you to flip out on me that their child is in my picture. So far that hasn't happened.

This is definitely going to happen to me because I don't really think twice about it.
If they seem ok enough to let my kid interact with them, then I don't assume they have nefarious intentions when they take pictures of the kids playing together.