Indulge me as I bitch about my mother

[bowies]

I don't know if I've mentioned it on here, but my mom is a drama queen when it comes to health issues. Everything is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. I cannot tell you how many emails I've received from her over the past 10 years that have declared that she has cancer of some kind of another. Turns out it was always that something looking kinda wonky so the doctor did some tests. That's it. It was never cancer. At first I'd exhaust a lot of tears and worry over these "cancer" scares, but over the years I got smart and now I just shrug off her plays for attention. I know one day this is going to bite us both in the ass, but she's cried wolf waaaaay too many times for me to get overly concerned now. It's also the primary reason why I chose to not tell her about my own recent health scare. I handled it, I moved on.

Well, yesterday she sent me a text (a motherfucking TEXT) to let me know that she spent the night in the emergency room with heart trouble. After I didn't respond immediately, she texted me again to let me know that she has high blood pressure and so will not be traveling to see me and BF this summer. When I found the texts a couple hours later, I was seething. One, who the fuck sends news like that over text message. Two, who the fuck dramatizes news like that for sympathy. Three, REALLY??? You cannot get in a fucking car now?

She makes me want to rip out my hair. I know part of this is her fear of her own mortality, but a lot more of it is that she's feeling neglected and so she wants some attention. Any kind of attention. That whole making-breezes-into-hurricanes thing that Fuss talked about IRT Bliss? This is what it looks like when you're in your 60s. God help me if my father passes away first. Or God help her, because she's going into a home.

[fussbucket]

Sorry, bowies. Maybe if she's lucky to live long enough she'll be like my grandma and turn from a selfish jerkface to a sweet old lady with just a little kiss of dementia.

Anyway, that definitely sounds really really really annoying. She sounds like she is deep-down afraid of life and the unknown, but as long as you yourself can accept life as it comes, it will make it easier for you to deal with her inability to do so.

[Muddled]

Frustrating.

It might be time for a wingchair talk of your own.

Any real reason you can think of that she would want to cancel her visit?

[esdreturns]

Sorry bowies

[bowies]

Oh, I've tried talking to her about her issues. I get the hairy eyeball and she completely shuts down.

As Fuss astutely said, she is absolutely afraid of life. She has a comfort zone and she refuses to ever exit it. She won't fly, she won't eat at non-chain restaurants, and she won't shop at stores she's never shopped at before. She thinks that by being in a constant state of worry and vigilence that she can control anything bad from befalling her. She has no concept that she may be alive for a long time but she's never really lived. She's quite hilarious and cool about some things, but she can be very close-minded and stubborn about anything new and different. I'm an apple that fell pretty far from her tree in this respect.

I don't think she cancelled her visit for any other reason than so she can sit at home and ruminate about her health and play the poor-me card with her friends. I guess when you outgrow mommy martyrdom you have to find another sick game of oneupmanship to play.

I sound like such a cynic.

[Muddled]

I don't think you sound like a cynic. I think you sound like someone who has been down this path before.

It's hard and oddly disappointing to realize that our parents are just people and don't have any superpowers.

[kellbell191]

This would make me flipping batty. What would you do if you expressed concern over her health and then told her you were really disappointed she can't come to see you and wish the visit was as important to her as it is to you? Can you out passive aggressive her? Or is it too much work?

[bowies]

May 29, 2012 12:39:03 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

This would make me flipping batty. What would you do if you expressed concern over her health and then told her you were really disappointed she can't come to see you and wish the visit was as important to her as it is to you? Can you out passive aggressive her? Or is it too much work?

I've tried beating her at her own game, but I threw in the towel years ago. I just don't want to anymore. Therapy helped a lot - don't engage the crazy and all that.

My lack of a reaction is the thing that drives her batty so maybe I'm not as "above this" as I think I am. Heh.

[Deleted]

That sounds exhausting. The not engaging is probably better for you but I can see how even that would be difficult. It almost sounds like the kind of person whose calls need to be screened.

[BettyBookWorm]

:beer: ... I'm sorry Bowies. I have more than one family member like that. Its very frustrating.

[tmonoxide]

My mother got funky about her health in the end.

She has swollen ankles and can't breathe. Refused to see the doc for a refil for blood pressure pills -- I had to call the doc and weasel pills out of him.

He told me that the next time she pulled that crap to call an ambulance and let them admit her to the local hospital.

Her favoite line to goad me and bro was "don't give me a stroke!"

[Deleted]

So, she cant travel because she has high blood pressure? Does she realize that she can take a pill and get it back to mormal in a few days?

"she has high blood pressure and so will not be traveling to see me and BF this summer."



your response...ok mom thanks for letting me know in advance so i can make other plans~"

[margarita]

I am seriously laughing right now at Mags' suggested response, combined with the siggy underneath! lol