s/o young toddlers and tantrums

[Deleted]

DS is 10 months so not quite a toddler yet, but he's cruising and HUGE (26 lbs, 28.5 inches long, wearing 2T clothes). He had his first tantrum last night and I felt so unprepared. He was in his high chair and keep tossing his food over the side. We'd stop feeding him, he'd sign for "more" then look right at us and throw it over. So we stopped feeding altogether and he.flipped.out. Crying, red face, kicking his legs. I tried to redirect with a sippy cup and toy, and he threw those too. He didn't want anything else than to just be angry. So we just waited him out.

So how do you handle tantrums in young toddlers? With toddlers and preschoolers we had planned on reiterating his emotion ("I know you're angry!") and we stay calm ("We love you, we're right here when you're ready to calm down."). But that obviously won't work on a young toddler who isn't talking at all. What do you do?

[knitty]

Just sympathise with him, note what cased it and try and avoid any triggers (like, if I waited until I could see they were hungry to suggest we leave the playground it was a disaster, if I suggested a snack, then left after they'd eaten it was much easier). Emotion coaching is a good habit, not just for him, but to remind you of his POV. I'd do what you did - end the meal, sympathise, give him words for what he's feeling, restate the reason in a neutral third party way and hope he learns the rule quickly!

[Deleted]

I try not to give any attention to it. I walk away. (Provided he's in a safe environment.)

[Deleted]

I think your approach is great! Just because he can't talk doesn't mean he doesn't understand--and there is no way to know just how much he understands. What he doesn't understand now he will begin to understand soon and it's good to get into good habits now.

[Deleted]

I try not to give any attention to it. I walk away. (Provided he's in a safe environment.)

[SusanBAnthony]

This is my dd. she has been throwing power tantrums since she could crawl. It is amazing. Today she creamed for 30 minutes because she wanted cuddles from me, and daddy wasn't good enough, and I was busy. Fun times!

Anyway, at that age we tried a few different things. A lot of taking her to a dark quiet room (bedroom usually) and cuddling with her blanket, nursing or bottle or nuk, etc. At that age my opinion is there is no lesson to learn about things, you just want the moot calm down and feel safe and secure.

Sometimes dd does not want to be held or cuddled, she needs to scream it out. When she was little like your DS, we stayed right by her, and made sure she was safe- n carpet not hard floors, etc. then eventually she would calm down and be ready for hugs and cuddles. Even that young, we would say stuff like "I know you are mad but screaming doesn't help" and "I can tell you are mad, it is hard to be a one year old" or "sometimes I get really mad too. It's ok to be mad". Just whatever random crap came to mind, in a calm soothing voice.

I can't say it has really gotten better in terms of frequency or duration. Bt dd can certainly name her feelings! She will be screaming and crying and say " I am feeling really sad, I need to cry!". Lol.

[Deleted]

Thanks, I'm glad to hear I was doing the right thing. DH and I just kept looking at each other and saying "is this his first tantrum?!?" We'll keep doing what we're doing, thanks!