Weirdness re Announcing at Work

[hopeful2012]

I am 17.5 weeks now and keep on putting off announcing at work. Mostly just because it is awkward. I told one work friend early (8 weeks) because I needed to tell someone.

Then I told myself I was waiting for the 12 week scan to be fine, then waiting for 16 week bloodwork to be fine.

Now I'm just waiting for it to be super obvious. I'm at the point now that if I wear maternity clothes OR anything tight OR anything with certain cuts I have a definable bump.

But I've been wearing loose dresses / loose tops with my regular pants and bella band, etc. Plus with the holidays a lot of people have been out of the office.

My issue with telling is just that I don't really have a head "boss" to tell - I'm an attorney and work for about 8 different partners, some more than others, and various associates, both senior and junior to me.

It actually was really awkward today with one of them because they made a comment about my son almost turning 3 and "it being time to have another one" in a joking way that assumed I had no intention of having another one anytime soon. I wanted to just tell her the news since that was the perfect opening but I couldn't bring myself to. I just don't know any type of right "order" to tell people in and its not like I want to hold a meeting and announce it.

At what point does it seem just rude/unprofessional that I didn't say anything? I thought I would have been outed by now by someone asking. The last couple employees who have been pregnant around here have just waited until it became obvious.

[speckledfrog]

I don't understand your hesitation but it's only going to get weirder for you longer you wait. What about sending out an email to those who are senior to you?

[pamela]

I bet that comment was an attempt to get you to say that you actually were pregnant.

Who signs your timesheet/does your performance evaluation/HR thinks is your boss? I'd tell that once first and in person. Everyone else you can either tell one by one, at a staff meeting or just send a mass email.

[hopeful2012]

Jan 2, 2013 16:25:12 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I don't understand your hesitation but it's only going to get weirder for you longer you wait. What about sending out an email to those who are senior to you?

I'm not sure wtf is the matter with me when it comes to not just telling, but an email announcement in my work atmosphere would probably seem weird. I've been here awhile and have never seen or heard of anyonce announcing that way.

[hopeful2012]

Jan 2, 2013 16:25:40 GMT -5 pamela said:

I bet that comment was an attempt to get you to say that you actually were pregnant.

Who signs your timesheet/does your performance evaluation/HR thinks is your boss? I'd tell that once first and in person. Everyone else you can either tell one by one, at a staff meeting or just send a mass email.

If it was, it was super rude because it was in such a way that assumed it was the LAST THING I would want to do (like haha you should have another one...I think you would want to stick your head in an oven before doing that ...kind of way). BTW this same person didn't realize that someone who was about 25 weeks was pregnant until it was explicitly pointed out to her.

No staff meetings - no time sheets (do billing entries) - review person differs year to year but I don't have a review or anything coming up until after I have this baby. So really I have no "boss" - HR doesn't recognize one either.

[justjen]

You really need to tell them.... Just schedule a meeting with HR or one of the partners... I think it's going to start looking unprofessional real soon. You can do it

[hopeful2012]

I do agree that once I get up the nerve to tell one person I just need to tell everyone else fast.

One of the people I really feel like I should tell (do a lot of work for) is back from vacation next week. But it feels super awkward to tell him as well.

[hopeful2012]

Jan 2, 2013 16:30:32 GMT -5 justjen said:

You really need to tell them.... Just schedule a meeting with HR or one of the partners... I think it's going to start looking unprofessional real soon. You can do it

I know! I know! I don't know why I am such a chicken sh*t when it comes to this. I just get uncomfortable talking about anything personal at work.

I really need to push myself to just tell one of the partners, and then tell the other ones I work with a lot shortly afterwards.

[drloretta]

Why is this awkward? You're going to be out on leave for this baby, you'll need people to plan for that. Approach it that way and let them know

[carolinagirl831]

I think you just need to announce, you are making it more awkward by acting the way you are.. your coworkers probably suspect and were fishing it out of you.

[hopeful2012]

I really wish I would have just told the person I talked with today and then walked around and told a bunch of other people as well. I just want to get it over with. I don't know why I didn't.

[justjen]

Here's how I did it:

I came in on a Monday morning, and sent an email first thing saying "can I meet with you for 5 minutes when you get a chance?" Then we met, I spilled the beans, and that was it. Don't make this harder than it needs to be

[hopeful2012]

Also...I really just want to be able to wear elastic pants already! I need to use this as motivation to get it over with!!!

[MrsDarcy]

Jan 2, 2013 16:36:11 GMT -5 drloretta said:

Why is this awkward? You're going to be out on leave for this baby, you'll need people to plan for that. Approach it that way and let them know

It think this is great advice. It's kind of deflecting your big news by making it seem like you're looking out for the good of the office.

[h]

I find it awkward to tell work as well and have a similar situation (attorney with no real boss, just partners I work with). But you have to tell them. Just approach the partners you work with most often and say "I wanted to let you know that I am pregnant and due X." Then let word spread. I told my assistant after telling the partner I work most with, knowing that she will manage to spread the word to the entire office in no time flat without me having to go around telling everyone.

FWIW, my BFF is an attorney (and a Big Law partner herself), and she had not told anyone at work when she was 5 months pregnant with her second child. She was outed by a senior partner she works with, and he was really kind of pissed that she hadn't said anything. It was not an ideal situation at all. I would try to avoid that.

[hopeful2012]

Jan 2, 2013 16:50:48 GMT -5 h said:

I find it awkward to tell work as well and have a similar situation (attorney with no real boss, just partners I work with). But you have to tell them. .

I know. Totally right. Wonder if I should still wait until Monday when one of the senior partners I work with comes back. If I don't wait until then and just tell a few other partners I work with tomorrow (I'm out Friday), is that weird?

[hopeful2012]

Jan 2, 2013 16:55:41 GMT -5 minniemouse said:

I cant believe you have been able to keep it a secret so long! I get the awkwardness though. I am nervous to announce at work this time. Last time i just told my supervisor and 2 close friends, and they spread the word. This time, i have no close friends - they have all been laid off.

Sorry to hear that. At the very beginning I wanted to tell everyone (told family, friends right away because even if it ended badly we wanted the support). Told my one co-worker friend too early, knowing she is tight-lipped.

Now it's just been so long I don't really have the urge to say anything I guess!

[vanillacourage]

I found it a little awkward too. It's not AW-y, but it sort of feels that way, KWIM?

Anyway, I'd tell someone in HR, then directly email the 8 partners, then mention it in passing to the office gossip and everyone else will know quickly without you having to say a word.

[h]

I think if the guy who is out of town is the person you work with most often and/or the most senior person you work with, I would go ahead and wait until Monday since he should probably be the first to be told. Otherwise, just get it over with.

I get your hesitation--I hate this part, too. But speaking from experience, you will feel so much better once you just do it.

[hopeful2012]

Jan 2, 2013 17:00:45 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

I found it a little awkward too. It's not AW-y, but it sort of feels that way, KWIM?

Exactly what I feel like.

[hski2349]

I get that is feels awkward. I felt awkward telling my boss too. But I felt so much better once I told her. It will be more awkward that longer your wait, especially if you are starting to show.

[hopeful2012]

Jan 2, 2013 17:03:50 GMT -5 BirdGirl said:

Are you in a practice group? Do you work with your group leader? At the firm I just told my practice group leader. Word spread. I'm sure I told others, but I don't recall having to walk around and tell all the partners. I told at exactly 12 weeks. I couldn't wait to be done with that awkward conversation. Plus, I knew it meant they'd be unlikely to lay me off (our group was really slow at the time). It was a win win. And actually it was fine. It wasn't weird at all.

In a group but there isn't 1 "leader" so to speak I guess? There are 2 most-senior people though, 1 I work with failry often 1 I haven't worked with for quite a while. The 1 I work with fairly often is out until Monday. I will probably wait for him to get back since I will only be in the office 1 more day this week anyways.

[cilantro]

It doesn't sound like you have any need to tell people in any particular order. You need to get the word out asap. My firm's HR manual was amended this year to include a requirement about telling HR/practice group leaders/people you work with promptly, because it created problems when you don't.

[hopeful2012]

Jan 2, 2013 17:21:05 GMT -5 BirdGirl said:

Jan 2, 2013 17:14:41 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I must be a total AW because when our NT scan came back good I pranced into work all I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

I suspect is has a lot to do with your work dynamics, but maybe not. I was pleasantly surprised how well my firm took it given that it meant i would be off for 18 weeks. Every place I've worked it's been seen as an inconvenience.

Yep, I am sure everyone will be fine, but its made me nervous, not because of job security but just because of how it will be perceived.

[hopeful2012]

Ok, you guys have psyched me up to tell on Monday. Hopefully 18 weeks doesn't seem too late. At least I haven't been outed yet.

[h]

Jan 2, 2013 17:53:33 GMT -5 hopeful2012 said:

Jan 2, 2013 17:21:05 GMT -5 BirdGirl said:

I suspect is has a lot to do with your work dynamics, but maybe not. I was pleasantly surprised how well my firm took it given that it meant i would be off for 18 weeks. Every place I've worked it's been seen as an inconvenience.

Yep, I am sure everyone will be fine, but its made me nervous, not because of job security but just because of how it will be perceived.

I definitely felt this way, especially this time around. I felt like they would be all "oh for God sake, what the hell is she thinking having three kids and trying to practice law? She can't possibly care about her career.". They were actually perfectly lovely about it, but I definitely stewed about having to tell work.

[froggy76]

Since you don't really have a boss to tell, I think you should just mention it to whomever and let the news spread... no big announcement.

[Willis Jackson]

Jan 2, 2013 17:05:09 GMT -5 hopeful2012 said:

Jan 2, 2013 17:00:45 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

I found it a little awkward too. It's not AW-y, but it sort of feels that way, KWIM?

Exactly what I feel like.

I feel like it's such personal information. "Hey everybody, guess what's going on in my uterus? Yup, my husband and I totally did it. A lot."

[Deleted]

You are making it weird. Just schedule a meeting and tell.

[dr.girlfriend]

I think the later you do it, the worse it will be received. Trust me, they are already talking about it and wondering why you haven't said anything so they can start planning. Focus on "This is when I will be out, this is how many weeks I will be out, this is what I plan for my workload, this is when I plan to resume." If you are certain you are coming back, express that clearly, don't think they'll assume it. If you're worried about it seeming too late, just say you're due "in October" or whatever and solidify the date as you get closer. They are not likely to count weeks, and if they do for all they know you were waiting on some follow-up testing for a concern or something.