Halp! Am I scarring my child for life?

[Deleted]

So little man has been crazy cranky today. He is normally a "more than average" clingy child, but today has been stage 5 clinger status. As in, I was unable to do anything unless I was wearing him. Even on a quick outing to grab food, he screamed the whole way. He never does that. He usually loves the car. He's been crying the whole day, but when I pick him up, it automatically stops. I kept thinking teething or some other pain, but he smiles so big when I pick him up. Also, sounds that didn't used to scare him now freak him out to screaming, like the vacumm and blender. I had such grand plans of making his food for the month today. My H blames the clingyness on the bedsharing, like that is making him super dependant on me for everything. I think it could be age/development related. At DC, he will play a little more independantly, but still wants the ladies close by. Am I turning my kid into a codependant needy child? I work full time so I allow cuddles, on demand BFing, and as much me time as he seems to want. I am really emotional today, because I seem to have been holding this kid since about 6 this morning. We are going to do sleep training soon because I know his lack of nap / sleep schedule isn't good for him, but it makes me nervous with the amount of separation anxiety he seems to be having. Thoughts? advice?

[mikehoncho]

This is what I think: There is a good attachment and a bad attachment. This is a good one. You are not going to be scarring him for life or making him too dependent on you or anything like that by bedsharing. However, I will say, for US Liam slept better when he was in his own room. Even now, when we go stay with family or whatever and he is in the room with us, when he wakes up he wants to party even though it's 3 am and he's exhausted so then he is cranky the next day. I can't tell you what will work for you but it certainly wouldn't hurt to try some things out if you think you need a change.

I will also add that Liam went through a seriously cranky/clingy stage about two/three weeks ago. It was awful, but it passed. Big hugs to you, try to remind yourself "this too shall pass".

[mikehoncho]

Oh! And this is definitely around the time when the whole stranger danger/ stranger anxiety thing is coming out, right? I'm 90% sure it is. So I agree with you that this is a developmental thing.

[lolaburns]

It's developmental. Luke is going through something extremely similar.


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[bebeetmoi]

Jan 2, 2013 19:53:16 GMT -5 mikehoncho said:

Oh! And this is definitely around the time when the whole stranger danger/ stranger anxiety thing is coming out, right? I'm 90% sure it is. So I agree with you that this is a developmental thing.

From what I've heard and experienced first hand, the separation anxiety is a developmental thing and will pass in time. For DD, it lasted 3 weeks or so. She is still not a fan of being handed off to anyone she doesn't know, but has never liked it.

[tuck]

Developmental thing. It'll pass.

[thedahliharpa]

Jan 2, 2013 20:13:55 GMT -5 tuck said:

Developmental thing. It'll pass.

This and the best thing you can do his meet his needs, to the best you can without making yourself bonkers. It is not because of bedsharing.

[mamasaurus]

I keep hearing how it's normal for teething babies to be more clingy. They are in pain and want comfort. I'm guessing that, like most of the babies on this board, your little guy has been getting teeth, right? That might be all it is, and if so, no sleeping arrangement is going to change it.

Babysaurus was practically glued to me today, and I can see her little gums all puffy where the next tooth is probably going to pop through in 2-3 weeks, so the theory holds true over here.

[devotchka]

Dragonmommy - almost this exact thing has been happening to us too, plus him screaming at night and waking up constantly, and I've thought it might be bed-sharing too! Our babies are so close in age, so I wonder if it is a developmental thing. So far we've thought it's teething (he has no teeth yet) - him waking up every hour at night is RIDICULOUS. He is only soothed if I come in and cuddle him. He actually did sleep better when we put him to bed (we transferred him) in the pack n' play over the holidays when we were visiting my Mom.

Our kid is medium needy, not too bad but not super independent.

[juliamastro]

ds has been going through this too, & dh blames it on bedsharing as well, but I've researched & as PPs suggested, im pretty sure it's developmental

[Deleted]

I think it's developmental, and also the nature of the child (if it continues) My oldest was a Stage 5 Clinger until he turned 2. For real, I was the only parent at the park with my kid on an invisible leash while the other kids played and ran off. He never left my side.

I think you are doing all the right things - I probably would sleep train at this point for my own convenience and to improve LO's sleep - but either it will pass, or he's just a bit clingier than most. FWIW my oldest is very independent now! (thank God)

[Deleted]

Thanks everyone. It was a rough day. Hubby got home and he was magically fine playing on the floor by himself! I.was like Wtf kid. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one going through this. I want to be able to enjoy ally time off with him, but its difficult when he wont let you out of his sight. Hopefully this passes soon for all of us.

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