DH vent

[Deleted]

Yes, we do sometimes go through brief times when we don't like each other. Sometimes it's simultaneous and sometimes it's just one who is annoyed at the other. I think it either comes from being together too much, or at times not feeling connected. The best we do is just be ok with spending some time apart, doing our own thing and not really interacting. We don't ignore each other, but we'll both eat dinner at our own computers and stay in different rooms to do things (read, watch tv, putz on the computer, whatever). The little break seems to help.

[madDawg228]

I've been through something similar as all pp's. To fix it we try to communicate more, so that means less TV and internet. After we both come home from work, it's so easy to just laze out in front of the TV or computer, but doing that 5x a week always ends up with one or both of us feeling ignored. It is a vicious cycle.

[picksthemusic]

That happens for us sometimes. DH will be in the mood to clean house/go out/whatever when all I want to do is sit on my butt (because I'm tired/overworked/whatever), and he gets POed, and then it happens when I want to clean/go out/do something and he just wants to veg.

Like yesterday - I wanted to Spring Clean the kitchen, DH wanted to watch movies all day. So I just went with it. But I can understand your frustration. Maybe it's his just adjusting to the new job? Hopefully it gets better.

[amandasw]

I am scared of this happening. H has been SO great about us spending time together right now and doing some of the things I really enjoy (walking around Greenlake or downtown - just hanging out) because we both know this isn't going to happen very often for a while. I think in those moments where I feel ignored or whatever, I need to hold onto all the good things he does for me - it's easy to forget and I feel like should really count for something during the times he isn't doing those things.

To be fair, it seems like your H is working hard and it doesn't seem unreasonable for him to want to just veg. We all have those moments and I get the impression for guys this is a stronger urge than for girls (since I usually want to have him veg with me whereas he likes his alone time). Don't do it to get him back, but I think you should just do some things that you enjoy without him so he can have that space. Also, I think you should apologize for getting angry because it will probably help smooth things over If he's like my H, then hopefully he'll realize what happened and how it made you feel.

[Deleted]

May 29, 2012 13:37:31 GMT -5 @amandasw said:

To be fair, it seems like your H is working hard and it doesn't seem unreasonable for him to want to just veg. We all have those moments and I get the impression for guys this is a stronger urge than for girls (since I usually want to have him veg with me whereas he likes his alone time). Don't do it to get him back, but I think you should just do some things that you enjoy without him so he can have that space. Also, I think you should apologize for getting angry because it will probably help smooth things over If he's like my H, then hopefully he'll realize what happened and how it made you feel.

+1

[sarack]

We go through things like this but usually it's because we're stressed out about other things..

H does the same thing though. He hates to do things outside the house. I kinda knew that going in, so it isn't much of a surprise. it does suck doing shopping and stuff alone. i end up having to text him pictures of everything and responds, so he should have just come with me in the first place...

Do you feel like there are underlying issues? have you been this way with him before?

[sarack]

also, usually the stresses of money are what get us the most. so if that's an issue.. maybe that is the problem? i agree with others though, give him some space to let him do his own thing.. i do think you should apologize but in the same conversation, let him know how it makes you feel when he doesn't want to spend time with you.