I confess that I would have a kid tomorrow if said kid was guaranteed to be a Baby Fuss clone. She needs to tell more horror stories to put me back in balance.
Post by fussbucket on May 29, 2012 13:38:12 GMT -5
OK here is your free, complimentary horror story.
One time a few months ago Baby Fuss threw a tantrum for a full hour. Screaming, flailing, head-bashing, angry laundry-hamper-emptying, the works. I was aghast and totally clueless as to what to do. Thankfully H helped us BOTH calm down.
The next time it happened we just stuck him in the car and drove him around till he calmedthefuck down, which only took about 10 or 15 minutes.
What was he so angry about? Your story, though not super extreme horrific, does give me pause. How do you quell tantrums without a car? Just throw him out the window and watch him bounce?
Post by fussbucket on May 29, 2012 13:52:03 GMT -5
I don't remember exactly. It's usually when they're also tired, or hungry, or whatever. That day maybe it was that he wanted us to get the light fixture down from the ceiling so he could play with it, and we had to say no we can't do that. He didn't know it wasn't possible, he thought we were just being assholes about it I guess.
Umm, we spent quite a bit of time after that incident learning about feelings and talking about feelings and talking about how our feelings can go from mad to sad to "working through it" to feeling better again. We spent a lot of time talking about how some things are possible and some things aren't possible, and some things you want to do simply can't be done. Others can be done but shouldn't be done. There can be different reasons you can't do or have something you want, but the result is the same. But you can have those feelings and work through them and feel OK again.
Those things happened when he was probably 16 months or so -- he really did not know what was going on or what his feelings meant or how to resolve them -- really he just seemed upset about being upset. Once he learned that feelings were things that were real, and his parents could mirror and understand his feelings and sympathize, the storms passed much more quickly.
Now if he feels like throwing a tantrum, I say, "Oooh, too bad! You're really mad! You need to go in your room until you're ready to be nice!" So we stick him in his room, close the door, and he screams his head off for a few minutes. Then we go to the door and say, "Are you ready to be nice? You can come out when you act nice." And invariably he quiets down and then (this kills me every time) knocks quietly on the door to indicate he's ready to come out. I ask him if he feels better and offer a hug, but he usually just walks by with a smile and goes off to play.
Post by fussbucket on May 29, 2012 14:24:13 GMT -5
Well, we don't really take him out in public for non-kid-friendly activities. We go grocery shopping once a week, and he doesn't come along for that. On the rare occasion when he does come along on a quick trip to the grocery store or Target or something, it's like this big exciting treat for him.
The only time we were ever stuck with him screaming was for a few awkward minutes on our flight to the grandparents. A box of raisins took care of that one.
I have something I call the 80/20 toddler rule, which is that you need to let them do pretty much exactly what they want to do 80% of the time, so you can get them to go along with what you want to do the other 20% of the time.
Another way I think of it is, "You can get them to do what THEY want YOUR way, or you can get them to do what YOU want THEIR way." You just figure it out and work it out together. It beats fighting constantly, because while I can match wits, I cannot match wills. It's a very rare occasion I demand he do something that's 100% what I want, 100% my way.
Well, we don't really take him out in public for non-kid-friendly activities. We go grocery shopping once a week, and he doesn't come along for that. On the rare occasion when he does come along on a quick trip to the grocery store or Target or something, it's like this big exciting treat for him.
The only time we were ever stuck with him screaming was for a few awkward minutes on our flight to the grandparents. A box of raisins took care of that one.
I have something I call the 80/20 toddler rule, which is that you need to let them do pretty much exactly what they want to do 80% of the time, so you can get them to go along with what you want to do the other 20% of the time.
Another way I think of it is, "You can get them to do what THEY want YOUR way, or you can get them to do what YOU want THEIR way." You just figure it out and work it out together. It beats fighting constantly, because while I can match wits, I cannot match wills. It's a very rare occasion I demand he do something that's 100% what I want, 100% my way.
You are SO WISE! I love this so much that I sent it to my H, because it explains so much better what I have been trying to say than: "is this really the hill you want to die on here?"
Fwiw,.I've been following HS's advice for outings, and it works like a charm, and actuallybookends what Fuss said. I let Joaquin make controlled choices. I ask her whether she wants the orange or purple box of bunny cookies, hold them up and let her point. Then, I can hand herthebox for a few seconds, grab the next few items. Does she want the white cheddar or the orange cheddar? Pears or apples (the answer is always pears)? I don't do this with eggsnor bread, obviously.
For eating out, I have a small bag thatcontains a small.serving of bunny cookies, a bib, stick-on placemats and a few toys like her winnie the pooh shapes cards or a plastic cow. If we go out I justgrabthat, and do the same choice thing. Crayons or beads? Red crayon or blue crayon? The only times she's ever gotten rowdy is when it takes forever for us to get our food.